Phone call transcripts from Tiger Woods to caddy Steve Williams released.

[davywavy]

Tiger: Steve? Steve. It's Tiger. Listen, I've got trouble and I need advice.
Steve: Sure, Tiger, what's up? You sound stressed.
Tiger: It's Erin. She's gone crazy, man. She hit me with a sand wedge and broke my tooth!
Steve: Hit you? Why? Why'd she do that?
Tiger: I think she found out about all those other women.
Steve: Boy. How many were there?
Tiger: I dunno. Eighteen, maybe?
Steve: Eighteen? So you played a round, huh? Heh.
Tiger: No time for jokes, Steve. She's after me!
Steve: So what had you told her? Like, that time you got home late after sleeping with that porn star?
Tiger: I told her golf stuff. I said I'd got stuck in a tricky bit of rough.
Steve: And that prostitute?
Tiger: I said I was playing in a pro-am tournament.
Steve: And the cocktail waitress?
Tiger: I said I'd sunk a hole-in-one.
Steve: And the time with those girls you that you met in a nightclub?
Tiger: That I'd managed a couple of birdies. And played a mixed foursome.
Steve: So what's Erin said she's going to do?
Tiger: She said something about 'lost balls' and 'handicap'.
Steve: Okay, you're defending yourself against an enraged spouse on what is a difficult lie. I'd recommend a five iron.
Tiger: I'm in the back seat of my car! There are no clubs here!
Steve: You don't even have a driver?
Tiger: No!
Steve: You'll have to get in the front seat yourself, then.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Groan.

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

I think it went a little more like this:

[ddraiggwyrdd.livejournal.com]

Did you writted that you self?
Dam thats clever.
Which music hall are you currently appearing at?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Why, I'm mildly hurt that you think I think I post stuff other people write on here.
Should I retitle this page "All my own work"? :p

[ddraiggwyrdd.livejournal.com]

I just wondered if it was re-engineered to suit from any previous golfers going off course.
Of course I know you write all your own stuff because
A) You're a writing genius and
B) You're totally egocentric.

But I do like reading your stuff. I'm still waiting for the book - then the film - then the computer game...