Deal or no Deal.

[davywavy]

There was an interesting story doing the rounds of the Blogosphere yesterday, but which as yet doesn't seem to have been picked up by the mainstream press (but it will be). It's that, in a statement to the House of Lords, Lord Stratchclyde mentioned that he'd been approached by an international organisation - which he declined to name - who'd offered to give £5bn in gold to the treasury to help rebuild the British economy, with a further £17bn to come if things went well. This might sound odd - unlikely, perhaps - but to quote Hansard from the other day:

Foundation X is saying at this moment that it is prepared to put up the entire £5 billion for the funding of the three Is recreation; the British Government can have the entire independent management and control of it—foundation X does not want anything to do with it; there will be no interest charged; and, by the way, if the British Government would like it as well, if it will help, the foundation will be prepared to put up money for funding hospitals, schools, the building of Crossrail immediately with £17 billion transfer by Christmas, if requested, and all these other things. These things can be done, if wished, but a senior member of the Government has to accept the invitation to a phone call to the chairman of foundation X—and then we can get into business. This is too big an issue. I am just an ageing, obsessive old Peer and I am easily dispensable, but getting to the truth is not. We need to know what really is happening here. We must find out the truth of this situation.

For starters, I truly love the way that it's just being called "Foundation X", like something out of a Bond film. I can't help but imagining Blofeld squatting in his volcano saying "Five billion pounds, Mister Bond. What? No, that's not a ransom demand, I'm offering it to you, you moron."
However, my immediate reaction is that this has to be something of a hoax, simply because when anyone says to me "Can I give you some money, no strings attached", they struggle to get to the end of the sentence before I've said yes and signed whatever they've put in front of me, and I reckon government works in much the same way I do.

But then again, maybe it isn't a hoax. There's been a lot of speculation about who the mysterious Foundation X might be. The UN? The Vatican (HA!)? The Mafia? Who?
Well, it strikes me that, as usual, the question is who is out there with that sort of money who would have a solid interest in a recovering, stable, UK? And the immediate answer which suggests itself to me is: Russians and Arabs. The UK offers both these groups something they don't have at home - namely stable government and the rule of law. For Russians, London is somewhere nice and safe to put their money and live where Putin isn't going to be confiscating their wealth and imprisoning them, and the chance of dining on Polonium profiteroles is fairly low. For Arabs, London is a nice safe place to put their money and live like normal people whilst having a markedly lessened risk of being murdered by the sort of bearded nutters who clutter up their homelands. The most likely candidates to have a big pile of loot to ensure continued UK stability are a consortium of Russki Industrialists or a Middle-Eastern soveriegn wealth fund.

Or, failing that, a shadowy, supra-national organisation, possibly devoted to Counter-terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. That would be the coolest thing possible, and I'd take their hand off.

Comments

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

You missed out the best bit! He talks about his experience in hiding terrorist money for the IRA and other groups, and that this somehow qualifies him as the right person for this job. Erm....

For readers' benefit, it might be worth noting that the "three Is" means "Investment In Industry."

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

He also talks about the way his hiding the IRA money lost them a billion quid. Sounds like a sound fellow to me :)

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

And how you can't get the coppers in, because if you do then he'll get the Bank of England on his side. So there. *grin*

Weirdly, I have much the same view as you on this, although I'm not sure that there exists in the world a sum of £5bil without strings attached. Hence the need for a phone call with a senior cabinet minister, surely?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

£5bn is small potatoes for some people. The sovereign wealth fund of the UAE is worth something like half a trillion quid, so for them a few billion ensuring that our society and banking system remain stable is a good investment.

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

True enough, I guess.

I remember reading something relatively recently about how sovereign wealth funds were going to crush us all in our beds or something. I may be paraphrasing.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but if it was in the Guardian you can laugh and use it to light your bonfire tomorrow.

[(Anonymous)]

How I wish they'd print the Grauniad on softer paper.

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

Alas, 'twas not the Guardian (not least because, as previously stated, I don't actually read the Guardian).

[(Anonymous)]

Odd innit, how no-one admits to reading it, yet they sell literally dozens of copies a week.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

true, but you can't expect me not to take a an opportunity like that when it was so kindly proffered.

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely! But it seemed worth making clear for the benefit of your readership...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Such as it is, these days. I used to get 500 readers a day a few years back, now I'm down to about 200. LJ is a dying medium, it seems.

[sherbetsaucers.livejournal.com]

I think that happens if someone withdraws it all and then stacks it up next to your bed...

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

5bn in gold is a lot (1,000 tons?) of gold so S.P.E.C.T.R.E. sounds likely. ;oP

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

If Blofeld wants to pay us £22bn in gold to build his volcano base in this country, I'm fine with that.

[(Anonymous)]

Oddly, we have been invited to quote price and delivery for three divisions of Kung-Fu Laser Penguins, for delivery 2012 just this morning by the very same organisation.

Co-incidence? Maybe...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Frankly, it all adds up to the same thing: low-risk economic growth.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Yes, I don't consider it coincidental that this organisation waited until Barry Chuckle had been booted out of No. 10 before offering.

[(Anonymous)]

As they bought it from him for £30 I guess they just assumed he wouldn't want it.

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

I keep forgetting Americans and Britons use different billions.

[(Anonymous)]

The use of the US 1e9 billion is prevalent in banking, and I suspect this is what is meant. £5e12 would buy about half the country.

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

That's exactly the problem I have. Thankfully, I rarely need to translate texts with large numbers.
in German 10⁶ is Million
10⁹ is Milliarde
10¹² is Billion
so the difference is actually a factor of 1,000.

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

I'm a native long-scale user myself, so this makes intuitive sense to me. (Indeed, most of continental Europe seems to like the long scale for some reason or other.) But to add insult to injury, these days it seems British usage is fiendishly inconsistent about it.

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

To be honest, Britons mostly use the American billion as well.

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

It does seem more and more accepted, doesn't it? I've long since capitulated to the American terminology, I think, despite the inconvenience it can cause when translating large numbers into other languages.

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

If being right is using an unpopular standard that's three orders of magnitude out from everyone else, I'll accept the cost of wrongness, whatever that is.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Doesn't this sound like the world's largest 419 to you?

"Certainly sir, now if you just provide us the release funds of £10m we will see to it that the £5bn makes its way to you in due course"...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I did wonder if it involved Nigerians somewhere along the line.

[belak-krin.livejournal.com]

We just have to give them David Cameron's bank details and they'll wire it across...

[bringeroflight.livejournal.com]

There is, in fact, a well known group operating out of Thailand which try to do just that on governments, most recently Fiji. Some of the language he uses in Hansard sounds just like some of their promotional material.

[(Anonymous)]

I demand the link to Hansard before I accept that HMG is as credulous as the Wath 6th Form Common Room. I note that a Google search for "Hansard foundation x" gives you as the 10th most popular link (just below David Icke).

"These things can be done, if wished, but a senior member of the Government has to accept the invitation to a phone call to the chairman of foundation X—and then we can get into business"....HMMOG, why didn't we think of that hoax call when we were 17?

I don't believe you, and will cross examine you closely on your sources on Saturday.

D

(if it is true that this was truely said in Parliament I shall be expediting my application for French Citizenship)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The hansard reference is 1 Nov 2010 : Column 1538

Look for yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

But then you'd have to do military service, Duncan, and get beaten by the British.

H

[(Anonymous)]

Spanked, no less.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

First he wants to be Irish, and then French. It's like he never wants to win anything.