How to pick up girls
Aug. 20th, 2009 09:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyWriting about 'The Mystery Method' and becoming a Pick Up Artist (PUA) the other day, it really struck me just how American it is; brash, and based on asumptions of gender relationships which I don't think are necessarily true in this country. It also struck me that there are loads of British men who might be willing to cough up for a helping hand in meeting the ladies.
It was at about this point that my eyes span round and round to be replaced with pound signs like what happens in cartoons and I decided to put the benefit of my experience in such things to good use and create The Day-V Method.
What is the Day-V Method?
The Day-V Method will teach you to become a Chatup Artist and Deflowerer, or CAD.
What does it do?
A CAD will learn the secrets of talking to and 'picking up' the most beautiful girl in the room, wherever he is.
How do I identify the most beautiful girl in the room?
Simply drink six or eight large glasses of scotch and look around. You'll be surprised how quickly you see her.
Will I have to change my name?
Yes. The dynamic, modern woman does not have time to learn an old-fashioned Christian name and Surname, so you will need a single-word moniker like Jay-Z, Mystery, or Dubya.
If you insist in retaining two names, try to keep it short and easily remembered like the great lovers of history such as Don Juan and Marc Torley.
The Mystery Method uses 'negatives' or 'negging'. Does the Day-V Method do so also?
Yes. 'Negging' is the technique of getting a girl to work harder for your attention and approval by indicating that you may not be that interested in her. Successful CAD 'negs' include: Not turning up at the church, not telling her where you live, and not giving your real name.
Should I buy girls drinks to chat them up?
No, a CAD never buys the drinks. Use our patented Wallet In My Other Jackettm technique in this situation.
What other techniques can I use?
Girls are attracted to an air of mystery and danger, so being pursued by a cuckolded husband and angry lover or two can work to your advantage. If your wooing is interrupted by a furious man who you recommended put his shirt on a sure thing in the 3:30 at Chepstow earlier that day, so much the better.
Girls like a man with the body beautiful. Should I work out?
Yes. Not only is a brawny physique useful when confronted by an angry husband, but you have to be pretty fit to climb down a hotel drainpipe or do the hundred yard dash with your trousers at half mast.
This sounds great! How do I sign up?
For your introductory pack, just send us a cheque for £100 made out to Chatup Artistry and Sexual Help, or "CASH". To help us tailor a programme for you, please complete the following form:
Name:
Address:
Do you already have a girlfriend?
Do you live together?
If so, is she in during the day whilst you're out at work?
Does she prefer flowers or chocolates?
It was at about this point that my eyes span round and round to be replaced with pound signs like what happens in cartoons and I decided to put the benefit of my experience in such things to good use and create The Day-V Method.
What is the Day-V Method?
The Day-V Method will teach you to become a Chatup Artist and Deflowerer, or CAD.
What does it do?
A CAD will learn the secrets of talking to and 'picking up' the most beautiful girl in the room, wherever he is.
How do I identify the most beautiful girl in the room?
Simply drink six or eight large glasses of scotch and look around. You'll be surprised how quickly you see her.
Will I have to change my name?
Yes. The dynamic, modern woman does not have time to learn an old-fashioned Christian name and Surname, so you will need a single-word moniker like Jay-Z, Mystery, or Dubya.
If you insist in retaining two names, try to keep it short and easily remembered like the great lovers of history such as Don Juan and Marc Torley.
The Mystery Method uses 'negatives' or 'negging'. Does the Day-V Method do so also?
Yes. 'Negging' is the technique of getting a girl to work harder for your attention and approval by indicating that you may not be that interested in her. Successful CAD 'negs' include: Not turning up at the church, not telling her where you live, and not giving your real name.
Should I buy girls drinks to chat them up?
No, a CAD never buys the drinks. Use our patented Wallet In My Other Jackettm technique in this situation.
What other techniques can I use?
Girls are attracted to an air of mystery and danger, so being pursued by a cuckolded husband and angry lover or two can work to your advantage. If your wooing is interrupted by a furious man who you recommended put his shirt on a sure thing in the 3:30 at Chepstow earlier that day, so much the better.
Girls like a man with the body beautiful. Should I work out?
Yes. Not only is a brawny physique useful when confronted by an angry husband, but you have to be pretty fit to climb down a hotel drainpipe or do the hundred yard dash with your trousers at half mast.
This sounds great! How do I sign up?
For your introductory pack, just send us a cheque for £100 made out to Chatup Artistry and Sexual Help, or "CASH". To help us tailor a programme for you, please complete the following form:
Name:
Address:
Do you already have a girlfriend?
Do you live together?
If so, is she in during the day whilst you're out at work?
Does she prefer flowers or chocolates?
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 08:41 am (UTC)And then Dr I fell off my chair laughing ...
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Date: 2009-08-20 08:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 01:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 01:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 01:38 pm (UTC)I actually have tears in my eyes as I type this, largely due to actually trying to laugh out loud very quietly to avoid waking my husband. Of course, when he does wake I shall have to share it with him.
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Date: 2009-08-20 01:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 02:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 06:03 pm (UTC)What a splendid idea!
Date: 2009-08-20 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-20 09:55 pm (UTC)*splurts his drink everywhere*
Git!
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Date: 2009-08-21 09:02 am (UTC)Making utterly sure of course that the "Z" is pronounced Zee and not Zed, otherwise total loss of cred...
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Date: 2009-08-24 03:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-28 01:07 pm (UTC)This guy is a serious role-model.