The Girls from Grantham
Sep. 8th, 2005 09:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyAs the more politically aware members of my readership might be aware, the Conservative Party is currently in a state of some flux over leadership. With Michael Howard’s pre-announced resignation as leader, heads are poking out of the long grass – Liam Fox, David Davis, David Cameron and Ken Clarke have all suggested they might or will stand for the leadership and, frankly, the whole show looks like it will turn into the usual free-for-all meaning that the traditional ‘natural party of Government’ remains the ‘party of opposition’.
This is an unconscionable state of affairs to anyone with an interest in healthy parliamentary democracy. Whatever your politics, it has to be acknowledged that a strong, well led opposition – of whatever political stripe – is an essential for maintaining debate and reason within government and so, whilst some people out there might be pleased by the weakness of the current opposition, those of us who believe in such things as free speech and civil liberties are naturally worried by the degree of freedom that any unopposed government possesses.
Thankfully, I have come up with a solution. As you may know, I run my own company: a state of affairs which will inevitably result in my shortly becoming wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and, in anticipation of this happy day, I have begun funding a project which will solve this country’s woes forever. After some small effort, I have obtained a sample of DNA from Margaret Thatcher and begun to clone her.
In a secret medical research facility just outside Grantham, literally thousands of Margaret Hilda Roberts’ in various stages of development are sprouting like beans in wet blotting paper like in that experiment we did at Junior School. Their development timed to reach maturity at ten- year intervals, I expect that we shall have sufficient Margaret Thatchers to provide this country with sterling leadership until the year 41289, by which time we should just about have paid off the budget deficit Gordon Brown has run up.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “What will this cost the taxpayer?”
I’m delighted to be able to answer: not a penny. Not only do I intend for the cloning of Margaret Thatcher to be one of the greatest acts of charity and philanthropy ever performed by man, I also anticipate considerable demand from other countries who are simply crying out for a Maggie of their own. I’ve already been approached by representatives of Cuba, Zimbabwe, Kazakhstan, France and the United States of America who recognize that only a good dose of British common sense can sort out the awful messes which have been made of their countries.
It’s widely agreed that the greatest era of peace and prosperity the United Kingdom has ever experienced were the years 1979 – 90, and it’s never escaped me that those people who are most critical of the Thatcher administration are those who are either physically or mentally under the age of 25 and so do not really have any first hand memories of the time.
I hope that you, like me, are looking forward to seeing them repeated.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Otherwise, it’s more Tony Blair.*
The choice is yours.
*Rumour has it that in an attempt to counterract the Thatcher-cloning procedure, Labour party officials have been attempting to code Tony Blair's personality into a computer to render him effectively immortal.
They've been having great success on a Commodore 64 with the code:
10 onerrorrun
20 Smarm
30 Lie
40 goto 20
This is an unconscionable state of affairs to anyone with an interest in healthy parliamentary democracy. Whatever your politics, it has to be acknowledged that a strong, well led opposition – of whatever political stripe – is an essential for maintaining debate and reason within government and so, whilst some people out there might be pleased by the weakness of the current opposition, those of us who believe in such things as free speech and civil liberties are naturally worried by the degree of freedom that any unopposed government possesses.
Thankfully, I have come up with a solution. As you may know, I run my own company: a state of affairs which will inevitably result in my shortly becoming wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and, in anticipation of this happy day, I have begun funding a project which will solve this country’s woes forever. After some small effort, I have obtained a sample of DNA from Margaret Thatcher and begun to clone her.
In a secret medical research facility just outside Grantham, literally thousands of Margaret Hilda Roberts’ in various stages of development are sprouting like beans in wet blotting paper like in that experiment we did at Junior School. Their development timed to reach maturity at ten- year intervals, I expect that we shall have sufficient Margaret Thatchers to provide this country with sterling leadership until the year 41289, by which time we should just about have paid off the budget deficit Gordon Brown has run up.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “What will this cost the taxpayer?”
I’m delighted to be able to answer: not a penny. Not only do I intend for the cloning of Margaret Thatcher to be one of the greatest acts of charity and philanthropy ever performed by man, I also anticipate considerable demand from other countries who are simply crying out for a Maggie of their own. I’ve already been approached by representatives of Cuba, Zimbabwe, Kazakhstan, France and the United States of America who recognize that only a good dose of British common sense can sort out the awful messes which have been made of their countries.
It’s widely agreed that the greatest era of peace and prosperity the United Kingdom has ever experienced were the years 1979 – 90, and it’s never escaped me that those people who are most critical of the Thatcher administration are those who are either physically or mentally under the age of 25 and so do not really have any first hand memories of the time.
I hope that you, like me, are looking forward to seeing them repeated.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Otherwise, it’s more Tony Blair.*
The choice is yours.
*Rumour has it that in an attempt to counterract the Thatcher-cloning procedure, Labour party officials have been attempting to code Tony Blair's personality into a computer to render him effectively immortal.
They've been having great success on a Commodore 64 with the code:
10 onerrorrun
20 Smarm
30 Lie
40 goto 20
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 08:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 08:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 08:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 09:57 am (UTC)http://www.naval-history.net/NAVAL1982FALKLANDS.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/war/troubles/agreement/index.shtml
and prosperity the United Kingdom has ever experienced were the years 1979 – 90
At the end of the 1980s there was a similarly strong house price boom. The government was about to scrap dual tax relief on mortgage interest, which allowed couples each to claim back tax. There was a scramble to buy homes before the tax break ended, and prices were pushed up artificially high. In addition, mortgages became more and more expensive as interest rates more than doubled.
When the property crash began, an estimated 1.8 million home-owners suffered negative equity. The London area and the south-east were the worst hit, and prices there fell by 27%. Around the country, prices dropped by 13% over the four years to 1993. There are fears that this time round low interest rates and an unprecedented investment in buy-to-let housing has pushed property values to unsustainable levels.
The Conservative's policy led to massive amounts of money being taken out of the economy in an aid to decrease inflation. This led to massive cuts in public spending. Thatcher's no u turn policy led to rising unemployment, manufacturing output falling by a 6th and the decline of the British economy which was even faster than the darkest days of the depression. In the early 1980's, 364 leading economists wrote to The Times and the Prime Minister expressing the concern that she was destroying the economy.
Now, removing cloth cap and whippet for a while, I'm not saying that the government should have supported unprofitable industries like the Duke of Wellington - who employed a thousand ex-soldiers after the Napoleonic wars to dig useless tunnels, to stop them from revolting - the posit that it was the greatest period of prosperity is frankly insulting to the vast swathes of unemployed, those destroyed by negative equity and high interest rates. Yes, there was more money in the country, but contrary to Whiggist principles, it didn't necessarily mean that money filtered down to the working classes. The government received money from privatisation, but had to give it back in terms of subsidies over the next few years anyway. There was no minimum wage, there was no European trading bloc, and a painfully weak pound as a result of resistance to European Unity. Now, a lot of that was due to Britain being the Sick Man of Europe and the stranglehold of the Unions, I'll give you that - but to say that period was more prosperous than the first Labour years is frankly wrong. Oh, and there was Black Monday, which kicked the yuppies firmly in their braces.
===
Some reminders:
http://www.bized.ac.uk/dataserv/chron/kf80.htm
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 09:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 10:12 am (UTC)GET ON MY BIKE!
eh? eh? eh?
Your word count: 618
Mine: 419.
Thank you, Mr Black.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 10:17 am (UTC)I posted a frankly ridiculous missive about cloning Margaret Thatcher in a Matrix-style body farm, illustrated by an image of the lady herself photoshopped onto the Emperor out of Star Wars.
I don't know how long it took you to:
a) Do your research in replying,
b) Write your reply, and then
c) Take the time to do copy-and paste word counts
but take it from me: however long it took you, it was far, far longer than you really should have done.
As a trained & qualified Psychologist (people tend to recoil with horror at this, but I am), my professional opinion is that you really, really need to get out more.
Possibly have a drink at lunchtime. Relax. It's OK.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 10:20 am (UTC)1. Google
2. copy paste.
3. write about twenty words of my own
4. copy paste a page and word count different sections.
My job at the moment is pretty similar, actually.
But I get a new one in October, where Internet access will be more limited, so I'll stop pestering you then.
Iron sharpens iron
Date: 2005-09-09 10:00 am (UTC)I've said it before, I'll say it again, you arguing with ill informed student socialists is like Mike Tyson boxing with cripples in wheelchairs: You may win, but no-one will be impressed.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 10:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 10:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 10:46 am (UTC)Where does Lord Tebitt fit intot the role? PErhaps he should be redisgned to actually be an attack dog?
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 10:48 am (UTC)Fashion Note
Date: 2005-09-08 11:26 am (UTC)As per Norman Tebbitt - , let's be generous, and club the wretch to death with his own cricket bat.
But seriously - I hope Thatcher lives long enough to see everything she ever did reversed, to realise that her life was "as nothing" then let her die. Unfortunately we'll have to topple the current bunch of scum (Tory Blair and cronies) first.
Hate is a great motivator and I hold grudges (smile)
Re: Fashion Note
Date: 2005-09-08 11:28 am (UTC)So we're going have to become poor again, with the rubbish uncollected and the dead unburied? That'd be a shame.
Re: Fashion Note
Date: 2005-09-08 01:27 pm (UTC)Re: Fashion Note
Date: 2005-09-08 11:28 am (UTC)Re: Fashion Note
Date: 2005-09-08 02:48 pm (UTC)We do need to clone Denis as well though, otherwise it's just cruel to leave Maggie without her other half.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-09 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 11:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-12 12:57 pm (UTC)