It's staying abroad, it's staying abroad, it's staying, football's staying abroad.

[davywavy]

It’s a moot point now, but there’s been a lot in the press over the last few days about how the Scots aren’t supporting the England team in the World Cup, and whether or not they should. Well, finding myself in Glasgow on Saturday, I can confidently tell you that an awful lot of Scots seemed to be supporting England as they played Portugal – especially the cheery Scots in bowler hats wearing orange sashes.

So it was I found myself in Glasgow on the first day of the marching season, that time of year when two groups of people who are utterly indistinguishable from each other to the external observer spend a month or so playing pipes, banging drums and stabbing one another. As I sat in the restaurant where I lunched, the waiter and I watched one or another of those groups striding past and I asked him; “What’s the marching today in aid of?”
He thought for a moment before answering. “Bigotry”, he said, nodding sagely.
Still, England, as I predicted, are out of the World Cup on penalties, which I suppose will give people one less thing to fight over. My idea for future World Cups is this: If England make it through to the third round, then the team should line up in front of goal and spend five minutes kicking footballs over the crossbar before bursting into tears and retiring from the tournament. It’d save a lot of time and emotion, and the net result would be the same as if they’d played on.

As for the rest of my Scotland trip, I stayed at a rather nice hotel, climbed Arthur’s Seat, and wandered around Glasgow School of Art, a building which I would have hated to be a student in but which gave me several interesting ideas about combining the geometries of Modernist architecture and Lovecraftian horror which I might work up into something at some point.
All round, a super time was had in the land of haggis and porridge. Och Aye.

Oh, and a quick competition: Spot the Difference

The Glasgow Underground:


Squirrel Nutty's Ride at Alton Towers:

Comments

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

So you admit it. It's your fault England lost. The voodoo song worked.Join the list of scapegoats and stand in line to be tarred and feathered. We'll ignorn the fact that they hadn't really got much of a chance due to the poor management, lack of strikers, bringing along unfit accident prone players, the heat, the flies, those dammed infernal drums...

[rhythmaning.livejournal.com]

Did you realise that there would be marching?

The sight of an Orange parade always strikes me as being very anachronistic: all those people putting all that energy into celebrating something that happened more than three hundred years ago.

If only they could put that energy to more productive use.

Still, I almost admire the strength and fervour they bring to their marching. One imagines that with that belief they could achieve anything. (Instead of marching through Glasgow...)

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

Did you have any haggis?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Och, aye, lassie. Jings, hoots and suchlike utterances. Of course I did.

[(Anonymous)]

On the subject of wasting time celebrating stuff which happened millenia ago, aren't the perfidious yankee having some sort of jamboree tomorrow?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Are they? One wonders what on earth they have to celebrate?

[(Anonymous)]

According to my almanack, Barings, the now defunct London bank, sponsored some sort of uprising to protect their commercial interests, primarily the production of sugar, cotton, and tobacco in the new world, which was dependent upon the use of large numbers of slaves. (a reprehensible practice prohibited under Habeas Corpus some 667 years previously, but conveniently overlooked as some wealthy farmers in the colony were coining it rather splendidly)

There are a few, best ignored, revisionist theories occaisionally touted by the uneducated.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Now I remember - wasn't slavery outlawed in the American Colonies the year before they decided to kick off, thus ensuring they could remain standing on the back of the downtrodden for another century?

[(Anonymous)]

You are partially correct. In point of law, Habeas Corpus also forms part of Untied States law, and, as such, slavery has always been illegal there, since Habeas Corpus was enacted in 1305, predating the colonisation of the new world by europeans. I would commend study of 'The Somerset Case' to anyone interested in learning more of the matter.

Due to this 'oversight' the United States became the last outpost of slavery in the occident, finally engaging in a somewhat bitter civil war to settle the matter some years later.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

So what's this celebration the Americans are having called? "Thumbs up for slavery day", or something?

[(Anonymous)]

Something like that I believe, although Barney the Dinosaur features quite strongly. Perhaps "Barney the Dinosaur's minority suppression & cross-burning bonanza?"

Put me down for two tickets.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

So it's a celebration of the cornerstones of American civilisation? I'm there.

[kcontheroad.livejournal.com]

Seems to me you lot rather enjoyed the cheap cotton, sugar, and tobacco. Perhaps I'm mistaken?

[(Anonymous)]

I think it somewhat ironic that having been the engine behind the worldwide abolition of slavery in the mid 19th century, Britain is now quietly complicit in the enslavement of millions of Chinese. That moral high ground is pretty slippery

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

But the Chinese aren't real people.

[(Anonymous)]

That's good, their organs are pefectly compatible for transplant and so reasonably priced. I shan't pay another moments thought to their provenance.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Just think of them like squinty tan pigs.

I'm sure you can make them squeal.

[(Anonymous)]

Not with their mouths full I can't

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Oh yes we are! And I have fireworks.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Have you got some slaves to whip as well?

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

I'm hunting for Mexicans to pick berries for me at 4 cents an hour.

Know any?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Alas, no. You're going for a modernist rather than a traditionalist approach to celebrating your nationhood then?

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

It's important to keep up with the modern US in considering its glory. I will be throwing tea somewhere innapropriate though.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's important to keep up with the modern US in considering its glory

So you'll be cramming food into your gob until you're incapable of movement and then sueing McDonalds, then?

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Of course! The four Ls:

Laziness
Litigation
Legislation
Louisiana

Give Newt time to tack them on as an amendment.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You forgot licentiousness! It's the only reason I ever visit your motherland.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Only in some states where the Jewish control everything.

You'll find the 4 Ls (including Louisiana) are uplheld in all 50 in spades.

[(Anonymous)]

They prefer "African-Americans".

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Damn it! First spades, then coons.... now African-Americans?

What's next? 'People?!'

[rhythmaning.livejournal.com]

In local parlance, the Glasgow underground is referred to as the Clockwork Orange.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Yes, and also Dante's Underground, on account of it having an inner and an outer circle.

[rhythmaning.livejournal.com]

Not because it is hellish and doesn't go anywhere, then?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

No, that's more of a description of Glasgow itself.

[queenortart.livejournal.com]

Did you get the big chunky email I sent you?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I did, thanks, but I have yet to actually open it!

[hardwired.livejournal.com]

Nice to see the family still keeping the Left Footers down!

;)

Jason

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

They're not doing that well - there was only one murder in Glasgow on Saturday.

Orangemen

[(Anonymous)]

I hope you didn't deign to cross the road and try to quick step between the marchers or you would have probably have seen Glasgow's knife culture close up.

Your comment betrays more than a little lack of insight given that you 'drum' out the 'one side as bad as the other line'on this serious sectarian problem in Scotland. I like the irony of your haggis and och aye comments in the circumstances. Perhaps you could do a little Morris Dance and post a link.

Re: Orangemen

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'm with Stanley Beecham on the 'try everything but incest and morris dancing' line, so no link I'm afraid.
As for sectarianism, I'm sorry to say that I often find it difficult to see any real difference between groups, be they in India, Cambodia, Iraq, or Scotland. Perhaps this is because people are more likely to be tolerant and accepting of groups who are sufficiently different from themselves that clear dividing lines can be drawn. We are all too often put at loggerheads with people who disagree with us on details whilst agreeing on greater matters. What can be done about that.
You're right that juxtaposing the cheery tone of nonsense in some aspects and comment on sectarianism in the same post was a bad idea, though. I hadn't thought of that, so apologies for any offense caused.

Re: Orangemen

[(Anonymous)]

> 'one side as bad as the other line'on this serious sectarian problem

http://www.filibustercartoons.com/archive.php?id=20060227