davywavy | Jeremy Clarkson "to replace Paxman on Newsnight"

With the news that Jeremy Paxman is to retire from presenting the BBCs flagship current affairs show Newsnight later this year, Corporation bosses have recruited Jeremy Clarkson to take the job.

"We needed someone used to interviewing at the highest level, and who wasn't afraid to speak their mind", said a spokesman.

Bosses have already arranged an interview with Harriet Harman for Clarkson's first show, which they are confident will be the most-watched programme in the history or British television.
"And we've got loads more lined up, including a feature where we put Ed Balls in a caravan and blow it up, one where Michael Gove is interviewed about educational reform in a Morris Marina full of custard, and an election special show where cars painted in party colours have to get round our track fastest."

Jeremy Clarkson is reported to be looking forward to the show and has promised to reign in his trademark offensiveness "so long as I don't have to talk to any lefties, pinkoes, Mexicans, Asians, French people, Greens or feminists.

"I hope to interview Nigel Farage every week."

Clarkson's new job leaves a gap in the lineup of Top Gear. "The show will be continuing with a new face who will bring a different voice. We're confident George Galloway will fit right in.

"C'mon", said the spokesman "What could go wrong?"