I'm really starting to lose my patience with people trying to murder me.

[davywavy]

As a decadent, Western hegemonising spawn of the great Satan, I'm often asked: "Have you had enough, effendi, are you quaking in terror? Do you give up?"

Well, here we go again. A bunch of swivel-eyed whackos (pretty much indistuingishable in methods, motivation and ideology from any other) have decided that I - and you - are a legitimate target.
Because of this international movement to undermine my way of life and reduce me to such quivering terror that I dare not leave the house, I was twenty minutes home from work on Friday. Twenty minutes! It's an outrage.
I'm just glad that these wannabe suicide attackers haven't figured out that the real way to bring London to a standstill is to jump in front of a Victoria or Circle Line train at rush hour. Then we'd all be more than an hour late home. You can imagine the conversation in Paradise now:
"I killed myself bombing London and the entire metropolis was crippled with terror for almost twenty-five minutes!"
"That is nothing. I hopped in front of the Northern Line and nobody could get home until almost eight o'clock. Pass me another virgin, would you?"


And then a day later they try suicide bombing Glasgow. Glasgow! I mean, if they're looking for seventy-two virgins, what the hell were they doing there?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Watching the news footage, I can only assume they were looking for a good kicking.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

And then a day later they try suicide bombing Glasgow. Glasgow! I mean, if they're looking for seventy-two virgins, what the hell were they doing there?

You missed something very important on Saturday night. At Retro the sound was off and no subtitles showing. So, when the Brown Prime Minister was calling people evil we only saw a picture of Gordon Brown with IMMINENT THREAT underneath.

It was.... amazing.

What I like about the Scottish reaction is how vehement they are it wasn't someone from Scotland. Now that's nationalism.

[(Anonymous)]

A screen capture of that would be amusing.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

I wish I'd caught it. It was on the ITV news and was utterly, utterly brilliant.

Some graphics guy was really enjoying himself that way.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

If your photoshop skills are up to it, you could do a picture of of a woman in a blue suit kicking Gordon Brown down a well.
She should be shouting "THIS...IS...THATCHAAA!"

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know about you, but I'd feel a bit more satisfied if it had been a proper super villain plan, with satellites & lasers. Maybe the odd giant squid & radioactive bee. No. We get some tossers with crap beards & even worse attitudes driving a shed into a regional airport and trying to get it to blow up with a few bottled of camping gaz.

Where's the drama? No frickin' ninjas, no rocket boots, not even a bastard autogyro. They deserved to fail. They didn't even have spiffy uniforms. I am outraged at the piss poor quality of international villainy we get these days. I think we deserve better.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The problem is that international villainy has suffered a drastic decline in quality since the 1960's.
In the 1960s we had:

and


And now all we have is:



I swear, it's a pretty pickle when you hanker after the good old days of lasers on the moon and killers with metal hands.

[(Anonymous)]

I blame Gordon Brown. His tax-&-waste policies have destroyed the British culture of entrepreneurial supervillainy and replaced it with small minded, petty, opportunist malevolence.

When everyone thinks they can be a supervillain, no one will be.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

What about:



LOOK AT THE EYEBROWS.

[(Anonymous)]

Perhaps if they were wiggling manically I'd be sold. However, I think the only thing for it is some sort of 'Supervillain Academy' - Hosted by Simon Cowell & Keith Chegwin, the contestants could perform an increasingly villainous series of challenges, the winner becoming President of Iran (Amadinnerjacket seems to be becoming increasingly unpopular)

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

On a side note, I had the most amazing conversation on the Internet the other day. So, I say Iran is run by lunatics, which is (I believe) fair comment.

I was then called a racist and intolerant and had it suggested to me that the President of Iran was not a crazy man, just deeply religious.

The Internet was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

(Also: contestants in this program would have to find something better to deny/debate than the slaughter of 2 million Jews. But what?)

[(Anonymous)]

Then again, it seems a number of them had been to proper evil medical school, so at least they were trying! (Although crap)

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

They went to Glasgow because I was on Emergency Response for my company this weekend and I publicly announced that if they dared to spoil my weekend I would hunt them down and beat them to death with a shovel. This was obviously too scary for them so they decided to go well away to Glasgow instead. We don't have buildings in Glasgow, so this was fine by me.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The implication here is that if someone if looking for virgins, they're best off going somewhere that you're not?

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

No, they're best of going somewhere where I don't have access to a shovel. The lack of virgins is just a coincidence. ;-)

[applez.livejournal.com]

Nice. :-)

Actually, I hope the sense of how pathetic this attempt was gets readily transmitted around the world.

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

I did read a wonderful quote from one of the US news websites, about 'revellers' out in the clubs when the cars were found being unfazed by the news that a car bomb had been found down the road. It's the most accurate description I've seen of the response from most people. :-)

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

Well, unfazed and laughing their heads off at the ineptitude.

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

Haha: http://www.johnsmeaton.com/

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

He's my new hero.

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

You can donate money to buy him a pint there!

In fact, we should start a website for the drunk at Tiger Tiger as well. If it wasn't for him, they wouldn't have spotted the car! Saved by binge drinking! Should be rewarded in kind, I think.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Saved by binge drinking

Given the apparent motivations of the bombers, there's a hefty dollop of irony in that.

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

Yup. And perhaps they were trying to kill 72 virgins at the Tiger Tiger Ladies' Night to take to heaven with them as well. Except it's Tiger Tiger. The only virgin you'll find in there is Virgin Mobile. And probably not 72 of them.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I've never been.
Is it any good?

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

If you find meat markets fun, then it's fantastic.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'd be in my element then

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

And thanks to Traffic Wardens and binge drinkers, you still have that joy ahead of you.

I bet they're loving the publicity.

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

You took the words right out of my mouth! ;-)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

As an aside:

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

hahaha! :-D

[vanderath.livejournal.com]

London transport regret to announce the cancellation of trains due to the wrong type of terrorist on the track...

[raggedyman.livejournal.com]

As found on B3ta (http://b3ta.com/)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Great minds thinking likewise - I saw that about an hour after I posted.

[astartesyriaca.livejournal.com]

This is HYSTERICAL! Do you mind if I repost this will full credit?

I was traipsing about Loch Ness when everything went down. Nessie is most unhappy.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Of course I don't mind! People pimping me is one of my favourite things.

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

Not being a deeply religious sort of person I don't understand the significance of 72 Virgins. What are they suposed to do with them? Do they marry them? Can they marry in Paradise? Do they have to keep them as virgins? Are these male or female virgins? Are they human virgins? Do all fundamental Islamic terrorists do it because they are collecting virgins? Is it like collecting Panini Football Cards?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I refer you here: http://davywavy.livejournal.com/214196.html

[(Anonymous)]

Some Islamic scholars say the translation is suspect, and that the devout could actually expect to be handed 72 grapes upon reaching paradise. This isn't so much good for inspiring acts of nihilistic idiocy, so gets played down by the fundie nutjobs.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Which would make sense in the context of them being compared to coral and rubies - i.e. white and red grapes.

[(Anonymous)]

Indeed. Try geting even the most hardline wackjob to blow himself up for a bag of grapes though. Much easier to promise him hot babes.

Why would a bunch of quacks feel the need to blow people up for hot chicks though? With unlimited access to rohypnol and compliant nurses like what I have no doubt they have it would be a bit like coals to Newcastle.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

http://ko.offroadpakistan.com/religion/2004_08/quran_may_promise_grapes_not_virgins.html

[(Anonymous)]

You know, as long as the Scots are happy to smack evil murdering terrorist bastards in the gob for us at the drop of a hat, I'm perfectly happy with the Barnet formula. Long live The Union. A Scotsman in every port of entry, replete with a pickhandle, should be the policy of any sane, progressive government.