And my black and white cat too...

[davywavy]

I usually delete mails offering me huge sums of money in return for brief access to my bank details and PIN number, but the other day I got this one and something about it really touched my heart.

Please help us
Hello Friend,
My name is Mrs. Holly Payne, I am from South Wales in United Kingdom. I am sorry to contact you by this means but I and my family are facing difficult time in claiming our late father's deposited funds in a security company in Holland. We need your help to assist us as a beneficiary to claim the funds. We are willing to reward you with Seven Million Dollars from the total funds of Twenty Million Dollars. I will like to tell you more about the whole process, please reply me back at xxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.de , as soon as I get your response I shall give you the whole details. Peace be unto you and your family.

I mean - the poor woman. She lives in South Wales. Surely that is enough to excite sympathy in even the most cynical of people. Moreover, she is plainly mentally confused - She lives in Wales (currency = pound), has money in a Dutch bank account (currency = Euro) and is offering US Dollars if I mail her on a German email address. Surely there's nothing to be suspicious about in that sort of behaviour? How could I not reply?
Thanks to the miracle of anonymous hotmail accounts and internet cafes it's possible to contact people pretty much untracably these days and so I thought...what have I got to lose?
Obvoiusly, the internet is full of charlatans and shysters and it pays to take care so I decided to adopt a false persona myself - I hope they won't notice my inspiration.

Dear Ms. Payne
I received your note and your plight touched me. I can understand the difficulty in transferring goods from one country to another as I work for the postal service - Mrs. Goggins and I run the Post Office here in Greendale and you wouldn't believe the difficulties that we sometimes have getting the mail through! I sometimes wonder if my black & white cat is the only thing between us and disaster!
In transferring your money, you should consider getting a MoneyGram transfer form from your local post office - I can certainly advise you on how to do so.

Yours,

Pat Clifton

I'll let you know if I get a reply.

Comments

[kittensandsteam.livejournal.com]

That just made me laugh :)

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

*giggle*
do keep us up to date

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Hot damn, is that mail from you?

[ukmonty.livejournal.com]

I knew you wanted to work for the public sector really

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Yes, I get great pleasure from wasting people's time with fruitless and meaningless paperwork and endless queuing. It makes the petty functionary in me glow with a tingling in my private parts.
Gosh, with a job description like that I could get a job with TFL...

You about anytime soon?

[ukmonty.livejournal.com]

sorry, I would have got back to you sooner but I had to finish by statutory caviar and exspensive beverage break.

Am free next week

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I thought that a remarkably short break compared to the aeons I normally expect to wait when dealing with the public sector.

Drop me a line.

Diabolical!

[applez.livejournal.com]

I love it! ;-)

[elbly.livejournal.com]

I can't believe I read that and the only thing that hit me was "Was Postman Pat's surname really Clifton? When did that little titbit of info come out?"

I do look forward to the response though.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I only know it because I've been stalking the Greendale Postal Services for years. I also have several items of Mrs. Goggins' underwear which I stole from her washing line.

[inskauldrak.livejournal.com]

Thank you, that just gave me a warm glow on a cold evening : )

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Heavens, haven't seen you in these here parts lately, stranger.

[neuraltrash.livejournal.com]

I always feel like replying and saying "Fine, send me a cheque and I'll be more than happy to cash it"

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

Yes I have to take exception to your slur on south wales. Having lived most of my life on the edge of the known universe, I can assure you Cardiff is a cultural haven. I am comparing it to Pembrokeshire I admit...