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davywavyNick Clegg today issued a drawn-out cry of horror and despair as it was revealed that Peter Mandelson had offered his support in the AV referendum on May the 5th. When asked for further clarification, the Deputy Prime Minister added a bellow like Chewbacca being tortured before falling to his knees in inconsolable fits of tears.
In an interview in the Independent Newspaper, former minister Lord Mandelson suggested that it was in the best interests of the British People to vote yes in the forthcoming referendum “if they knew what was good for them.” Using a long toasting fork forged of black iron and an as-yet unidentified metal as red as blood to illustrate his point, he went onto say that the introduction of the alternative voting system would mean Britain became a “fairer, more just, progressive and open society.”
On hearing this, Clegg is reported to have said “Oh, Jesus. We all know what that means. God have mercy on us all”, before sprinkling a perfect circle of salt around himself and quivering in the middle.
At time of writing Nick Clegg was unable to comment further as he was rocking backwards and forwards on his settee whilst obsessively scratching at his arms and muttering “Why? Why me? I never signed anything. I didn’t.”
When asked for a reaction, Prime Minister David Cameron said “Unless Margaret Thatcher announces she’ll return if the vote is a no, I reckon we’ve got this sewn up. And that won’t happen because I’ve locked the attic door and won’t be opening it until May the 6th no matter how bad the noises from inside get.”
In an interview in the Independent Newspaper, former minister Lord Mandelson suggested that it was in the best interests of the British People to vote yes in the forthcoming referendum “if they knew what was good for them.” Using a long toasting fork forged of black iron and an as-yet unidentified metal as red as blood to illustrate his point, he went onto say that the introduction of the alternative voting system would mean Britain became a “fairer, more just, progressive and open society.”
On hearing this, Clegg is reported to have said “Oh, Jesus. We all know what that means. God have mercy on us all”, before sprinkling a perfect circle of salt around himself and quivering in the middle.
At time of writing Nick Clegg was unable to comment further as he was rocking backwards and forwards on his settee whilst obsessively scratching at his arms and muttering “Why? Why me? I never signed anything. I didn’t.”
When asked for a reaction, Prime Minister David Cameron said “Unless Margaret Thatcher announces she’ll return if the vote is a no, I reckon we’ve got this sewn up. And that won’t happen because I’ve locked the attic door and won’t be opening it until May the 6th no matter how bad the noises from inside get.”
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Date: 2011-04-27 03:20 pm (UTC)H
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Date: 2011-04-27 03:24 pm (UTC)