Ninja Mousepad

[davywavy]

Upon opening my new mousepad I find within the packaging a disclaimer from the manufacturers, absolving them of any responsibility for a great many things including (but not limited to) "Injury, sickness and death caused by the use of this product."

Death?
Death??

I'm now intrigued as to how I might go about causing death with a mousemat and so I shall be spending the rest of this morning trying to sharpen the edges and flinging it, Shuriken-fashion, at my colleagues.
If anyone dies, I'm not taking responsibility for that. It was the manufacturers gave me the idea.

Comments

[scarletdemon.livejournal.com]

Laugh it up funny boy...I'll tell the Coroner how cavalier your attitude was.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Cavaliers. Now there's a good diea. Whipping out my trusty mousepad and seeing off a gang of villainous Roundheads & Cardinals guards before romping with a scullery wench in the bushes and riding into the sunset.
I sense a whole new literary genre in the making.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

The easiest way to murder someone with a mouse mat would be to roll it up and ram it down their throat obstructing their airways, natch?

Does it worry you that my mind works in this way? It should.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I think everyone has thought of that one - but where is the style? The Panache? the imagination which will cause the Daily Mail to call for a banning of all mousemats to prevent this horror occuring again?

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Easy. Do it wearing all black and wrap a scarf round your face. If it's done ninja-stylee, it's got to be cool, right?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that a mousepad once it reached terminal velocity would have enough force to kill someone. Mind you aiming it would be a sod.

Thus I suspect in order to be employed as a lethal weapon you'd have to load up a B52 with a few million of them and carpet bomb a large area for a decent chance of killing someone with one of them.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Propaganda leaflets for the digital age!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Excellent idea, taking it to a new level - we can print useful messages on the mousepads like "Duck"

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I've thought about it and am now wondering whether or not I could join a tough mousepad gang, hanging round on street corners and clogging up trackballs with dirt.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

I am positive* that if I shoved this mouspad up most of my demons' gaping, bloody assholes enough times that eventually some sort of internal bleeding would kill them.





*I'm not really but it sounds like good fun.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Are demons widely applicable? For example, can I have the work demon, the ex-girlfriend demon, and the I-haven't-written-anything-like-enough-for-GenCon-and-it's-tomorrow demon?

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Demons for my purposes are psychological constructs of evil. So, at the moment, my computer memory is a demon, debit card is a demon and Nat West PLC is one huge demon.

I would say that shoving a mousemat up the work demon's ass would be challenging. To what would the ass be assigned?

[colin-boyle.livejournal.com]

They probably just give off a slow-acting poison which seeps into your body via your wrist as it rests inoccently on the edge of the pad.
Or maybe the spotaneously combust.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Who is? I can't see anyone...Oh No!

[applez.livejournal.com]

Honestly, you might want to try not chewing on the mousepad while you're describing its lethal properties. ;-)