In like a lion, out like a lamb.

But that's enough about my love life.

According to the newpaper on my way to work this morning, the latest iteration of Google Maps includes the territories of known London street gangs and their names. I didn't know that groups with names like the 'Mozart Bloods' and the 'Turin Massive' were roaming the streets of London shanking each other, but that's the thing about London - it's crammed with all sorts of thrills which you weren't aware of until you go looking. My favourite gang name is the 'De Beauvoir Mandem'; I have a rather charming idea of them sitting round in berets, smoking gitannes, and passionately arguing the epistemiology of the shiv.

Anyway, looking at the map of the area which contains Stately David Towers I noticed something interesting:



The thing which strikes me is that my house is in an area which isn't claimed by any gangs at the moment (although ditzy_pole lives slap bang in the middle of one, which doesn't surpise me at all) and that means I spy a gap in the market. If there's one thing about street gang crime, it's that it's just all so low-rent. It's all low-slung trousers, backwards baseball hats and popping caps into someone because they slipped, yo. Where's the glamour? The magic? The romance?

So. Who's up for forming our own street gang? I see an opportunity to reform the League of Plump, Self-Satisfied Gentlemen, or maybe we could call it the LJ Massive? We could cruise round in low-riders listening to Cole Porter at 150db on huge sound systems and if anyone messed with us on our turf, we could sing and dance at them really aggressively.

I can't see any way this could go wrong.