It's coming...

[davywavy]

It'll soon be Valentines day. Valentines is the most fraught of festivals as people have such widely varying reactions to it. Some couples consider swearing undying love whilst sipping champagne in a heart-shaped hot air balloon to be the very height of sophisticated romance, whilst others (like me) are moved to bloody wrath at the merest sight of a card with a pastel-drawn teddybear on it.
This makes life difficult comparted to other fesitvals such as christmas. At Christmas, If you like someone you buy them a present you think they'll like. If you despise someone, you get them something like a potato peeler or a free pen you picked up at a trade show in order to demonstrate your contempt. For Valentines you have to make a value judgement not only on what sort of present someone will like, but also based on how much they like or dislike the very idea of the holiday. It's a minefield.

Some people like mawkish sentiment and will appreciate grand romantic gestures or crying teddybears. Others don't, and won't thank you for it. A good rule of thumb when you aren't sure what to do is to make sure the gift is funny for both of you. Nobody ever complained that they were made to laugh*.
Failing that, you can always try for the perfect present - the one which is appallingly mawkish and will bring the most public embarrassment to the recipient but you can claim is meant as heartfelt romance. Off the top of my head, probably the worst someone could do to me would be to arrange for a gigantic cake to be delivered to my office. A midget dressed as cupid then pops out of it to sing in a falsetto voice a love ode specially composed for the occasion. Something like:

My love
Like a flying dove
In the sky above
Is my love.

It could probably get worse than that. Your thoughts?


^{*Except me when I laughed so hard my surgical stitches came open and I had to go back to hospital to be sewn up and pumped full of antibiotics.}

Comments

[vampyrefate.livejournal.com]

My girlie really isn't into valentines, so we tend to just buy eachother a card, but otherwise let it slip us by. It has been known that we've gone out for a 'not-valentines-meal' the week before or after.

My birthday is the week before so I know which one I look forward to the most!

[(Anonymous)]

Booze. I really hate that. People who dislike me intensely should give me booze, it never fails to make me really peeved.

[(Anonymous)]

Synthetic, manufactured romance, arranged solely to boost the profits of Hallmark et al.

Ain't love grand?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's what romance is all about.

[(Anonymous)]

You'll still get her a card tho' won't you?

D

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Being single, and a bastard, I thought about booking a table-for-two at every resturant in town and then flogging the booking off to desperate attached late-people.

JmC
And possibly using one to take a girl out

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Stick your bookings on eBay. I reckon it's worth a go, actually, you shrewd businessman you.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if I'm enough of a bastard to do it! Damn my remnants of morals!

JmC
Might do a poll

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

So when you say that's the worst thing, do you really mean it or are you hoping an arsehole on your flist will take you up on it, as it's secretly what you really want?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

If someone on my f-list is fool enough to hire a falsetto midget to serenade me, it's their money...

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

I would rather have a (female) stripper leap out of huge cakes than a midget...

(and far more traditional)

[cryx]

I know what I'm doing when I make my millions! You should look forward to valentines that year ;)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

But from you it will mean so much more!

[elbly.livejournal.com]

Valentine's Day sucks donkey dick imnho.

I have a long standing partner, I know he loves me cos the daft bastard is marrying me this year, so why the f*** do I need a card or present on THAT specific day? I don't!

Of course if he doesn't EVER buy me presents then there would be trouble, but I prefer them to be a complete surprise than turning up on the day that Hallmark or Clintons say they should.