NaNoWriMo

[davywavy]

A lot of people on my friends list have got into this write a novel in a month idea, and part of me thinks I should have a go as well. It's not somehting I've really looked into before mainly because unlike most people I don't think I've got a novel inside me (I couldn't eat a whole one), but looking at some of the books on the shelves at WHSmith the other day perhaps that doesn't actually matter.

Writers are often told: Write what you know. Good advice, so the first thing I need to do is consider the question What do I know?.

1) Cheap jokes.
Mostly revolving around peoples bottoms. Falling over on them, perhaps, or needing some embarrassing object surgically removing from them. I find this hilarious every time.
Also, poems beginning with lines like There once was a girl from Nantucket.

2) Gaming
Raymond E. Feist's Magician made it onto the top 100 books of the 20th century list compiled by The Times, and it's pretty common knowledge that he based it on his and his friends D&D campaign, so this writing malarkey ought to be pretty easy based on that.
Then again, as anyone who has read his sequels, Silverthorn and A Darkness at Sethanon will know, maybe not. Given that Feist is widely regarded as one of the best fantasy authors, this also means that a lot of stuff on the market is of the quality of The Odyssey of Gilthanas, which is comedically awful.
However, I've been gaming for simply ages and I see no reason why that shouldn't translate into big literary bucks.

3) Being a dynamic entrepreneur
If there's one thing guarnteed to get the blood pounding, it's a gripping tale of ruthless businessfolk, like in Dallas, or Dynasty, or Cane and Abel. Therefore my own experiences of tallying up the balance sheets for Q3 and reconciling the expenses to the bank statements should be a huge, huge hit if presented in the right way.

With all that fascinating experience, writing what I know should be a piece of cake!

The Year-End-Figures of the Brantar Dragons, by David.

Grzzthorg the Orc Barbarian settled back into his executive swivel chair and tried the concentrate on the latest sales figures from R&D. He shifted uncomfortably and made a mental note to get a plumper cushion - he still hadn't recovered from having the Wand of Orcus surgically removed from his colon and sitting was difficult. But, he mused, it was better than standing or walking.
He quickly totted up the figures and compared them to the Q2 returns from marketing and pillaging. If this is correct, he said to himself, we can stage a hostile takeover bid for the Lost Mines of Kragarthanax by leveraging their equity against debt ratio. I hope the dwarves who live there don't have very good saving throws.

Booker Prize ahoy, methinks.

Comments

You are Tom Holt and I claim my £5

[(Anonymous)]

Four/five stars from SFX methinks

H

Re: You are Tom Holt and I claim my £5

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Actually, that does read like Tom Holt doesn't it? How worrying.

[blue-cat.livejournal.com]

That would be quite amusing actually ~ there is the standing joke of D&D characters meeting up to play Accountants and Architecture (or something like that)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

There was that cartoon in the 1st edition DMG wasn't there?
Terrifyingly, as my sister points out, Tom Holt writes appallingly unfunny books which read very much like the above so I think that the market is already taken :(

[song-of-copper.livejournal.com]

This is one of several reasons why I have always ignored that old saw about 'only writing what you know'...

I think you should write a self-help book. Get the chummy-yet-authoritative tone just right and you can enjoy the curiously enjoyable sensation of knowing that you are making lots of people... do stuff.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The only 'stuff' I'm really interested in is getting people to do is hand over their hard-earned.

That said, self-help is money for old rope.

[song-of-copper.livejournal.com]

Exactly! :-)

Just string together some sort of weird detox diet or meditation regime, make sure to use phrases like 'spiritual wellness' and 'colonic flora' (ooh, now there you go - that ticks the box marked 'arse related mischief'!) and you'll be raking in the cash before you know it.

[(Anonymous)]

The only 'stuff' I'm really interested in is getting people to do is hand over their hard-earned.

Then you should write a self-help book. Their purpose is not to help people, but to line the authors' pockets by keeping the readership dependent on them. (http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1857883810/)

[janewilliams20.livejournal.com]

Judging from the shelves in Waterstones, your first option may be the best-selling. There were an awful lot of books there that claimed to be funny. Almost any post in your LJ is, on average, more amusing.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Almost? Almost?? By George, that's fighting talk!

[belak-krin.livejournal.com]

I would have thought a 20's style ripping yarn about a couple of Setites trying to set up their own business (with many a bottom-based misadventure) would sell rather well in some circles.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

"I say, Jeeves, who was that fellow you were talking to earlier?"
"Well, sir, he claimed to be a member of an immortal death-cult and suggested a sure-fire each-way bet on the 3:30 at Chepstow?"
"Did he, by Jove. Well, don't hold out! I'll bet my shirt on that!"

[ddraiggwyrdd.livejournal.com]

Of course you've got a novel in you. Its in the middle of your tummy. Everyones got one. Unless you're Adam.
Now, if you want to write a navel,never write about what you know, thats the easy way to get sued.Threaten the expose and take the cash in a brown envelope.
If you were to write something I'd be interested in the exploits of a golden haired angelic lad from Yorkshire who wanted to be a Goth.

[glummdead.livejournal.com]

I don't know that I would agree with the statement that Feist is one of the best fantasy writers, he's certainly readable and definitely has numbers behind him.

Judging from the small sampling of your LJ posts (I followed Gnommi down the rabbit hole) you write very well and have a way of looking at things which highlights the absurd and humourous.

I'm with you on Tom Holt, although I don't think sf/fantasy have much of a chance of winning the Booker.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I certainly don't think feist is an A- grade writer. he's very popular though - kinda like the Dan Brown of heroic fantasy.