Things would have been so different with alcopops.

[davywavy]

A friend of mine is a history teacher who has a fairly hands-on approach to learning about the past. For example, noting that for a long time it was common practise to drink 'small beer' for breakfast, he set about brewing his own and drinking it for breakfast himself to see what the effects would be.
He says that he's not sure about the quality of his teaching, but the days simply flew by.

This thing is, for a huge amount of human history, it wasn't safe to drink the water and as things like tea (and boiled water to make it) or the germ theory of disease weren't available the only liquid that could be safely drunk was anything with alcohol in it.
This leads to one inescapable conclusion: for the vast proportion of human history, everyone in the world was completely hammered pretty much all the time. When you think about it in that light, most of history suddenly makes a great deal more sense.

Great plastered moments in history

Centurion: But Julius! If we cross the Rubicon, then it means civil war with Rome!
Julius: Ah jus'...jus' wanna get me coat. Lef' me coat in Rome. Jus' let me back in to get me coat. Don' wan' no trouble. Jus' coat.


Sailor: Um...Chris? Aren't the Indies that way?
Columbus: Lissen. I know wha'...wha'... I'm goin that way. Good navigator, me. Good navi...That way. I can read a map. Good Navigator.


Cavalryman: Gosh. That's a lot of Indians, isn't it? Let's keep our heads down, eh?
Custer: C'mon yer fu...fu...fu...bastids! Yer all puffs! Puffs! I'll tek yer all! C'mon! Think yer hard do yer? C'mon!


Marshal Ney: Mon Empereur? If the attack upon Moscow is not a success, how shall we return the army to France safely?
Napoleon: Easy! We shall simply 'op upon ze beer scooter and be 'ome for morning, with a kebab, a traffic cone and a policewoman's helmet!

Comments

Sorry, boring brewer's response...

[sea-of-flame.livejournal.com]

I do plan to try a batch of small beer at some point, out of similar curiosity.

Don't suppose he's got details of how he made it/what percentage it came out, did he? I seem to remember that a sailor's beer ration used to be something like 8 pints a day, and they had some pretty nasty punishments for being drunk on duty, so it seems people did manage to get by...

[adventink.livejournal.com]

Erpingham: Coz, let's just hop a ship and go home. We can come back to France next summer.

Henry V: Bleh, bloody frogs. Ooo..I knoweth a swank spot in Calais. There's this one slashing tart... Oi! Boys! We're off to Calais!


Colin Powel: Mr. President, for the umpteenth time, there are NO terrorists in Iraq!

George: I'M the PRESIDENT!. ME! Mememememe!. If I says they're there, then there they be! It was good enough fer my Daddy and I'm damn well gonna do the same!

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

I think you have hit on a valid point there

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

Discoveries of great scientific merit take on a whole new angle.
Fleming; "Jeez! My head. What the f**k did I do with that petrie dish"
Not to mention explorative adventures.
Livingstone; "Wa's yer name? Shandley? Shtandby? Shanley? 'K. Shanley, you gotta come wi'me. I been followin' this trail wh..weeks..wheeks.Can't seem to geroff it.Juz keep comin back 'ere."

[applez.livejournal.com]

Have you read Jared Diamond's "Collapse"?

Lovely description of the water shortage problem on Easter Island - suggests that the significant fall-back liquid was pulped sugarjuice...and no, it doesn't appear that the Islanders got it together to figure out alchohol from their base sugar source - they were too thirsty to wait. Apparently the sugar diet explained their utterly rotted teeth ... and quite possibly the energy to build those stone heads. :-)

[tintintin.livejournal.com]

Apart from the Chinese, who favoured tea instead of beer (and so invented everything ever whilst us filthy Occidentals were whoring and wassailing).

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Quite so; the introduction of tea to the western mass market in the C19 was a turning point in history to my mind.

[tintintin.livejournal.com]

Indeed - Beer Street and Gin Lane were no longer the norm, no longer quite such a detrimental blight on urban society. The introduction of tea in quantities and price available to the masses set it apart from the earlier attempts to find an alternative to alcohol from the new world, ie chocolate and coffee. Imagine if the Quakers (Cadbury's, Terry's, and so on) had fixed on tea instead of chocolate...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

So a suburb of Birmingham would now be called Lapsang Suchong? the world could only be improved.

[tintintin.livejournal.com]

Pronouncing 'Darjeeling' in a brummie accent is also most amusing...