[Review] Superman Returns

[davywavy]

Don't waste your money.


















Oh, you want more?
The Good:
1) Lex Luther and the design aesthetic which follows him about. Kevin Spacey predictably chews the scenery as criminal mastermind Lex Luther and plainly has a whale of a time about it, whilst the retro-40's themed design which surrounds him and wherever he goes is a visual delight.

2) The score. You can't do much wrong with John Williams' original soundtrack.

3) Superman and his super-deeds. Every scene featuring Superman doing super stuff is a winner. There are, however, nothing like enough of them.

The Bad:
1) I'll get straight to the point: There is a moment, about two thirds into this film, wherein your jaw will hit the floor with a resounding thump at the imbecilic banality of something you have just witnessed. Up until then, it's been pretty plain sailing. It's been a bit up and down, not as good as your inner geek might hope, but not all bad. From this moment on, the film is irredemable - it is impossible to maintain any tension in moments of drama or danger. Take my advice and leave the cinema when Lois gets on board Lex's boat. You will have seen a pretty good film to this point and you won't want to spoil it.
Speaking of which...

2) Lois Lane. It is inconceivable that a person with her lumpen and uninteresting command of the English language could ever have won the Pullitzer prize*. Moreover, such a boring woman would not attract a horde of male followers who, let's face it, could have their pick of the ladies. Whilst pretty, she is so self-obsessed, sulky and generally boring that it's a wonder she hasn't got a Livejournal. Her emotional range runs irritating to sulky, and she milks it to the full.

3) Superman as stalker. Superman should be out doing super stuff, not hanging around in his ex-girlfriends garden using x-ray vision to look at her in her underwear. That's the sort of thing I would do if I had superpowers, which, take it from me, automatically means that Superman wouldn't.

^{An award which has gone to such megabrains as Douglas Hofstadter for Godel, Escher, Bach in the past.}

Comments

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

"Hmmm, Superman returns after 5 years, where has he been? Oh, hi Clark how was your 5 year no-postcards, no-contact trip?"

Weak.

JmC
Though I admit that is an ongoing problem with the whole premise. But still.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The entire emotional plot of the film was based upon Superman having unprotected, premarital sex and then not calling in the morning? What is this? Superman: the drunken college years?

[(Anonymous)]

That the whole 'is he / isn't he' conundrum is thrown away so blithely pretty much sums up the whole film: The Superman franchise is golden, and I can't think of a better way to trash it than this donkey.

Don't get me started on the 'will superman die' (No, unfortunately)scene.

The only good thing about this film is the impossibility of anyone posting spoilers, as the writer and director have done a bang up job of ruining it already

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

I wasn't gonna meantion that because of spoilers but now that you have-

The kid thing was so unbelievably awful that I actually started inventing senarios in my mind "Maybe, like, when he lost his powers in Superman 2 they, uh, and then, but in that case why would, well um.... no it's just shit."

Plus if he still had Kryptonite in his side (he did- it was removed in hospital) then none of his fucking powers work! Yet he still flies millions of tons of rock into orbit.

GrrrrRRRrrr!


JmC
I hate inconsistancy

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It was all I could do not to slap my head into my hands during the piano-shoving scene. From that moment on there was no dramatic tension in any secene where Lois & son are threatened. Trapped in locked room in sinking boat? No worries, your kid is son of Superman! There's no feeling of threat whatsoever.
I considered worrying about spoilers, but this is so shit that it's not a spoiler, it's a warning.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Damn it people! Voluntary suspension of disbelief. Did Sharon Stone teach you nothing?!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

There's voluntary suspension of disbelief (people don't notice Clarke is Superman), and there's a requiring a lobotomy (people don't notice Clarke whilstling the Superman theme whilst standin by a life-sized cardboard cutout of Superman).
I'll suspend disbelief so long as the scriptwriters don't make it too stupid.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

I think you're giving our fellow humans a lot of credit. Because I constantly assume that people are that stupid, I tend to believe....

[jonnyargles.livejournal.com]

Always check for ice picks under the bed before you sleep with a crazy lady.

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

He did send postcards... his mum was faking them for him... sadly they cut that scene, along with the 20million return to Krypton

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

So a scene which would make this turkey at least pretend to make sense was cut? Why? So they could have more Superman and Son bonding scenes? That's just plain fuckwitted.

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

I always get confused by cutting choices, though I'm probably one of the few people that thought Pirates of the Caribbean 2 could have done with being a bit longer.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Agreed.
JmC
But at least they'd kinda thought about it

[ksirafai.livejournal.com]

Am semi-reliably informed that there's a cut scene in which Martha Kent wanders round the world for five years, posting postcards on behalf of Clark.

The world despairs.

:P

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

That doesn't help.

[ksirafai.livejournal.com]

Nor does the fact that, as annwfyn points out, Sally in glasses makes people squint at her funny and say 'is there something different about you today?' whereas for Clark Kent it's a disguise as effective as anything Raffles or the Scarlet Pimpernel came up with. Suspension of disbelief is a necessity for anything superhero based...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The old Superman/Clark thing is quite cute and funny and I'll let it pass. Having Clark furiously tapdancing to the Superman theme and nobody noticing just insults the intelligence of the audience, though.

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

I've always assumed there was some hidden psychic power that confused people, like a low power version of his amnesia kiss in Superman II. Otherwise it's almost as dumb as He-Man and Prince Adam.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Exactly. People just don't knotice unless he takes the piss by, say, vanishing for exactly the same period as Superman and then standing next to raw footage of Superman looking just like him.
You always kinda assume that Clark at least has to take some care.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

It's the personality change see. A metaphor for the hero inside....

[jonnyargles.livejournal.com]

The official DC line was that the glasses were made from hypnotic glass that made other people see something completely different. No, really.

Never explained how this worked in photos, though.