Yet another reason Gordon Brown would be a lousy Prime Minister.

[davywavy]

Blofeld: You heard me correctly, Mr. Brown. Unless you pay me one million pounds by midnight, I shall detonate my atom bomb, obliterating London and killing millions. Ha ha ha! Ha ha haaaa ha ha ha ha!
Brown: This would be the atom bomb that ye stole, the noo?
Blofeld: Yes, but I don’t see what that has to do with-
Brown: So the million would be fully subject to capital gains at forty percent, aye?
Blofeld: What?!
Brown: And that base o’ evil I can see behind ye on your viewscreen? Has it been assessed fer business rates?
Blofeld: Ah...um...Enterprise zone?
Brown: Aye, I thought not. That’s another nine percent on top o’that.
Blofeld: You misunderstand me Mr. Brown. The one million is non-negotiab–
Brown: Aye. And that army of jumpsuit clad goons. Have ye been making employers National Insurance contributions on their pay? I doot it! Another eleven percent.
Blofeld: Now just wait a minute!
Brown: And that silo must’ve cost ye a fair few bawbees an’ no mistake – but ye’ve never submitted a tax return! So there’s a mandatory one hundred poond fine plus interest for each return not submitted on time. Not to mention the fine for not submitting a formal planning application.
Blofeld: Now I’m sure we can talk about this like sensible –
Brown: And no VAT returns neither! Another seventeen point five percent! Aye, it's a rod fer yer own back ye've made here, Blofeld.
Blofeld: But –
Brown: So, by my calculation that million poonds comes to two hundred and twenty thousand, nine hundred poonds and fifty pence.
Blofeld: You make me angry Mr. Brown!
Brown: Less corporation tax at nineteen percent.
Blofeld: What the?!
Brown: And then there’s income tax at another forty percent. Och! That’s one hundred and six thousand, nine hundred and twenty poonds left.
Blofeld: Your last chance, Brown! Pay the million or-
Brown: And those rickety gantries behind ye look like a clear breach o' European Health and Safety regulations! There's a statutory fine to pay ye know!
Blofeld: Right! That does it! London burns! [Presses button].
Brown: Och! Setting off a thermonuclear device! Ye’ve just incurred a charge under the climate change levy! Hallo? Hallo?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Didn't he co-write the original Blackadder scripts?

If he didn't then no, he was never funny. Poor fellow.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The first series of Blackadder was written by Rwan Atkinson and Richard Curtis, which explains why it was the funniest. Subsequent series were written by Curtis and Ben Elton with Elton taking over more and more as they went on - hence the series' rapid decline.

[(Anonymous)]

I sit corrected. Ben Elton was apparently never funny.
Can you enlighten me as to whether Jo Brand was ever funny?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Never intentionally, although she was a source of considerable ribald amusement to myself and Matt Foster when she was on Saturday Night Live back in the 1980's

[(Anonymous)]

Aha, but you forget, neither of these "entertainers" was a proper socialist comedian, so they haven't had a proper chance to be funny.

If the world ever produced a genuine socialist state, employing its own state comedians, they would undoubtedly keep their audiences in a utopian state of perpetual mirth.

H

[http://users.livejournal.com/_grimtales_/]

Hmm, generally I find 2 and 3 to be the best Blackadder series. Apart from The Witchsmeller and the presence of Brian Blessed the first series just doesn't have that much going for it and Fourth was a little too sombre (believe it or not) to quite work.

Some of Elton's stand-up was alright, but mostly the more observational bits.

He co-wrote The Young Ones, which was funny, and Filthy Rich and Catflap which was inconsistent, but underrated.

The Thin Blue Line was a pile of shite though, as have many of his books been, though some have a whiff of the old funny about them. Stark had its moments anyway.

If he deserves to be damned for anything it is liking Benny Hill.