Sometimes...

[davywavy]

At the end of the street on which I live, there is a wall which comes to about chest height on me. A cat sits on the top of the wall seemingly all the time, plainly having learned that it is ideally positioned to catch passers-by and, by turning up the cuteness factor, get some transient affection. I'm usually suckered by this approach and as I was strolling past the other day I saw the cat was there - being petted by a girl in (I'd say) her mid-twenties.
Not being one to pass up the opportunity to strike up conversations with random womenfolk in the street I went up and started to make a fuss of the cat as well, and used the simpering feline as an excuse to say hello.
Within ten seconds I knew, instictively, that I wanted nothing to do with this woman.

I can't say what it was, but there was something that all my instincts rebelled against; something about her expression, her posture, what she said? All three? Something else? I couldn't tell you, but I just knew that I didn't want to talk to her. Instead I wanted to rudely turn and walk briskly away.
Naturally I didn't - I politely chatted for a few moments before bidding her good-day and wandering off. But I watched my reflection in the windows I passed, just to make sure she wasn't following me. She was that disconcerting.

What is it that tells us these things? What sends these messages to our brains when we meet other people? Why is it some people just seem to us to be people we can talk to and even trust on short acquaintance, whilst with some others all our nerves scream at us to make for the hills?
Of course, it's subliminals. Cues which we can't even consciously recognise from the other person but our hind-brain monkey, evolved to survive environments where getting it wrong about the intentions of others meant almost certain death sees the cues - and reacts to them.

Modern society is forcing us to supress these instincts, but it's very telling just how often people will say that they 'just knew' there was something odd about old so-and-so, just as the police show up to cart them off and dig up the fifty gallon drums in the garden. Most of the time we're inclinded to think that these claims are spurious, after the fact rationalisation but it's true that, at some level, we can tell when something is up.

I really must start to listen to my instinctive reactions more. I think they have a lot to tell me.

Comments

Trust uyo

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

I met a very casual acquaintance of my brother's once in a pub near Finsbury park (it was the summer of 81 and we were in London visiting my older sister). There was something I didn't like about him, yet he was superficially unassuming and friendly. He gave me the creeps to the extent that when his hand brushed my hand it made me feel sick.

I told Johnnie how I felt and he was irritated. He thought I found the guy sexually threatening and kept saying that I was wide of the mark and being ridiuclous (what he wouldn't say is that the guy was gay so could be no threat to me).

We had a major row about it and I got so upset that in the end Johnnie burnt the slip of paper with the bloke's name and phone number on it to calm me down because i din't want him to have anything to do with someone that gave me the fear.

The guy's name was Dennis Nilsen.

Re: Trust your instincts

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the typos. I should be in bed.

Re: Trust uyo

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Bloody Crikey.

Re: Trust uyo

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

I told you I was a good judge of character.

You'll be receiving the injunction later today.

Re: Trust uyo

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I hope so.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

I find that when someone turns out to be really wierd or a psycho, if I'm honest with myself, before I pushed them down my instincts were telling me there was something wrong.

I try to follow my instincts nowadays as much as possible, they rearely let me down

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I wonder if I make anyone feel like that. It's making me think, now.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

If you're not a psycho or a weirdo probably not. Instincts tend to pick up on things that are there not things you are worried people may percieve in you.

I think people sometimes think you are a tad on the arrogant side but from what i can gather you deliberately cultivate that impression and arrogance doesn't usually make people think its a really bad idea to be around you

[cryx]

ooh interesting. The thing i find hard is trying to distinguish my intuition from my prejudices and double think.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

That's the problem with that 'gut feeling'; it's easy to dismiss it as prejudice and it's only after the event that we say "I knew there was something wrong with old Mr. Willikins the fairground owner."
I wish there were, as you say, some way to discriminate. far too often my initial feeling has been proven right, or mostly right, but it's very rare that I have the undeniable rection that I got from this girl.

I have to wonder if I was right about her - and if so, what her problem is?

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

was she carrying an axe?
Did she have a 'I boil men pets for fun' t-shirt on?

Maybe there was something really obvious that you aren't seeing because you are concentrating on the big picture

[cryx]

yeah.. i'm curious too... I don't think we could get surveillance and stalking done this late in the game though.

I tend to over analyse things, which effectively cripples intuition.

[ex-boog351.livejournal.com]

I would hazard a guess that your dislike for this person was based on who she reminded you of rather than any vibes you may have felt from her?

Unless she radiated pure evil. Did she have red glowing eyes, and bellow out insane laughter at random points in the conversation? If so, she could have been my ex :)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Gosh, he does seem to ahve done the rounds, doesn't she? I seem to have gone out with her too.

Perhaps she reminded me of my stalker...

[ex-boog351.livejournal.com]

What, an anonymous maker of assinine comments?

Incidentally, do you have any insight into who the stalker might be?

[souldier-blue.livejournal.com]

Did you see this article? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3643822.stm

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I saw it referred to in the Metro a few days ago in a 'proof that speed dating works' dumbed down sort of way.

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

I've only had bad vibes from two things, ever. One is my ex-friend, who studied body language & over-exaggerated it to pick up women (btw, it worked, insofar as his successes had two x chromosomes. Possibly. Maybe a Y as well.) The other (and this one scared me afterwards, for its sheer unexpectedness) was a pack of Aleister Crowley Tarot cards. I looked at 5 or so, and had to give them back because of the feeling running down my back.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

How odd about the card - but I suppose there's no reason that inanimate objects can't give us the same feelings as animate ones.

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Inanimate objects don't have body language or hormones. As far as I can see, they're literally WYSIWYG. It's not even as if they were unattractive; the art was superb.

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Inanimate objects don't have body language or hormones. As far as I can see, they're literally WYSIWYG. It's not even as if they were unattractive; the art was superb.

[quisalan.livejournal.com]

One thing that has been aired about the idea of instincts is that its more a rapid assimilation of information rather than some mythical, magical feeling.

Body language, sent, pheremones... there's is a fair amount that can give you cues as to whether or not you wish to associate with that person.

Just for a slightly more scientific view on it...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't think that I had some supernatural power of intuition - I think it's definitely subliminal processing of non-verbal cues. But we don't make ourselves consciously aware of it enough to base our immediate judgements on it as we're trying to be social and decent people, like we've been trained to be.

[akcipitrokulo.livejournal.com]

One problem I have is that I feel guilty when I have these gut reactions. I tend to trust people, but sometimes I have a gut feeling that says "NO!" and then I feel bad because the person hasn't done anything, and in fact has barely said two words to me!

I do think you are nice though :-)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Aw, shucks :)