Citizen's Arrest

Of the many pleasures which life has to offer, there are few things more satisfying than a wrongdoer getting an unexpected comeuppance.
For example, I've always considered it a great shame that Kenneth Lay's death wasn't caused by him being hit by a truck carrying tons of worthless Enron share certificates to the city dump, but you can't have everything. Of course, I know this opinion isn't shared by everyone. I was once punched for suggesting that Fred Barras was more a candidate for the Darwin Awards than a victim, and I'd've been more likely to recommend Tony Martin for a Community Action Trust reward than convict him.

I've come across a few good example of criminal-related schadenfreude in the last few days - first is the case of Lee Mcleod, who was spotted shoplifting from his local supermarket. Making a break for it he promptly ran into the arms of a security guard whereupon he 'went wild' and struggled to escape. A futile struggle, as it turned out, as the security guard in question was twice a finalist in the World's Strongest Man competition.
Then there's this marvellous series of photos which show what happens when you try to break into a car when a member of the Royal Marines happens to be passing by.

However, my all-time favourite story in this line has to be the case of the New York mugger who one day in 1995 saw an easy opportunity in the elderly lady walking with a aging Catholic priest in New York's Greenwich Village. He snatched her bag and ran for it, but was surprised when the priest gave chase and eventually ran him down with the aid of two passing cops.
After taking a short statement from the priest the police booked the mugger, laughing as they did so. When he asked what was so funny, he was told that the people he'd just robbed were beloved brother and nonagenarian mother of Jimmy 'the Chin' Gigante, capo di capo of the East Coast Mafia who was at that time under indictment on multiple charges of racketeering and murder.
The mugger's lawyer later released a statement which stated that "my client wishes to put this incident behind him, and sincerely hopes that the Mafia will do the same."
Priceless.

I must start writing again

A few weeks ago, redragdiva observed to me that I really ought to contribute to Uncyclopedia. Claiming that I was much too busy, I demurred.
However, finding myself today with Far Too Much To Do (i.e. I've got so much to do I cannot possibly do it all before my deadline, so I may as well revert to giggling and touching myself like a monkey in the zoo for all the difference worrying about it will make), I decided to take him up on his suggestion.

A fiver says it doesn't last until after the weekend.