"Who will rid me of this turbulent priest?", asks Cameron

In the wake of the Bishop of Westminster's comments regarding welfare reforms, David Cameron is reported to be crying "Who will rid me of this turbulent priest!?" at regular intervals, and especially when any ambitious soldiers might hear.

"He was supposed to be inspecting the lads on our return from Afghanistan and thanking us for helping out with the flooding", said Sergeant Greg Miller of the 3rd Mechanised Division, "but every five or six steps he'd stop, look thoughtful like an idea had just come to him, spout the turbulent priest line, and then give a little furtive look round like he was checking to see if anyone had heard.
"It was a bit embarrassing for everyone, really."

Cameron is also reported to have 'left a map to Westminster Cathedral with a fifty pound note stapled to it' on the desk of the commanding officer of the Royal Marine Commandos, and been heard loudly commenting that the bishop "is just like a member of the Taliban when you think about it" within earshot of a company of Gurkhas.

When asked about this behaviour, David Cameron said "By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape", before adding "Is that thing on?"

A spokesman for the government said it would be tragic were anything to happen to the Bishop, and if it did they would engage the same people who wrote the Hutton Report to carry out a full enquiry.