He's the greatest secret agent in the world.

[davywavy]

In an idle moment this morning, I did the little pre-selection flash game on the MI6 Website. It's a bit of fun just to show that you can learn a cover story and deal with nefarious foreigners trying to undermine it whilst you nick their secrets. All it involves is having a short period to memorise your cover identity and then being asked questions on it, which is a doddle because it's just like memorising a character sheet and then running with it.

Anyway, I got maximum points on the test, which made me think perhaps I should quit this entrepreneuring and apply to become a spy. Why, this time next week I could be making out with beautiful but deadly Russian agents or fighting a man with metal hands on a rickety gantry over a volcano! It'd be ace.

What do you reckon? Does anyone else want to play spies?

Comments

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

That is remarkable straightforward though...
...who would have thought roleplay would be good training for espionage!?

Oh, wait, all of us ;)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah, Mr. Rik.


I've been expecting you.

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

Well of course you have W. Mind if I mix myself a scotch whilst we..chat?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You have been like a wasp for some time, Mr. Rik. Buzzing about, disrupting my plans.

Now, it is time for me to swat that wasp. Ah ha. Ah ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha haaa!

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

That's a rum deal Dr W, we both know that I would never be able to match your genius. Still, now that its too late why not fill me in - so as it ends I can appreciate your inspiration? Hmm?

~sips~

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

My plan, Mr. Rik, is elegant in it's simplicity.

After the collapse of the Soviet Union certain rockets came into my possession. Vostok rockets, Mr. Rik, with nuclear tips. Stripping these rockets for parts, I engaged on a twofold scheme of diabolic proportions.
Firstly, I used the radioactive warheads to mutate the common bee.
Bees. Remarkable creatures, aren't they? Motivated only by an insatiable lust for honey and pollen.
I took these simple workhorses of nature and made them something more, something greater. The new species I called Gigantibee Daviensis; a collosal bee of such gargantuan proportions this world has never seen.
Of course, I needed somewhere to keep a hive of such beasts, and so began the second stage - forgive the rocketry pun, if you would - of my plan. Using the engines of the vostok missiles I built a rocket-powered car, with which I launched the television show Top Gear. In the intervening decade and a half, this show has become on of the most popular television programmes in the world and has made me a collossal fortune. I utilised this fortune for two things; firstly to build a huge hive in the middle of the city of London. You may know it as the Swiss re building, or Gherkin.
Secondly I used my technical genius to invent a spacesuit which would allow my bees to carry out their true mission.

Did you know, Mr Rik, that the bee is theoretically too heavy to fly? Logically, that would mean only one thing - that they could manouever in zero gravity. I would send my bees into space.

I see your jaw dropping at the audacity of my plan.

Have you ever seen a grain of pollen, Mr Rik? Magnified a million times? Well, it looks like a meteorite. Then again, a meteorite shrunk a million times looks like a grain of pollen. Whichever you prefer. My bees, in their enlarged, spacegoing state, have mistaken the asteroid belt for the juiciest flowerbed ever known to man or bee and as we speak are bringing what they see as space pollen - meteors - back to earth. in mere minutes London will be destroyed as they re-enter the atmosphere directly over your city.

Only I can stop this. Mr Rik. And to do so, I demand...one million pounds. One million pounds which your Gordon Brown has refused to pay as he claims I would not report it for capital gains tax.
And so, without further ado, goodbye.

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

Dr W truly I am impressed - never had the depth of your plans occurred to me... Bees eh? What I fear you may have forgotten doctor is one thing - that Bees communicate through pheromones, something which can be duplicated and, indeed, communicated.

Perhaps you have considered that within the vacuum of space these pheromones have nothing to stop their traffic - and that the international space station has a laboratory which has been doing work on these very things!

Even as we speak, doctor, your "Bees" are bringing home their pollen...directly to their hive, within the sun!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Damn you, Agent 007%abv! Damn you! I'm not beaten yet!

Minions! Release the techno-Kraken! Your puny government shall cower before me yet!

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

Techno-kraken?

Damn, the boffins in the lab didn't give me anything for that! Lets hope the boys in the Royal Navy still have some ships eh?!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The three rowing boats and a coracle which make up your 'Royal Navy' after a decade of Labour government cannot hope to stop me!

Why, they couldn't hope to stop the French these days, and that's saying something.

[raggedyman.livejournal.com]

go for it, plenty of money in the spying game at the moment

[supermouse.livejournal.com]

Are you tall? If so, you could still fail to get in. I think the cut off is 5'11" for men.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

My mighty physique precludes me from secret agenting? What flagrant nonsense! What if villainous Latvian spies have hidden their secrets on a high shelf, eh? How will the selection of midgets they hope to attract counter that cunning stratagem, eh?

[rssefuirosu.livejournal.com]

I shall investigate this when i get home. I'll bet you need a degree though.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I think a healthy liver is more important, if Casino Royale is anything to go by.

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

Just remember to avoid all men with rolled umbrellas on bridges and strangers bearing tea in hotel lobbies.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

That sounds like good dating advice.

[(Anonymous)]

>I could be making out with beautiful but deadly Russian agents or fighting a man with metal hands on a rickety gantry over a volcano!

Or living with a hamster in a postbox in Baker Street.

[(Anonymous)]

At least it would be an improvement over his hamster's current accommodation.