Gyspy Rose David sees quite a lot, knows quite a bit.

[davywavy]

Well, the other day I predicted that Jade Goody would be the star of a programme about her trip to India to 'learn about their culture'.

Well, guess what's in the media news this morning?.

Now, as I see it this means one of two things - either I'm pretty media savvy and I missed my true calling as the new Max Clifford, or that I have well developed psychic powers and I can see the future.
Guess which of those possibilities I prefer?

So, making use of my strong powers of prognostication, I'm offering my services as a forutne teller! Ask me questions, one and all. Want to know whether you'll win the lottery? Or whether to pop the question to that certain someone? I see all!
My answers are guaranteed.*


^{* In that I guarantee to answer. I make no promises to the accuracy of said answers. Accuracy can go down as well as up. Actual Gypsy heritage of David is neither guaranteed nor inferred by the name 'Gypsy Rose David'. Check with your independent fortune teller advisor before making decisions based upon answers. No correspondence will be entered into. All answers are final and Gypsy Rose David accepts no responsibility for decisions to act (or not) upon said answers. Your statutory rights are not affected. Fancy a bit of lucky white heather or a clothes peg, dearies? Ooh, dear, you need your drive tarmaccing. You're lucky because we're on the way back from a job with a load in the back of the truck and can do it for you for, say, a hundred quid?}

Comments

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

Oh, Gypsy Rose David, when I finally attack all my colleagues with an axe, will my solicitor's use of the "But they were all tossers, m'Lud" defence be successful?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Alas, no. I recommend you upload child pornography to all their computers before murdering them and then blame that. No right-thinking jury of News of the World readers will convict you for such an act of justifiable homicide.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh Gypsy Rose David, what with it being near the end of the month and after Christmas and everything, I'm a bit strapped for cash, but my lodger is on the habit of leaving loose change scattered on the floor of his room. If I steal it, do you suppose he will notice?

H

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I predict that not only will he notice, he'll inflict a terrible, terrible retribution upon you. Oh! How my gypsy cheeks blanch with terror as I see the horrible fate which awaits you if you pursue this course!

[elbly.livejournal.com]

Gypsy Rose David, will I be held accountable for my actions if I remove a few chavs from the face of the world... specifically Essex. Will anyone, in fact, notice?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'm reliably informed that the police tend to frown on such behaviour. Might I suggest that you run for election and become Home Secretary? Then you can have people banged up without trial for any reason which pleases you and nobody will be able to do anything about it?

[fonnparr.livejournal.com]

Oh New Age Traveller Rose David, Please tell me who dies in the next Harry Potter book.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Professor Snape and Sirius Black (again).

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I thought you alraedy were on the Gin at 7am?

However, the mists of the future part in my crystal ball and reveal to me that the only chance of wedded happiness you have is for me to exercise Prima Nocte on your wedding night. With this blessing your days henceforth shall be happy and joyous.

will my PhD pass viva conferring upon me the honoured status of Dr Burn (nee Bickerstaff) or will I just go through all of the above as a dullard as well as a potential sot?

You are aware that those two options are not mutually exclusive, aren't you? I see both. Hmn.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Prima Nocte it is then. My place or yours?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Well, assuming that this Andy fellow is a northerner, I'll point to the oaths of fealty which Marshal Wade forced upon his ancestors and which have never been rescinded.

Look! The mists are parting and showing the future! Prima Nocte. Right there. You cannot avoid it. It is...your destiny.

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

Gypsy Rose David, if I correct you about your use of "inferred" in your disclaimer when "implied" would be correct, how will you react..?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Why, I will shake my head, tut, and observe that your dossy job obviously doesn't keep you busy enough!

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

Hmm, OK, then, what would happen if I were to indicate that you're the one running a prognostication scam, and I'm just being a bit of a stickler for grammar..?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Scam? Scam?! Why, look'ee here! The mists of the future are parting and showing that people who accuse me of running a scam die by drowning. What do you think of that, eh?

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I can swim, is all...

*grin*

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Cross my palm with silver and you can avoid a terrible fate! It's the only way!

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

Evil Gordo McBroon took it all to buy caviar...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's ever the way.

[hiromasaki.livejournal.com]

But "Weird Al" Yankovic has dumped girlfriends for such an infraction! He even said so in a song!

[hiromasaki.livejournal.com]

Oh Wise and Powerful Gypsy Rose David. Would it trouble you to answer me but one question?

WHY did my country have to elect a self-righteous dullard who thinks he's in the Blues Brothers as our supreme executive? Or is the "fringe" media such as the local independants and Rolling Stone on to something that the election was stolen wholesale, and I can rest easy about the intelligence of my peers?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah, to answer that question we must needs look back in time to see the truth. the reason that self-righteous dullards were elected in both our countries was because successful appeals were made to the short-term self-interest of the electorate, who abrogated their long term responsibility to others to an external authority in return for hollow promises of honesty and financial reward.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You wish!