Ah, Mr. Arbuckle, I've been expecting you.

[davywavy]

Since time immemorial, wannabe Global Supervillains have kidnapped 'scientists' and 'geniuses' in order to build their doomsday weapons with an eye to world conquest, and every single one of these Global Supervillains has singularly failed to build an effective doomsday device or conquer the world. From this we can infer one thing: that the scientist-kidnapping method is obviously deeply flawed.
Thomas Edison once observed that Genius is 'One percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration' and this comment has led me to realise where the supervillains of yesteryear have gone wrong.
As such, as a part of my ongoing campaign of world domination, I'm not going to kidnap scientists. I'm going to kidnap sweaty people.
After all, they're ninety-nine times more likely to be geniuses than inspired people.

My kidnap plan will be simplicity itself. I'll put up a sign reading "Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan convention! Free Pringles for all!" above the open back of a container lorry and then listen for the rumble of pudgy feet as geeks from all around thunder up the (low-gradient) ramp into the back. From there, it's a quick slam of the rear doors and I'm off down the motorway to my secret volcano base with nothing more than plaintive cries of "Where's my Pringles?" from the back ringing in my ears.
Once at my base, I'll force the plump geeks to wear heavy nylon sweaters and lock them in a sauna until they've invented me a death-ray machine.

It can't fail.

Comments

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'll pretend I'm running a health farm, and nobody in their right mind will object to me whipping a crowd of perspiring fanboys whilst screaming "Think harder, fatties!" from my foam-flecked lips.

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

(walks up and down inspecting master-plan and already eager bee-like minions)

An excellent plan Sir.
But you have failed to account for one thing.

Since when have Buffy fans/geeks ACTUALLY invented something?
Oh, tinker with operating systems I agree, masterful skills.
And HR departments and IT support departments across the world would be empty for their ranks.

But actual creative thought? Have you see the state of their role-play campaigns (holds up a heap of papers covered in notes all of which seem varients of the same Tolkien/Feist campaign idea)?

I believe you should stay with the infinite monkeys idea- instead of typewriters you should hand them screwdrivers.
EVENTUALLY one will make a Doomsday Device.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah, you poor, deluded fool. The sweaty geek scheme of world-domination is my pathway to riches and glory. Fear my pungent, wheezing minions!

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Of course I fear them!
They smell!

WAIT!
Of course- if they fail to make a Domsday device the collected pong will be powerful enough to be a weapon of mass destruction!!!

Oh my God man!
You're a genius!

Of course, I could destoy your plan by simply having alluring females stood nearby you truck!
Dressed is psuedo-Goth gear!
Even free Pringles cannot lure them away from THAT!

And then I shall collect the WMD/Geek Pong and then world shall be MINE I tell you, MINE!!!!!
(howls of manic laughter)




I must stop doing that.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

you are bad and wrong...so very wrong

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Why do you think supervillains make their minions wear highly relective, all-body nylon jumpsuits? A sweaty goon is an inspired goon.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

there is no such thing as an inspired goon, sweaty or otherwise

[silver-blue.livejournal.com]

I think you would benefit from adding the note "Personal appearance by Alyson Hannigan" to the sign. This will ensure greater and more violent competition among the geeks to get into your van, providing you with the "cream" of the crop.

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

"... in a leather catsuit", no less. ;o)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

But I don't want the fittest geeks getting in! I want the corpulent, bovine chubsters who struggle to ascend even the shallowest incline - otherwise how can I be sure of really, really sweaty thinkers?

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

So the fatties are captured leaving Alyson hannigan in a catsuit free?

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

I can see failure. Most episodes of Buffy end with some dimwit stumbling into the single means of destroying the baddies totally unintentionally and usually oblivious to the result. I think this is Joss Wheedons closet belief in the power of the universe to take care of itself.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Then Joss Whedon shall be the first to die! Mwa ha ha ha haaa!

Although he does look pretty plump...he might be a good sweater....