National Animals

[davywavy]

With the London 2012 Olympics on the way, I suppose that soon enough we'll start seeing suggestions for the London Olympic mascot. In line with modern touchy-feely inclusiveness, I suspect that this will involve lots of competitions involving Ken Livingstone hanging out with photogenic grinning schoolchildren waving their scrawled crayon daubs before the design-agency created figure which was going to win all along is dramtically unveiled.
Olympic mascots are usually based upon the National Animals of the host nation, and so we've had Miska, the world's gayest bear, for the Russian Olympics, or Sam the Eagle for the Los Angeles Olympics. I rather hope that the London 2012 Olympics will use a bulldog, possibly in boxing kit standing over a bloodied and beaten cockerel.

Most nations have their 'National Animal' - usually one which they feel reflects the most striking aspects of their country, so The US has the Eagle, China the Dragon, India the Tiger, Italy the Possum, and so on. England, being the very best nation, has two animals, the Bulldog and the Lion. Despite the world having moved on from days of Imperial glory, these remain appropriate. The Bulldog is a dribbling, friendly animal which will occasionally get cross and take your hand off or crap on your carpet for no apparent reason, whilst the lion looks majestic and proud, but in reality it prefers to lie about all day and wait for the women to get it dinner.
But what about other National Animals?
Dragon (China): Rapacious and ruthless, the Dragon has no qualms about devouring its own peasants in order to gather a huge pile of riches to gloat over.
Bald Eagle (USA): The exemplar of nobility, bravery and justice, it is little surprise that the Bald Eagle is critically endangered and has flirted with extinction several times.
Cockerel (France): Strutting and preening, the cockerel has a 2-minute memory and remains witlessly belligerent regardless of the number of previous defeats.
The Red Hand of Ulster (Unionist Ireland): A scuttling monstrostity like Thing from the Addams family, the red hand brings purposeless terror to any innocents it encounters.

This did get me wondering what would be an appropriate Animal for the European union as it heads further towards unified statehood. A Chimera, perhaps? A Hydra, where every severed neck immediately springs forth two new twisting, coiling heads? Then it struck me:
Frankensteins monster (EU): Stitched together from incompatible parts, the monster lumbers brainlessly about commiting atrocities wherever it steps as it is incapable of judging right from wrong.

Any that you can think of?

Comments

[elbly.livejournal.com]

I think the monster pretty much sums it up, appart from the fact that the monster was quite nice and amiable until the villagers, being scared of his apperence, taunt him until he becomes angry and agressive.

Maybe it should be "White's Monkey" (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1263758.stm): it all looks okay from the outside, but nothing really functions as it should.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

A truly grotesque monstrosity, wherein the head dues not relate to the body but is just a parasitical appendage upon its life blood! Why, it's the EU all over.

[elbly.livejournal.com]

*bows*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/]

Yes, ignorant peasants scared of something miraculous and potentially wonderful would sum it up nicely. Its also good for the UN but the peasants would all have to be American then, and clutching copies of 'Loose Change' and model black hellicopters instead of burning torches.

They saved Hitlers brain

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

If there was communiction between the head and the body then I suspect people would be less concerned by it, but as the article notes the head does not commicate with the body and instead simply is a parasite upon it.
Working on ways to generate nerves so disparate body parts can and do communicate whilst working autonomously would be better, it's noted.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Australia
The amiable and odd Kangaroo uses a bizarre method of movement that confuses everyone else. Always hopping in for a quick Barbie, his pouch is handy for carrying the odd tinny in as well - just in case.
Whilst placid and silly looking the Kangaroo ultimately packs a punch that Mike Tyson would be proud of, don't go trying to just piss him off

Fun

[applez.livejournal.com]

But I would add that the image of the Bald Eagle as a regal bird of prey is somewhat deminished by the fact that it frequently scavenges from the dead. Another great national metaphor, eh? ;-)

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Bonabo monkey- fucks everything it sees?

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

not a monkey...Bonobo chimps are apes and our nearest cousin. I was told at a recent school reunion that if I were a chimp I'd be a Bonobo.....not sure how to take that. Wales also has the Dragon, but with wings. Oriental dragons have no wings but still manage to fly. How would the welsh use their native beast? To soar into the heavens? Or flame grill their burger? Probably the later.

[(Anonymous)]

Probably to ignite holiday cottages owned by the English, and to keep unwalked in small urine soaked yards out the back of their squalid hovels, as tough guy status symbols.

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

So, you bin round our 'ouse then 'ave you, te?

[(Anonymous)]

Only when you were out, on the rob like.

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

You might 'ave wiped yer feet an' washed yer cup after.

[(Anonymous)]

Respect for other peoples property? I've been taking lessons from Gordon Brown: What's mine is mine, and what's yours is for me to sqaunder in bizarre & ill conceived post-feudalist experiment. Back in the pepper mine, peasant.

And get a proper telly, that one wasn't worth taking.

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

We ad'n't got a telly. No point cos we couldn't pick anything up here. Mind you the lodger, who calls 'imself a proffessor, was knockin' on about somethin' 'e made bein' missin'.

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

You are of course right- the Bonobo is NOT a monkey- although I believe that the main reqason it IS called our nearest relative is purely because they use dildos.

Disposable dildos.

Which, when you think about it, is a mark of higher intelligence really. Language, mathmatics, culture- these things come and go. But sex toys have been with us since... well maybe since we were still in the trees?
(grins)