In tests, eight out of ten owners said their cat preferred crack.

[davywavy]

My mother has a slightly odd theory for feeding her cat, which is that she'll only give it cat food flavours which the cat might - theoretically - be able to catch for itself. So she's fine with turkey, chicken and cod, for example, but not with beef. I can sort of see the logic behind this until she gets out the tuna flavour, at which point I have to ask how she expects little fluffy to land a 400lb marlin whilst being incapable of bringing down an ox. She just looks shifty and mutters something about cats being very cunning when I ask.

I've known for a long time that cat food manufacturers stuff their products with artificial scents to make their revolting glop more appealing to your pets. This is why when cat food has been left out for a few hours an animal just won't eat it - the fake smell of loveliness has worn off and left just the actual rank stench of mechanically recovered meats behind. What I didn't know is that things have moved on since I last looked into this sort of thing and that now the manufacturers don't just make their food smell nice, they actively make it addictive. This is why when 8 out of 10 owners say their cats prefer brand X, it's because their cats don't actually have much of a choice:

What we hear
You: Good morning tiddles! Did mummy's dumpsy-wumpums sleep well? Did we? Are we hungry? Yes we are, aren't we? Would we like some Kitteenosh?
Cat: Good morning mummy! I love you! I love you so much! And some food? For me? Oh, you shouldn't have!

What cats are actually saying
You: Good morning tiddles! Did mummy's dumpsy-wumpums sleep well? Did we? Are we hungry? Yes we are, aren't we? Would we like some Kitteenosh?
Cat: ohgodohgodohgod give me a FIX I NEED A FIX give me a FIX or i'll CUT you, Bitch ohgodohgod the twitching has started ohgod give me a FIX

I propose a new brand of non-addictive cat food to wean your moggy of the vile dregs of the abbatoir upon which most pets are fed. The first flavour will be 'Cold Turkey'.
For more reasons than one.

Comments

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

No, it's because she wants you peddling your ass on street corners to pay for her next roll.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

I'm deliberately feeding my two different brands to stop them getting dependant on one (in case in becomes discontinued). In retrospect it may be all that I'm doing is addicting them to cat-coke AND cat-heroin...

JmC
Cat speedball

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

They'll be selling themselves to sailors for Kitekat before you know it.

The 'E' in the brand name isn't just for show, you realise.

[commlal.livejournal.com]

My cats actually dont give a shit what we feed them, wiskers, felix, or cheap and nasty tescos, they just want FED, damn it.

By your mothers logic they should make vole, mouse and rat flavour cat food.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Well, those are amongst the usual ingredients, so why not be honest about the flavour? I'd also go with 'baby sparrow' flavour.

[commlal.livejournal.com]

Or baby mice, which is what one of my cats brought home then promptly ate.

I can't see one of my cats catching a fish, although one of my mothers friends had a massive black tom cat who would frequently bring home whole rabbits and salmon.

[lapinenoireuk.livejournal.com]

"one of my mothers friends had a massive black tom cat who would frequently bring home whole rabbits"

BASTARD !!! {grin}

[lapinenoireuk.livejournal.com]

Suppose this goes a long way to explain cat burglars.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's true - most petty crime is carried out by cats with the biggest pupils you've ever seen.

[breekom.livejournal.com]

the last cat we had, imaginatively named 'pusskitten', was addicted to whiskas.

she lived to 24 years of age. clearly they're very good.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Plainly the keith Richards of the feline world.

[lapinenoireuk.livejournal.com]

Would also explain those shifty looking tabbies that seem to sit on fences all the time.

Tabby - "So whatcha got ?"
Strung out kitten "Hey man - I snatched the old lady's jewellery and the kid's birthday presents - that's got to be worth a can or two"
Tabby - "You think ? I'll give you a couple of sachets for the lot"
Strung out kitten "Shit man - it's worth more than than that"
Tabby "Sachet ......take it or leave it"

And another kitten is set on the slow spiral down to lap dancing and "doing favours" for ugly scarred old moggies called Butch.