Tiffianity is a fake religion.
Oct. 3rd, 2006 09:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyYesterday morning, I created the religion of Tiffianity with high hopes. A new age would dawn for mankind, bringing wisdom and truth to the benighted, ignorant masses. Alas, therefore, that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vulgarcriminal has posted her Ten Commandments and I find that I disagree with some of them.
It's not every day that someone starts a religion and becomes an Apostate of it within 24 hours. It usually takes weeks.
So it is that, in line with the history of fruitcake-organised fringe religions, I'm officially starting a splinter group which will be called the Church of Tiffanology. The primary purpose of this will be to recapture the basic idea of Tiffany, which we Tiffanologists feel Tiffany herself has lost.
We Tiffanologists believe that Tiffany travelled to our country many years ago in a craft that looked strangely like a DC-10, and that she was not thrown into a volcano.
Tiffanologists will be encouraged to invest in a "T-Meter". When hooked up to the T-Meter, the Tiffanologist can be "Audited" for "Imbecility". The T-Meter does this by measuring levels of incandescent rage in the subject when "Imbecilic" statements like "Gordon Brown is a good chancellor", "Bureaucracies are a fair and efficient means of distributing resources" and "Political parties should be funded by the taxpayer" are read to them.
If the subject is not angered by these statements, then they are deemed to show too much "Imbecility", and they are be treated with a round of punitive beatings and ruthless mockery until the slightest mention of John Prescott is enough to cause a vein to throb in their forehead.
Eventually Tiffanologists aspire to become "OT", or "Operating Tiffans".
And all this for the low, low price of 50% of your net income. Who's in?
vulgarcriminal has posted her Ten Commandments and I find that I disagree with some of them.It's not every day that someone starts a religion and becomes an Apostate of it within 24 hours. It usually takes weeks.
So it is that, in line with the history of fruitcake-organised fringe religions, I'm officially starting a splinter group which will be called the Church of Tiffanology. The primary purpose of this will be to recapture the basic idea of Tiffany, which we Tiffanologists feel Tiffany herself has lost.
We Tiffanologists believe that Tiffany travelled to our country many years ago in a craft that looked strangely like a DC-10, and that she was not thrown into a volcano.
Tiffanologists will be encouraged to invest in a "T-Meter". When hooked up to the T-Meter, the Tiffanologist can be "Audited" for "Imbecility". The T-Meter does this by measuring levels of incandescent rage in the subject when "Imbecilic" statements like "Gordon Brown is a good chancellor", "Bureaucracies are a fair and efficient means of distributing resources" and "Political parties should be funded by the taxpayer" are read to them.
If the subject is not angered by these statements, then they are deemed to show too much "Imbecility", and they are be treated with a round of punitive beatings and ruthless mockery until the slightest mention of John Prescott is enough to cause a vein to throb in their forehead.
Eventually Tiffanologists aspire to become "OT", or "Operating Tiffans".
And all this for the low, low price of 50% of your net income. Who's in?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
And it came upon that one Dave did betray his LORD
Date: 2006-10-03 09:13 am (UTC)Embrace your inner Tiffany
Date: 2006-10-03 09:21 am (UTC)Would you like to buy this book? And maybe a special 'anger crystal'?
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 09:51 am (UTC)Do we get to call you Tiff for short?
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 09:54 am (UTC)You can call me 'sir'.
By the way, would you care to buy this fine book? "Tiffanetics, the new science of Mental Health".
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 09:56 am (UTC)Tiffyhood sounds rude, I don't know why
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 09:58 am (UTC)"Her cries of joy abounded as, with the abandon of passion, he seized her Tiffyhood and plunged into it's most secret depths"
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 10:04 am (UTC)'he eased backed her tiffyhood to espose the pearl beneath...'
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 11:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 12:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 12:37 pm (UTC)a) I accidentally posted anonymously and
b) I wasn't bad and wrong enough on it :p
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 12:36 pm (UTC)Many men seek for the tiffy but few know where it is.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 01:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 01:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 02:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 03:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 03:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 10:10 am (UTC)My accountant tells me I lost 50k last year, so I await your cheque with anticipation.
Unless the book is printed on nice soft paper I probably won't get round to reading it.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 10:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 11:39 am (UTC)Want to buy a peerage?
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 12:10 pm (UTC)I mean, if you got a peerage for giving Broon a hundred grand or so, I'd be a Duke by now given the amount of tax he's slurped out of my pockets in the last few years.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 12:30 pm (UTC)However, for a mere ten bob, I can make pretty well sure that that the stirling work Archduke David is doing in the inner city is recognised in next years honours.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 05:00 pm (UTC)So anyway, i've decided to be the goddess of quiet places and all benighted souls, burnt out by worshiping tiffianity, can find solace in my presence.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 11:56 am (UTC)