Make 'em laugh
Mar. 5th, 2008 10:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyI've mentioned before some of my problems with Phillip Pullmans writing, but another struck me the other night - the utter lack of jokes in his books. Tolkein has jokes. Harry Potter has jokes. Alex Ryder, CS lewis and Enid Blyton all have jokes - they're part and parcel of childrens lit. But Pullman just takes himself waaay too seriously, and that's a characteristic guaranteed to wind me up...
Scene: A third-floor office in a redbrick Victorian mansion block on (say) Irving Street, off the Charing Cross Road. Arched upon the windows is the painted legend, "Morris Fishstein, Publishing Agent." Within, we discover Fishstein himself, facing Philip Pullman across his desk. Fishstein is a short, forthright man, with a loud but handmade suit and a large but inexpensive cigar. Pullman is nervously twisting his cap.
FISHSTEIN: Okay. The good news first. I liked your book, Pullman. I have to say I liked it a lot. It's got a lot going for it. Action, thrills, variety. It's got kids, it's got witches, it's got magic. Tears and joy. Triumph and disaster - you know that poem? And my kid liked it too. (He pulls forward a bespectacled ten-year-old). This is my kid Orville. He read your book, and I have to say he liked it. And the way I see it, if Orville likes a book, then every kid oughta like it. No question. And those little daemon things - terrific idea. Kind of reminded me of those cute talking animals in Narnia. Every kid'll want one. I gotta hand it to you, Pullman, that's a merchandiser's dream.
PULLMAN: I -
ORVILLE: The bears were cute too.
FISHSTEIN: Oh, sure, the bears were kinda cute. But, you know, Pullman, the more I look at this book of yours, the more I say to myself, there is one thing missing from this book. One thing that is going to make it pure, literary gold. One thing that is going to put you up right there with C.S. Lewis and J.R. Tolkien. And do you know what that one thing is?
PULLMAN: I -
FISHSTEIN: I'll tell you what you need. What you need is gags! Gags! And plenty of 'em! A zinger on every page! Kids want to laugh. The Harry Potter books, you got those twins. Fred and the other one. Kids love 'em! My kid loves 'em. Don't you, Orville? And did you ever read "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader"? There's this kid at the start, Eustace, keeps a diary. Terrific stuff. You oughta take a look at it.
PULLMAN: I -
FISHSTEIN: Because, when all's said and done, the thing is to ...
An orchestra has begun to play off-camera.
FISHSTEIN (sings): Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
My dad said, "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky-tonk monkeyshines."
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothing to eat
Just slip on a banana peel, the world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh!
He performs the entire song-and-dance number from "Singin' in the Rain", culminating (despite the fact that Fishstein has the approximate physique of Bob Hoskins in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"), with his running up the office wall and turning a complete somersault in mid-air.
I've never met a publishing agent and therefore have no idea whether this represents an accurate picture of a typical meeting with one. But I maintain that Pullman's books, and "The Amber Spyglass" in particular, would have been much better if it did.
Scene: A third-floor office in a redbrick Victorian mansion block on (say) Irving Street, off the Charing Cross Road. Arched upon the windows is the painted legend, "Morris Fishstein, Publishing Agent." Within, we discover Fishstein himself, facing Philip Pullman across his desk. Fishstein is a short, forthright man, with a loud but handmade suit and a large but inexpensive cigar. Pullman is nervously twisting his cap.
FISHSTEIN: Okay. The good news first. I liked your book, Pullman. I have to say I liked it a lot. It's got a lot going for it. Action, thrills, variety. It's got kids, it's got witches, it's got magic. Tears and joy. Triumph and disaster - you know that poem? And my kid liked it too. (He pulls forward a bespectacled ten-year-old). This is my kid Orville. He read your book, and I have to say he liked it. And the way I see it, if Orville likes a book, then every kid oughta like it. No question. And those little daemon things - terrific idea. Kind of reminded me of those cute talking animals in Narnia. Every kid'll want one. I gotta hand it to you, Pullman, that's a merchandiser's dream.
PULLMAN: I -
ORVILLE: The bears were cute too.
FISHSTEIN: Oh, sure, the bears were kinda cute. But, you know, Pullman, the more I look at this book of yours, the more I say to myself, there is one thing missing from this book. One thing that is going to make it pure, literary gold. One thing that is going to put you up right there with C.S. Lewis and J.R. Tolkien. And do you know what that one thing is?
PULLMAN: I -
FISHSTEIN: I'll tell you what you need. What you need is gags! Gags! And plenty of 'em! A zinger on every page! Kids want to laugh. The Harry Potter books, you got those twins. Fred and the other one. Kids love 'em! My kid loves 'em. Don't you, Orville? And did you ever read "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader"? There's this kid at the start, Eustace, keeps a diary. Terrific stuff. You oughta take a look at it.
PULLMAN: I -
FISHSTEIN: Because, when all's said and done, the thing is to ...
An orchestra has begun to play off-camera.
FISHSTEIN (sings): Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
My dad said, "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky-tonk monkeyshines."
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothing to eat
Just slip on a banana peel, the world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh!
He performs the entire song-and-dance number from "Singin' in the Rain", culminating (despite the fact that Fishstein has the approximate physique of Bob Hoskins in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"), with his running up the office wall and turning a complete somersault in mid-air.
I've never met a publishing agent and therefore have no idea whether this represents an accurate picture of a typical meeting with one. But I maintain that Pullman's books, and "The Amber Spyglass" in particular, would have been much better if it did.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 10:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 10:44 am (UTC)But thank you.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 11:19 am (UTC)Ahem.
Happy Birthday!
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 12:01 pm (UTC)Has all your hair fallen out, or do you still have a few strands left?
(says Sally, cheerfully nuking her friendships, one birthday at a time)
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 12:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 12:12 pm (UTC)[From 'Shopping With Jesus' to eatin' birthday cake with him... :-)]
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 02:06 pm (UTC)happy birthday to you too!
no subject
Date: 2008-03-07 10:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 03:56 pm (UTC)I see someone already has gotten you polonium...
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 04:01 pm (UTC)So, what about Duchamps?
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 04:21 pm (UTC)I knew it! Does this make me bi? :oP
Scheduling conflicts at the mo!
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 04:31 pm (UTC)Scheduling schmeduling!
no subject
Date: 2008-03-05 10:27 pm (UTC)And I'm so glad someone agrees with me about Phillip Pulman.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-06 06:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-08 01:11 pm (UTC)