davywavy | The David Tolerance Test

It’s commonly observed that we live in a multicultural society, in which tolerance for others is a valuable commodity and is one which we must all strive towards. After all, it is very easy to say that one is tolerant, but it is sometimes interesting quite how quickly some people’s ‘tolerant’ attitudes fall to pieces when put to the test. In thinking about this, I’ve decided to write the David Tolerance Test.
How tolerant of others are you? Take the test to find out.

1) Which of the following do you have, or would you be willing to have, as friends? (Score one point for all that apply)
a) Heterosexuals
b) Homesexuals/ bisexuals
c) Fetishists
d) Islamic Fundamentalists
e) Jehovahs Witnesses
f) Convicted Theives
g) Abortionists
h) Anti-abortionists
i) Racial supremacists/isolationists (any colour) (E.g. KKK, Nation of Islam)
j) Lancastrians
k) Trainspotters
l) Conservative voters
m) Prostitutes
n) Pimps
o) Drug Dealers
p) Satanists
q) Southern Baptists
r) Scientologists
s) Vivisectionists
t) Intolerant People (Your definition)

2) Which of the following governmental and economic forms do you consider acceptable in the modern world? (Score one point for all that apply).

a) Democracy
b) Dictatorship (Communist)
c) Dictatorship (Military)
d) Dictatorship (Religious)
e) Monarchy
f) Free-market Capitalism
g) Socialism (International)
h) Socialism (National)

3) Which of the following clothing types do you consider the public wearing of acceptable in modern society? (Score one point for all that apply)

a) Fetish Wear
b) Fur (Farmed or Hunted)
c) Fur (Antique)
d) Leather
e) Gentlemen not wearing a tie
f) The Burkah
g) The Hijab
h) The Yarmulkah
i) Shell Suits/Tracksuits

4) Which of the following social behaviours do you consider acceptable in modern society (score one point for all that apply)

a) Littering
b) Public Brawling
c) Public Smoking (Tobacco)
d) Public Smoking (Marijuana)
e) Street Drinking and/or drunkenness
f) Public Nudity
g) Public ‘Heavy petting’
h) Graffiti
i) Undisciplined Children
j) Smacking Children

5) Which of the following sports do you consider acceptable in modern society? (Score one point for all that apply)

a) Shooting
b) Angling
c) Fox Hunting
d) Steeplechase (E.G. The Grand National)
e) Bullfighting
f) Boxing
g) Bare-knuckle fighting
h) Cage Fighting
i) Topless Darts
j) Dwarf Throwing

6) Which of the following publications have you read at least once within the last month? (Score one point for all that apply)

A) The Guardian
B) The Daily Telegraph
C) The Sun
D) The Daily Mail
E) The Independent
F) The New Statesman
G) The Spectator
H) The Economist

6) Which of the following words would you consider acceptable for public use? (Score one point for all that apply)

a) Damn
b) Fuck
c) Spastic
d) Yid
e) Nigger
f) Pikey
g) Puff
h) Bitch

7) Score one point for every country other than your nation of permanent residence which you have visited for more than one week. (Maximum five points.)

SCORING THIS TEST

If you scored fewer than 20 points, you are worryingly intolerant; certainly you have difficulty integrating meaningfully in modern Western Liberal society. Instead of railing about the failings of society (which you undoubtedly do), you would be better served by thanking that selfsame society for putting up with even outcasts like yourself.

If you scored more than 65 points, you’re probably clapping yourself on the back, congratulating yourself on what a tolerant, understanding person you are. No matter what life throws at you, you accept with a twinkle, knowing that you’re tolerant of others and their foibles.
Well, I have news for you. You aren’t tolerant, you’re vacillating. Bending with every social breeze that passes, your indecisiveness is a social hindrance, and your inability to make judgment calls on matters of moral equivalence means that you cannot interact meaningfully with modern democratic society. Please – and I’m saying this for my good as well as yours – don’t use your vote until you’re capable of making up your mind.

If you scored between 20 and 65, although you have developed critical judgment and have a fair degree of acceptance of the variability of humanity, you probably aren’t as tolerant of others as you like to think you are. The whole point of this exercise is to make one point, which is my basic contention: There Is No Such Thing As A Tolerant Human Being.
I can’t remember who it was that said it, but it was once observed that the people most likely to turn on one like a pack of dogs and string you up from a lamppost for disagreeing with them are self-satisfied liberals who congratulate themselves upon their tolerance. So it has ever been since the dawn of human history: as Ook the Chimp looked up from his copy of The Daily Ug and said “You know, I have nothing against those chimps in the next tree, but I do wish they’d stay there and stop trying to come over here and take our Bananas”, so has humanity continued since.
What I want to have achieved here is to have made you look at your own prejudices and compare them with others and think about why you hold the opinions you do. Go back, read through the list. Ask yourself why you think the things you do. Are they just received wisdom? Could you defend your beliefs with reasoned argument? Why is one thing wrong in your eyes and another right? Why will you accept one person and reject another?
The best way to help make a better world is not for everyone to hold hands and sing a song, as my socialist chums would have you believe (because it’s human nature to hate and avoid), but to understand the prejudices of ourselves and others, When you understand someone, it becomes harder to hate them and easier to find ways to work around the intolerance that is our human heritage.

If you don’t agree with me, then you’re just plain intolerant.
And I hate people like that.