Run as fast as you can.

[davywavy]

About six months ago, The Guardian ran a series of booklets called "The official British Army fitness programme", which detailed an exercise regime based upon army training. I picked up a copy because I'm always interested in that sort of thing, and one thing which caught my eye was the section on running.
As a form of exercise, I've never been a fan of running. It's painful, repetitive and darned boring and I just plain don't enjoy it, but it was with interest that I looked at one test of fitness based on how fast you can run a mile and a half. A mile and a half?, I thought. That doesn't sound far. That's just once round the park. How hard can that be? and with that in mind, I gave it a go.
Cue what seemed an eternity of panting and wheezing as I hauled my huge, pasty behind round the running track in Battersea Park. I lumbered. I tottered. I staggered. I was overtaken and lapped by graceful, gazelle-like athletes. After an age I finished and checked my time against the chart in the booklet. The times were divided into four categories: excellent, good, average, and poor. My time wasn't even listed. I looked to see what this meant.
You worthless, disgusting vermin! Said the booklet. You honking great chubster! There's only two sorts of soldier come from Yorkshire, David, and that's steers and queers, and I don't even need to ask which you are! By God, when you took your shirt off, I hadn't seen that much white since last time it snowed! Now get down and give me fifty!.
Well, I was slightly nonplussed that they knew my name and I didn't feel that the advice given was as constructive as it might be, but nevertheless I persevered. I started to run. Not obsessively, because I still hate it, but at least I did it.

Finally, after months of painful waddling, I checked my time again. Delightfully, I have managed to raise my standard to 'poor'. I'm so pleased.

Comments

[lexx-uk.livejournal.com]

Try a BFT

1.5 miles as a group in 15 minutes

then 1.5 miles individual in a max of 10.5minutes.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

BFT?
Is that like the BMF people?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I just did.

[(Anonymous)]

But chap, doesn't running make your thighs chafe?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

No, they're firm and muscular, as if carved from fine teak.

[(Anonymous)]

I think you should spend a little less time studying those 'Tom of Finland' anatomical sketches. You'll go blind.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I defer to your superior experience.

[(Anonymous)]

If they were carved from fine teak, it would explain the crap lap times.

[raggedyman.livejournal.com]

Dave, don't take it too much to heart. In many people's eyes your standard has always been 'poor'

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Yes, but only in the eyes of people who don't matter, so that's all right.

Poor for whom?

[(Anonymous)]

Is that poor for a paratrooper or poor for a member of the Rather Large Corps?

Re: Poor for whom?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

'Poor' for a squaddie.

I was hoping after a few weeks of doing these exervcises I'd be able to run for miles and kill a member of the taliban with my teeth, but it seems it's rather harder than that.

[rssefuirosu.livejournal.com]

Yup. The RAF fitness programme (which I am currently too ill to continue with) does the same sort of thing. It's been quite good at getting my fitness up, I'm very annoyed I've not been able to push it further forward.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

What are you ill with?

[aiwendel.livejournal.com]

excellent *grin*
:)

[neuraltrash.livejournal.com]

Aha! I KNEW you were a secret Guardian reader!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

God, you don't post for months and then you pounce...

They were passed to me by the she-David, who is a raving pinko. I don't read that scurrilous rag!

[morgan303.livejournal.com]

Running is weird. I can run for miles on one of those treadmill things in the gym, but put me on an actual path in the Real World and I'm a panting mess after a couple of minutes. I'm convinced that it's a combination of uneven terrain being harder to run on, added to the fact that I'm a video game geek who likes watching the little numbers on the machine go up until I level up - enough to break through the pain barrier.

I'm pretty sure those booklets only exist as some sort of propaganda to boost the Army's reputation, anyway. I know people in the army, and they smoke and drink and can't run worth two bob. I'm very suspicious.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Bear in mind also that treadmills are doing a lot of the work for you; the moving bit provides a lot of the energy that you would otherwise be using to propel yourself forward. I occasionally toment myself by running up things like this: http://davywavy.livejournal.com/314362.html

Now now...

[applez.livejournal.com]

The British Army didn't do much running about at Rourke's Drift or Passchendaele. You'd have been a fine soldier 100 years+ ago. ;-)

Re: Now now...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

British Tommy only runs when he's charging.

Re: Now now...

[applez.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, but that was on light horse into Russian cannon, now wasn't it? ;-p

Re: Now now...

[(Anonymous)]

And to the pub.

Re: Now now...

[(Anonymous)]

Just because I am feeling mischievous:

The 6th, 44th, 46th & 47th Foot ran at Prestonpans.
The 1st, 3rd, 8th, 13th, 27th, 34th, 36th, 37th and 62nd ran at Falkirk.
The 44th & 48th ran at Monongahela.
The 3rd, 48th and 66th ran at Albuera.
The 33rd (ooo West Riding), 69th & 73rd ran at Quatre Bas.
The 62nd ran at Ferozeshah.
The 58th, the Gordons and the 60th Rifles ran at Majuba Hill.

D

[ddraiggwyrdd.livejournal.com]

Surely if you're determined to be a masochist there are far more enjoyable ways - and less public.
Though the sight of you as a 6' match would be amusing.