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Tiffianity is a fake religion.
Oct. 3rd, 2006 09:39 amYesterday morning, I created the religion of Tiffianity with high hopes. A new age would dawn for mankind, bringing wisdom and truth to the benighted, ignorant masses. Alas, therefore, that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
vulgarcriminal has posted her Ten Commandments and I find that I disagree with some of them.
It's not every day that someone starts a religion and becomes an Apostate of it within 24 hours. It usually takes weeks.
So it is that, in line with the history of fruitcake-organised fringe religions, I'm officially starting a splinter group which will be called the Church of Tiffanology. The primary purpose of this will be to recapture the basic idea of Tiffany, which we Tiffanologists feel Tiffany herself has lost.
We Tiffanologists believe that Tiffany travelled to our country many years ago in a craft that looked strangely like a DC-10, and that she was not thrown into a volcano.
Tiffanologists will be encouraged to invest in a "T-Meter". When hooked up to the T-Meter, the Tiffanologist can be "Audited" for "Imbecility". The T-Meter does this by measuring levels of incandescent rage in the subject when "Imbecilic" statements like "Gordon Brown is a good chancellor", "Bureaucracies are a fair and efficient means of distributing resources" and "Political parties should be funded by the taxpayer" are read to them.
If the subject is not angered by these statements, then they are deemed to show too much "Imbecility", and they are be treated with a round of punitive beatings and ruthless mockery until the slightest mention of John Prescott is enough to cause a vein to throb in their forehead.
Eventually Tiffanologists aspire to become "OT", or "Operating Tiffans".
And all this for the low, low price of 50% of your net income. Who's in?
vulgarcriminal has posted her Ten Commandments and I find that I disagree with some of them.It's not every day that someone starts a religion and becomes an Apostate of it within 24 hours. It usually takes weeks.
So it is that, in line with the history of fruitcake-organised fringe religions, I'm officially starting a splinter group which will be called the Church of Tiffanology. The primary purpose of this will be to recapture the basic idea of Tiffany, which we Tiffanologists feel Tiffany herself has lost.
We Tiffanologists believe that Tiffany travelled to our country many years ago in a craft that looked strangely like a DC-10, and that she was not thrown into a volcano.
Tiffanologists will be encouraged to invest in a "T-Meter". When hooked up to the T-Meter, the Tiffanologist can be "Audited" for "Imbecility". The T-Meter does this by measuring levels of incandescent rage in the subject when "Imbecilic" statements like "Gordon Brown is a good chancellor", "Bureaucracies are a fair and efficient means of distributing resources" and "Political parties should be funded by the taxpayer" are read to them.
If the subject is not angered by these statements, then they are deemed to show too much "Imbecility", and they are be treated with a round of punitive beatings and ruthless mockery until the slightest mention of John Prescott is enough to cause a vein to throb in their forehead.
Eventually Tiffanologists aspire to become "OT", or "Operating Tiffans".
And all this for the low, low price of 50% of your net income. Who's in?
