Please sir, can I have some booze?

[davywavy]

Well, It's that time of year when I give up the demon drink and boy, I feel virtuous. As yet I haven't decided on whether I'll be drinking at robinbloke's party. The probabilities suggest I will, despite my earlier experience of God having an itchy trigger finger. Either I'll let my moral absolutism slip for an evening, or I'll sit there with an air of pursed-lip American Gothic grimness, handing out leaflets from the Temperance movement and trying to lead choruses of 'Onward Christian Soldiers'. We'll see.
However, abstaining from drinking has lead to certain cravings, which are starting to manifest themselves in increasingly obvious ways...

(The scene is one of an early Victorian workhouse – although it may be David's office, it’s difficult to tell the different. A line of orphans is filing through the building. All of them bear significant marks of malnutrition and alcohol deprivation. Some of them are visibly shaking uncontrollably. The music starts.)

Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live 'til eighty four
All we ever get is grape juice!
Ev'ry day we say our prayer --
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old grape juice!
There is not a dram, not a tot can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag...ine

Booze, glorious Booze!
Hot toddies and Brandy!
Gin, Premier Cru’s --
Two gallons of Shandy!
Sobriety is a disease!
And booze is the best cure!
Rich gentlemen have it, boys --
Liver failure!

Booze, glorious booze!
We're anxious to try it.
Three barrels a day --
Our favourite diet!

Just picture a great big mug --
Chilled, foaming and gleaming.
Of, booze,
Wonderful booze,
Marvellous booze,
Glorious booze.

Booze, glorious booze!
What is there more handsome?
Gulped, swallowed or quaffed --
Still worth a king's ransom.
What is it we dream about?
What brings on a sigh?
Piled Staropramen cans,
Six feet high!

Booze, glorious booze!
Drink right through the wine list.
Just loosen your throat
Two gallons and get pissed
Work up a new thirst.
In this interlude --
The booze,
Once again, booze
Fabulous booze,
Glorious booze.

(The boys walk past a window, through which may be seen the town beadle, Mr. Montgomery, who is drinking like there is no tomorrow. And the way he’s going, for him there probably won’t be.)

Booze, glorious booze!
Don't care what it tastes like --
Plonk!
Watered-down!
Cheap!
Don't care what the pub’s like.
Just thinking of growing drunk --
Our senses go reeling
One moment of knowing that
Tanked-up feeling!

Booze, glorious booze!
Come on, just give it
That extra bit more --
One drop of Glenlivet
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On booze,
Magical booze,
Wonderful booze,
Marvellous booze,
Fabulous booze,
Glorious booze!

Yes, I know I've posted this before, but it remains as true now as it did then.

Comments

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I'm not religious, but respect others who are.

Thus if you do drink I might have to insist that you stand out in the garden when you take your first sip ;)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Are you going to have a 'drinkers corner', where those who wish to imbibe the demon drink may do so whilst everyone else sits round and holds a revivalist meeting?

And do you know if you'll be free the last weekend of April yet?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Nah, people can drink where they like, I don't mind... well, within reason of course.

I'm just going to get loaded on sugar instead ;) J₂O's are great!

Last weekend of april, right; I'll check at lunch. *makes a note*

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

In the fridge, for example, and fill the water cooler thingy with vodka. :o)

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm, tempting.

Although there is a massive freezer section for food booze! :)

I had to take the door to my kitchen off to make room for the fridge doors.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Last weekend in April; going to a Wedding. Bah. Sorry. :(

Terry Pratchett skewered this one, I believe

[(Anonymous)]

Robin, I hope you're not turning into one of those annoying, pusillanimous livejournal people who, if the subject of religion comes up, start saying, "I don't have any religious beliefs, but I respect those who do," because it is such a face-saving, weedy, opt-out nostrum, as well as meaning (literally) that they afford equal respect to Thomas More, George W Bush, the Dalai Lama, Aleistair Crowley, suicide bombers, Mother Theresa, people who sacrifice human heads to Quetzalcoatl, people who hear voices telling them to kill prostitutes*, their vicar, George Galloway, born-again druids and Lord Shaftesbury ... in short, it's a way of getting out of making a value judgment. In point of fact I'm sure you're not one of those people anyhow because I've met you. Rant over

H

*I know you say you hear them in your head, David, but I don't believe you

Re: Terry Pratchett skewered this one, I believe

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I find religion a curiosity.

I'm using the word "respect" here I suppose as a cheap get-out clause to basically mean: "Me personally I don't believe in giant pixies in the sky controlling my destiny any more than horoscopes being true. However as I'm fairly polite sort of chap so I won't point this out to you and try and tell you that I think you're wrong; instead I'll privately mark you down as 'one of those religious types' and will try and not trample on any of your ill founded beliefs."

Re: Terry Pratchett skewered this one, I believe

[(Anonymous)]

If someone's beliefs are sufficiently cogent and resilient to examination, I don't think they ought to be offended, exactly, by argument; in fact anyone who claims to value truth ought to welcome argument, as a force for paring away superstitition and prejudice from genuine knowledge. I hope I wouldn't shrink from argument if someone put forward, using techniques of advocacy, the opinion that I was wrong in some regard or other. I hope I wouldn't shrink from from doing the same to others too. Though if I met someone who believed in a giant pixie (never have, I think this person is either pulling your leg or trying to be "wacky") I should probably just feel sorry for them, and if I met someone who believed he could attain Paradise by blowing himself up I'm afraid I'd get off the train and run like the clappers.

H

Re: Terry Pratchett skewered this one, I believe

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Well, the pixie was a metaphor actually.

Although given the nature of humanity (Jedi’s... I ask you...) someone out there have to believe in that.

The problem with a lot of arguments against religion is it comes down to personal experience or faith and then a lot of the time you hit a brick wall when trying to argue against it, therein usually lies the offence or at least a problem in trying to relate.

I know a lot of people who (claim) to have seen ghosts. I've never seen one, I don't believe they exist. Are they lying? Deluded? Mad? Or am I wrong. I firmly believe in the principles of science. They believe in some wispy spooky apparition. A bit of an impasse without ending up pointing a finger at the other and shouting "Loonie!".

And at the end of it all; I'm not a very confrontational person.

Re: Terry Pratchett skewered this one, I believe

[(Anonymous)]

Not wanting to confront you, in that case, Robin (although I hope the pixie you had in mind was a very noble, impressive sort of pixie, an Aslan of pixies, let us trust) but if the religious arguments you're getting into end up with a feeling of "hitting a brick wall" then they are not being conducted with a view to seeing life as a journey, a series of moral decisions if you like - I'm not saying this is not the fault of the people you're arguing with. There are plenty of them around at present.

(There's a reason why John Bunyan wrote "The Pilgrim's Progress," and not "The Pilgrim Digs Himself into a Defensible Redoubt and Takes Potshots at his Attackers.")

I haven't seen a ghost either, don't believe in them on a visceral level, but I know a vicar who was at university with me who has carried out a successful exorcism, and dispite my ghost-related scepticism I cannot help but feel, simultaneously, that this is a tremendously cool thing to have achieved.

H

Re: Terry Pratchett skewered this one, I believe

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't tend to get into religious arguments actually; when I do talk about such things I normally like to explore what the other persons beliefs are, I find religion a very interesting 'thing' to learn about. So maybe a more softly softly approach...

John Bunyan never published anything that made "The Beano" so sadly he has passed me by. Although such things as Wikipedia can funish me with infomation, I've no doubt.

But as for that Vicar, fantastic, and yes very very cool. Loads of kudos to them!

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

It doesn't count as booze if you get someone else to buy it for you

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Get thee behind me, o thou temptress of Beelzebub!

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

It's ok, you don't need to give me directions, I know where the off license is...you owe me a tenner

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I look forward to your exciting new definition of 'owe'.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

It's sort of like a barney the dinosaur impression, except in the case cash for beer :)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah! Sex for barney, cash for booze - both things that could easily happen after easter then, eh?

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

I don't think Barney the dinosaur gets laid, he has no bits

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I've had a Barney Furry suit made especially for the occasion.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

It'd almost be worth it just to see you covered in purple fur

note I said almost

[ukmonty.livejournal.com]

what? another one?

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Barney and sex... Dave mate... you keep this up, I will go out of my way to purchase a Barney "strap on" you know...

You sound like you want it sir.

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Excellent icon! :o)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

He's just scared of me.

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

I fear no muppet!

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Courtasy of the excellent tooth_fairy

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

I've given up booze in a secular fashion since early January. It's pretty awesome, but houseparties have proven fairly sucky :-(

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I never understood why people bother doing the secular thing; this way not only do I get healthier, but I also clock up brownie points with the afterlife. Get in!

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

I meant more that I've given up booze in general, rather than just for a while.

Besides, God loves lefties. *grin*

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

God loves everyone; trying to claim divine support for your side isn't impressing anyone, buster.

But why give up booze at your age? You'll have the rest of your life to worry about liver failure, kidney stones, gout and broken veins. Make the most of your youth whils it lasts!

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

Hey, my statement remains factually correct ;-)

And don't forget I went to medical school; I drank enough there to last me til I'm 40!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Two words: "Godless Communism". :p

And when medical schools describe alcohol as being used for preserving tissue samples, they weren't talking about you!

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

Not. A. Communist! :-p

Ah yes, but I (like many of my former colleagues) behaved like we thought they were...

[breekom.livejournal.com]

I've added you as a livejournal friend, big D. Apt, really, this post as I've been mainlining red wine all week. It's great. You should try it.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Well, hallo there sexy - if crippled - antipodean.

[breekom.livejournal.com]

G'day. You may call me Madam Hopalong.

[(Anonymous)]

Check out what's going on in the word of booze: http://mcbourniescolumn.blogspot.com/ (http://mcbourniescolumn.blogspot.com/)