Close encounters of the Third Way.

At weekends I like to get away from London and out into the countryside. It helps clear my head out from the pressures of work, clear my lungs out from the grime of the underground and generally have a nice time.
Anyway, I was climbing across the deserted hills of Derbyshire earlier today. It was lovely - miles upon miles of unspoiled countryside without another human being in sight. What could be nicer? As I tramped my mind was wandering and so it wasn't until it was right upon me that I saw the flying saucer.

You might think I'm kidding. I'm not. A UFO. Making that sort of whoo-WHOO-whoo-WHOO noise they do in films. It was remarkable. I'd never been one of the credulous people who believe in beserk ideas like Flying Saucers, Unicorns or socialism, and so it's fair to say this all came as a bit of a shock. The UFO extended legs, landed and a door opened, from which a martian like the ones in the comics my dad used to read when he was little came out. It was bright green, shaped like a barrel and had a TV ariel sticking out of the top of it's head. It pointed a disintegrator at me.
"Okay, earthling", it said. "Take me to your leader."
"Ah", I replied apologetically. "You might have come at a bad time."
"You what?"
"It's all a bit awkward", I said. "Would you mind coming back on Monday?"