David reviews "Order of the Phoenix"
Jul. 22nd, 2003 09:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyPersons of a sensitive disposition, those who are avoiding spoilers, and people who thought it was a good book may not wish to read this.
“H’excuse me, I wish to make a complaint. I bought this copy of “’arry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” from this ‘ere boutique not ‘alf an hour ago, and ‘aving perused it I discover that Sirius Black is dead!”
“No, no, sir. He’s not dead, he’s just resting.”
“Restin’! He’s fallen through the veil! ‘e’s bleedin’ dead!”
“He’s pining for Azkaban.”
“Pinin’ for Azkaban?! ‘e is an ex-animagus! ‘e ‘as ceased to be! Bereft of life, ‘e is no more!”
“But look at him sir. Sirius Black. Lovely motorbike.”
“The motorbike don’t come into it! ‘e’s snuffed it!, ‘e’s pushin up daisies! ‘e’s stuck ‘is little doggy feet in the air, or ‘e would if Bellatrix ‘ad’t blown ‘im off ‘em”
No, sir. He’s still a goer. Watch out for book six. He’ll muscle up to that veil and ‘Zwoooom!”
“Zwoom!? ‘e wouldn’t go Zwoom if you put a Crutiatius curse through ‘im!”
It is a mystery to me how anyone couldn’t see Siruis’ death coming from very early on, considering that effectively his contribution to the book was to show everyone a picture of his gal back home, talk about the bar he was going to open when his tour ended in two weeks, and then nip out to pop his red jersey on. However, the web appears full of fan-written reviews that not only seem surprised that Snuffles snuffed it, but also are convinced that he’ll come back to life in book six.
Well, he won’t. He’s dead, dead, dead, and apart from a cameo in book seven when his love for Harry will transcend death at the critical moment to help in Voldemorts defeat we won’t be seeing anything more of this particular supporting character. (£10 says a ghostly Black Dog pops up to save Harry’s life at some point.)
Personally, I was more concerned that Rowling might pull a fast one in the style of the previous books and bump off McGonagall (which would have shocked), who was far and away the most charismatic and interesting character in the whole thing – Rowling is patently channelling Maggie Smith when she writes her, and the character has blossomed from previous appearances when she was really little more than a cypher. However, the author skilfully avoided putting any twists into the book, and instead produced what was far and away her worst work to date. It is still an extremely competent children’s book, but a good editor could have stripped hundreds of pages of text and not lost a thing from the narrative. Opening with 300 pages describing how bored and left out of things Harry feels (achieved by making the story to this point very boring, and not telling the reader anything so we can really sympathise with the character), there is a dramatic pick up of pace when the secret Defence classes begin (one gets the feeling that Rowling really enjoyed writing this sequence) and Dumbledore is forced out. Umbridge’s unpleasant appearance comes as a delight and her battles with McGonagall and Fred & George are easily the highlights of the book.
Then the book rounds off with several hundred pages of running & SHOUTING which appear to be written with an eye for the screenplay, containing as they do more dramatic escapes than an episode of the Batman TV series, and more chases down corridors than an episode of Doctor Who. Finally, Deus ex Dumbledore pops up to save the day and inform Harry that the entire plot of the book wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t gone out of the house.
This, for me, was the compounding weakness of the book – a hero is supposed to have adventures in which they battle insurmountable odds to victory, and Order of the Phoenix reminded me strongly of Star Trek: Nemesis, in that the villain’s evil plan could have been foiled by the hero staying at home.
The whole thing, for what it was, was stretched far, far, beyond the limits of a slight narrative, and Rowling uses fifteen words at times when she could have used one to make her point (and would have done in her leaner, better earlier books). My point here is best made by the scene where Dumbledore has his sit-down chat with Harry at the end:
“I did not tell you this in the first year because of this reason. I did not tell you in the second year because of that reason. I did not tell you in the third year because of another reason. And in the fourth year, well, I had another reason still. I did not tell you in the last sentence because I’m being paid by the word. I shall not tell you in this sentence because I have a bet on I can make this book tip the scales at over a kilo. I might tell you next sentence, I might not…” By this stage one is screaming at the page “JUST GET ON WITH IT!” (Rowling gets Caps Lock jammed on several times in the book) and really starting to sympathise with Harry for the moment earlier in the book when he wanted to bump old Albus off.
There are so many other weaknesses within the narrative that it’s depressing to contemplate them all: Harry’s continued distrust of Snape in spite of everything Dumbledore has said (“For the last time,” thundered the Headmaster, belting Harry over the head with his wand to emphasise each word, “he’s On. Our. Fucking. Side. I’ve been telling you this for years, you obtuse little bastard!”) is simple obtuseness for purposes of plot development, ditto Harry’s surly refusal to tell people who have been prepared to lay down their lives for him that something is up.
Draco is inexcusably underused: to give a major supporting antagonist perhaps fifteen lines of dialogue and one poor song in a work of three-quarters of a million words in which not much else happens smacks of poor planning.
All in all, a book highly reminiscent of “The Phantom Menace”: an eagerly awaited cultural phenomenon that will be defended to the hilt by true believers, but for the rest of us simply a few great set-pieces surrounded by long periods of dull exposition and people talking in committees, and I’m still undecided as to whether the set-pieces made the rest worth sitting through.
I wanted to like this book, really I did. When I read “Goblet of Fire”, I was so enthralled that I sat up until 2:30 am finishing it and made myself late for work the next morning. I wanted that experience again. I wanted to lose myself, and it just wasn’t going to happen.
What book 6 needs is the following:
1) A twist or a surprise.
2) A villain doing something that the heroes must be proactive to prevent.
3) A decent editor, spellchecker and grammar check applying to it before publication
“H’excuse me, I wish to make a complaint. I bought this copy of “’arry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” from this ‘ere boutique not ‘alf an hour ago, and ‘aving perused it I discover that Sirius Black is dead!”
“No, no, sir. He’s not dead, he’s just resting.”
“Restin’! He’s fallen through the veil! ‘e’s bleedin’ dead!”
“He’s pining for Azkaban.”
“Pinin’ for Azkaban?! ‘e is an ex-animagus! ‘e ‘as ceased to be! Bereft of life, ‘e is no more!”
“But look at him sir. Sirius Black. Lovely motorbike.”
“The motorbike don’t come into it! ‘e’s snuffed it!, ‘e’s pushin up daisies! ‘e’s stuck ‘is little doggy feet in the air, or ‘e would if Bellatrix ‘ad’t blown ‘im off ‘em”
No, sir. He’s still a goer. Watch out for book six. He’ll muscle up to that veil and ‘Zwoooom!”
“Zwoom!? ‘e wouldn’t go Zwoom if you put a Crutiatius curse through ‘im!”
It is a mystery to me how anyone couldn’t see Siruis’ death coming from very early on, considering that effectively his contribution to the book was to show everyone a picture of his gal back home, talk about the bar he was going to open when his tour ended in two weeks, and then nip out to pop his red jersey on. However, the web appears full of fan-written reviews that not only seem surprised that Snuffles snuffed it, but also are convinced that he’ll come back to life in book six.
Well, he won’t. He’s dead, dead, dead, and apart from a cameo in book seven when his love for Harry will transcend death at the critical moment to help in Voldemorts defeat we won’t be seeing anything more of this particular supporting character. (£10 says a ghostly Black Dog pops up to save Harry’s life at some point.)
Personally, I was more concerned that Rowling might pull a fast one in the style of the previous books and bump off McGonagall (which would have shocked), who was far and away the most charismatic and interesting character in the whole thing – Rowling is patently channelling Maggie Smith when she writes her, and the character has blossomed from previous appearances when she was really little more than a cypher. However, the author skilfully avoided putting any twists into the book, and instead produced what was far and away her worst work to date. It is still an extremely competent children’s book, but a good editor could have stripped hundreds of pages of text and not lost a thing from the narrative. Opening with 300 pages describing how bored and left out of things Harry feels (achieved by making the story to this point very boring, and not telling the reader anything so we can really sympathise with the character), there is a dramatic pick up of pace when the secret Defence classes begin (one gets the feeling that Rowling really enjoyed writing this sequence) and Dumbledore is forced out. Umbridge’s unpleasant appearance comes as a delight and her battles with McGonagall and Fred & George are easily the highlights of the book.
Then the book rounds off with several hundred pages of running & SHOUTING which appear to be written with an eye for the screenplay, containing as they do more dramatic escapes than an episode of the Batman TV series, and more chases down corridors than an episode of Doctor Who. Finally, Deus ex Dumbledore pops up to save the day and inform Harry that the entire plot of the book wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t gone out of the house.
This, for me, was the compounding weakness of the book – a hero is supposed to have adventures in which they battle insurmountable odds to victory, and Order of the Phoenix reminded me strongly of Star Trek: Nemesis, in that the villain’s evil plan could have been foiled by the hero staying at home.
The whole thing, for what it was, was stretched far, far, beyond the limits of a slight narrative, and Rowling uses fifteen words at times when she could have used one to make her point (and would have done in her leaner, better earlier books). My point here is best made by the scene where Dumbledore has his sit-down chat with Harry at the end:
“I did not tell you this in the first year because of this reason. I did not tell you in the second year because of that reason. I did not tell you in the third year because of another reason. And in the fourth year, well, I had another reason still. I did not tell you in the last sentence because I’m being paid by the word. I shall not tell you in this sentence because I have a bet on I can make this book tip the scales at over a kilo. I might tell you next sentence, I might not…” By this stage one is screaming at the page “JUST GET ON WITH IT!” (Rowling gets Caps Lock jammed on several times in the book) and really starting to sympathise with Harry for the moment earlier in the book when he wanted to bump old Albus off.
There are so many other weaknesses within the narrative that it’s depressing to contemplate them all: Harry’s continued distrust of Snape in spite of everything Dumbledore has said (“For the last time,” thundered the Headmaster, belting Harry over the head with his wand to emphasise each word, “he’s On. Our. Fucking. Side. I’ve been telling you this for years, you obtuse little bastard!”) is simple obtuseness for purposes of plot development, ditto Harry’s surly refusal to tell people who have been prepared to lay down their lives for him that something is up.
Draco is inexcusably underused: to give a major supporting antagonist perhaps fifteen lines of dialogue and one poor song in a work of three-quarters of a million words in which not much else happens smacks of poor planning.
All in all, a book highly reminiscent of “The Phantom Menace”: an eagerly awaited cultural phenomenon that will be defended to the hilt by true believers, but for the rest of us simply a few great set-pieces surrounded by long periods of dull exposition and people talking in committees, and I’m still undecided as to whether the set-pieces made the rest worth sitting through.
I wanted to like this book, really I did. When I read “Goblet of Fire”, I was so enthralled that I sat up until 2:30 am finishing it and made myself late for work the next morning. I wanted that experience again. I wanted to lose myself, and it just wasn’t going to happen.
What book 6 needs is the following:
1) A twist or a surprise.
2) A villain doing something that the heroes must be proactive to prevent.
3) A decent editor, spellchecker and grammar check applying to it before publication
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 01:54 am (UTC)"Here you are Voldy, ol' school buddy, it don' tell you much. Jus' that Harry is yer nemesis (which you already knew) and that you messed up by trying to Avada his butt as a baby (which yer aleady knew)."
Not much of a secret weapon.