Lines on the prosecution of Elliot Morley, MP, for false accounting under the theft act.

To the tune of 'Common People' by Pulp. With apologies to Jarvis Cocker, not that I think he'd mind.

He came from Scunthorpe and he worked for Hull City,
He saw how much cash was kept in the kitty
There was loads, he could tell
He saw the taxpayer was loaded,
He saw that for his wallet this boded
It boded well
And so come election time, he said

"I want to be House of Commons people,
I want to spend like Commons people do,
I want to buy like Commons people,
I want to sponge like Commons people,
Off you."

And what else did he do?

He claimed a trip to the supermarket,
I don't know why but he had to start it somewhere,
So it started there.
They said you can claim on expenses,
Even receipts you submit on pretences
He said "Yeah?
Well I won’t make any trouble for Blair."

This how you live like Commons people,
You can claim like Commons people do,
Just make sure you vote with Commons people,
Vote along with the Commons people,
For TB.
And he obeyed the whips command;
He just smiled and held out his hand.

Always vote the party line,
‘cos you haven’t got a spine.
Never stand out from the crowd,
‘cos dissent is not allowed.
If constituents complain
Your seat is safe so don’t explain
Don’t dare oppose the premier
Because you’d risk your ministry career

And so he lived like Commons people,
And he did what Commons people do,
Gordon Brown ignores the Commons people,
When you vote, you’re told just what to do,
So he put his expenses through,
Because there's nothing else to do.