Davids invent-a-porn competition

[davywavy]

It was once said that there is nothing in this world that is so unusual or unpleasant that there isn't someone who finds a sexual thrill from it. As the internet contains pretty much everything ever invented by humanity, just googling random phrases to see what comes up is often an interesting way to spend a few idle minutes.
It always comes as a surprise to find that something which one assumes must exist in some way doesn't show up on internet searches, because that indicates that i've actually invented a whole new concept that didn't previously exist. It's gratifying too, for that matter. With this in mind, I challenge you lot to my latest competition*: to invent a form of porn that does not as yet exist.

My own searches have failed to show up results for either "Chav Porn"** or "Jehovah witness porn", or any recognisable variant thereof.
What I'm challenging you to do is come up with other sorts of porn that can't be found in any recognisable form in a quick google search. I shall be judging entries from my own objective viewpoint, but I shall be guided by the following considerations:
1) Likelihood. As in "That doesn't already exist? Good heavens!" High marks shall be awarded for porn ideas that should exist but don't.
2) Brevity: "Chav porn" is a good example of a quick and simple idea. "Gay Nazi Robot Octopus Porn" is a bad example, as it is plainly desperate and reaching.

the best ideas and entries may well get some sort of goodies out of it when I announce winners.

Get porning.


<sup>* The winner of my last competition was lanfykins. Jon Argles appeared to know the right answer, but never sent it to me, and several people seemed to know the derivation of the quiz but didn't post the correct answer either. As the first person to actually post the correct answer, Lanfykins may claim an alcoholic beverage of her choice from me when next we meet (within reason).

**Note for Americans: "Chav" is a currently popular british term for what Americans call White Trash. You can learn more about Chavs here</sup>

Comments

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I have a feeling that you owe me an alcoholic beverage from a previous competition too, though I may be wrong.

It is possible that by the time we meet up you may owe me the equivalent of the gross national product of France.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You ought to claim your prizes; I forget damn quickly when I owe people something :)

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

What competition was that anyway?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

this one

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the ol' Asterix riddle.

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

Is it my fault you avoid Oxford like, err, something very unpleasant that is to be avoided?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I don't avoid it, I just never got there :)

Greenwich and London 'ling are my venues of choice. As the wench doesn't game much, i don't go to many others.

[jonnyargles.livejournal.com]

Dad's Army Porn?

Not even any slashfic, which is disappointing.

"Ooh, Mr Mainwaring, I've just shot me load!"

"Stupid boy, Pike!"

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, good one!

[ex-boog351.livejournal.com]

Chess Porn

"The knight took the bishop"

"the bishop pinned the queen to the king before taking her"

[reddragdiva]

I just mentioned this to redcountess. She likes the idea. This proves there is a market.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

> It was once said that there is nothing in this world that is so
> unusual or unpleasant that there isn't someone who finds a sexual
> thrill from it.

Actually, what I said was that there was no fetish conceivable that there wasn't at least one *man* somewhere who found it sexually exicting. Still, I'm glad to see you got a new and interesting way to waste time out of my little theory.

I decided this must be the case shortly after watching an episode of "Have I got news for you?" episode which featured the story of a man having intercourse with his car exhaust.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's a good idea for a competition, you have to admit. Now what's your entry? (oo-er missus)

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

I've given up after such valliant attempts as "Bob the Builder", "Michael Howard" and "Espresso machine" all failed to produce no hits.

[jonnyargles.livejournal.com]

I hope that your use of 'man' is a non-feminist friendly way of referring to people; I've heard of women using peanut butter and dogs, meat bones, various piercings, and that's before you get into the gay thundercat porn.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

No, I meant a man. Because the vast majority of people with weird fetishes appear to be male.

[maakeff.livejournal.com]

So basically, you're being sexist about it. Nice.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'm being sexist. Any more than claiming that luxury sports cars are bought mostly by men is sexist. (And the only person I know who owns a luxury sports car is a woman.)

By the way, the majority of people who watch soaps and read crappy no-brain magazines are women. Am I being sexist now?

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

With the engine on or off?

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Off, I hope.

[reddragdiva]

"Chav porn" is pretty much the default. Think of the well-presented white trash frequenting much porn of the paper variety.

As for possible new pr0n, my brane was exploded when I first heard of Bush/Gore slash.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It is kinda a default; however, I was looking for it as a specialist interest.

[reddragdiva]

Naked women in Burberry baseball caps, with their names misspelt in Old English lettering just above their arses? Phwoooar!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I've gone all quivery.

[reddragdiva]

No you haven't. You're thinking about well-bred young women with charm, witty conversation and an intelligent gleam in their eyes. And fabulous breasts.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

She pulled out her scrunchy and her lank hair fell forward over her hoop ear-rings.
"My God, Tracy," I said, "you're beautiful."
"Nah-aa-aa-aa-aaa" she replied...

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I personally lament the lack of gingham porn, but I am a niche market.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

You are that one man and I claim my five pounds.

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Erm, there was a Wizard of Oz Penthouse spread once...

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Oh really? *cough* Any idea which one, purely out of scientific interest.

[ex-boog351.livejournal.com]

Or how about Tango porn.

You know when you've been tango'd

Chav-tastic!

[applez.livejournal.com]

Even better than the Chav Celebrities is the Chav Baby Name generator! :-)

[souldier-blue.livejournal.com]

Chav is the Romany word for kid or child, but it seems to be being used in a somewhat derogatory fashion now *shrug*

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It derives from Chayya, which is the correct pronounciation I'm lead to believe.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, my Hungarian friend informs me that 'Csavo' in Hungary means much the same as 'Chav' does inthis country.

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

Darwin Award Porn.

In my searches, (consisting of half an hour of my life I'll never see again suffixing whatever popped into my head with "porn", putting it into Google and waiting for the police to bang down my door and seize my machine), there was also no Jim'll Fix It porn, Time Bandit porn or Rincewind porn.

The existence of Oompa Loompa porn will haunt me until my dying day.

[astatine210.livejournal.com]

'Scuse me, just blundered in on a link from karohemd.

Civil Engineering Porn

Think of the possiblities!

"Ohh, that's such a huge erection... Yes! Sink that shaft! Drill me!".

Ah, maybe not.

[whiskeylover.livejournal.com]

Also jumping in via a

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Also jumping in via a <lj-username = 'karohemd'> link-
Klingon Necrophilia doesn't seem to produce any hits, and surely someone must have thought of that?

[reddragdiva]

Oh dear. It appears to exist.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Holy Crap. How long did it take you to find that?

[reddragdiva]

I'm on the community in question. She just popped up in my browser one day, honest.

Apparently she's from one of those child "supermodel" sites. Commonly considered rather dubious and less than wholesome. Though I understood that if chavs waited until they were 16, all their friends would be grandmothers.

Chav porn:

[nothingistrue.livejournal.com]

I only found this LJ because I was looking for chav porn on google. Does it DEFINITELY not exist? Cuz I could really go for some, and I couldn't get the film to download off this site. http://www.rantage.net/

Could someone make some, maybe?

Re: Chav porn:

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You may be only the secopnd person ever to look for 'Chav porn' on google. That's quite disturbing, when you thin kabout it, isn't it?

Someone makes the valid point that the pram-faced council estate inhabitees who get their kit off for Razzle and Fiesta probably count, so that's the closest you're likely to get.

Chav porn has arrived?!

[(Anonymous)]

Unbelievable, it's happened. Maybe there's more of a market for chav porn than we think... http://chav.smutstars.com (sorry if links to such sites are deemed inappropriate, feel free to delete).

Personally I can think of better ways of spending my time but, well, whatever butters your muffin and all that...

Re: Chav porn has arrived?!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Funny old world, innit - by an odd coincidence I was looking at this post only the other day.

Any chance of a clue or two who you are?