day of the Triffids - Inspired by a conversation with twicedead

[davywavy]

Oh no! It's the end of civilisation! The Triffids have risen up and overrun the earth and the necrophagic vegetables are devouring people like it's going out of fashion. You are one of the lucky ones. You are holed up in a safe location with large stocks of food and weaponry and as safe from the Triffids as can be.
One day, a survivor shows up at your stockade and through the kindness of your heart you take him in to protect him from said carniverous cucumbers. However, it quickly turns out that this survivor is a wrong 'un and he's not changing his ways, either - not only does he sneer and spit and call you names, but he also beats up and molests your missus and steals some of your valuable food supplies and clean water. What do you do?

[Poll #730506]

Comments

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna chuck him, but not when there are Triffids nearby, and I'm going to give him supplies and some chances.

If the Triffids are in the area, then he will most definitely be just locked in the cupboard.

On the other hand, I don't see this as a very good parallel for our modern society, where we have many more options thanbnks to a large constabulary and judiciary to deal with such reprobates.

And should Triffids attack I'm off to the island for my multiple wives!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah, the Triffids are everywhere. The only places there aren't any triffids are safe havens for people, and all of them say they don't want him and they won't thank you for trying to foist him on them.

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Then it's probably into the cupboard for him.

Though I may chuck him out, as an inidividual survival situation is somewhat exempt from my usual morality.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah, so the old saw that a Conservative is a Liberal who has just been mugged rings true in this case then?

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

No it's more that one can be more liberal when one has the freedom of a first world democracy to be liberal in. Liberalism is a benefit of civilisation. I've been mugged

When the Triffid start marching, I'm all for a strong leadership with a firm grip, preferably being me.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

And we maintain those freedoms through the people within it acting with liberality. Someone who isn't prepared to act appropriately within that social structure plainly doesn't want to live within it - and it appears that the majority agree with me. Hurrah for Democrcy!

[jonnyargles.livejournal.com]

What's liberal about it? There is a certain amount of arrogance is in saying that we have a better system of justice and fairness than another country - by allowing criminals in their country safe harbour here, we are effectively making an autocratic moral judgement on another culture (admittedly one that's as bent as a banana before the EU got their hands on them).

And I pshaw those who say that all human life is sacred. I'd rather ensure the safety of the innocent than risk sending the guilty back to their countries. Mostly, there's a REASON they're in danger of their lives in their home countries - the same things that they're doing here. Admittedly, there are exceptions, but then again you wouldn't get Ken Saro Wia (sp) trafficking teenage girls into the country for prostitution.

[angusabranson.livejournal.com]

In the case above the safest thing for your own survival would be to 'pop a cap in his head'. Otherwise he could come back and haunt you at a later date and with only limited supplies and no real back-up you want to minimise any chance of something/anything coming back to cause you further problems later on.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

That's my thinking. Kill the motherfucker lest he lurk about and gain triffidy powers.

Plus it would be a big laugh.

JmC
I'd beat him to death with a chair

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

pop a cap in both his legs, then he in't dead but can't come after you either.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Nonsense. Don't you watch films? Triffidy powers, says I! He'll crawl his way back to cause trouble. Chop him into little bits then strike a deal with the Triffids with him as top grade fertiliser.

JmC
An IRA plant

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

euuwwww

I feel unclean now

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure you have the neccesary brutality for this new plant-infested world. Go watch Van Damm & Woody Allen movies interspersed with Jackass episodes to give you the right level of contempt for bits of humanity.

JmC
"Woody" Allen, eh? Sounds Triffid to me...

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

I can't watch Jackass, it makes me feel ill

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

I feel the same about Woody Allen.

Looks like you have to leave the killing and morally shady dealings to those of us in the "Pop a cap" camp. You can set up the new system of Goverment in the meantime. That or cook.

JmC
Jamesass

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

I'll cook

well provided I don't have to cook any human body parts anyway.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Deal.
(Human flesh tastes better raw anyway)

JmC
I also cook


PS. Added you to my Friends list. Seems only fair if you're gonna cook!

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

I thought I had already replied to this, how odd

friended you back, you may have noticed by all the tat appearing on your friend's page :)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Triffids are radioactive, you know.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Fine. Stick him next to a mobile phone mast for 2 hours before you offer him up to the planty monsters.

Do I have to think of everything in this new world?

JmC
Triflid

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Nah - if they're radioactive and they bite, he will gain strange, triffid-like powers.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

If we chop him up good first strange, triffid-like powers will avail him naught!

JmC
Does whatever a stomped on spider can

[angusabranson.livejournal.com]

That's just torturing him. A quick death is better - even if he does deserve to hurt more.

By popping a cap in his legs and then throwing him out he's as good as dead. He certainly won't be able to out run the Triffids so you're just leaving him to sweat out his final hours/minutes until the inevitable happens.

Also, apart from it being more humanitarian to kill him quickly, if you did pop his knees there is always the chance he 'might' survive and then come back looking for revenege.

No. A quick clean kill. Too many people (most notably James Bond Villains) have made the mistake of not just doing the job straight and allowing the person to come back and ruin their plans/survival.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

I wasn't going to throw him out, just make him immobile and keep him in the safe house.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

Tie him to a chair and throw the food at him that no one else wants

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

I'd chuck him out. You took him in and did him a favour, and he abused your trust. He didn't have to, but he did anyway. So he can see how he gets on with the Triffids, sounds like they could be best mates!

Without the molesting of the Mrs I might have just locked him in the broomcupboard though. ;-)

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

It is a bit of a sticking point, isn't it?
I was going to just give him a stern talking to before that. Now I'm putting his eyes out with a mellon baller.

JmC
And not just his eyes...

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

Can you comment on this for me?

http://tooth-fairy.livejournal.com/707455.html

I'm not flattery whoring, I just respect your opinion and I'd like to know what you think.

It is screened.

[(Anonymous)]

The really saintly thing to do would be to turn the other cheek, take the abuse without complaint, and if he steals from you, give him the food as a gift (as in this (http://education.yahoo.com/homework_help/cliffsnotes/les_miserables/8.html) famous story).

I wonder how many people could actually do this, though?

There's a rather sneering anecdote by Martin Amis in "The Moronic Inferno" in which Amis reports going to watch the performance of an American evangelical preacher. "You hit me, and I'll turn the other cheek. But you hit my wife or kids, boy, and I'll put you on the floor." Amis presents this as rather contemptible, but for the life of me I still can't see why. It seems a perfectly practicable moral code to me.

H

[cleosilver.livejournal.com]

If he won't contribute with work then he must contrubute in other ways.
Fresh meat for dinner tonight : )

[tzel.livejournal.com]

I'd bind his hands behind his back and tie a rope to his ankles so that he had just enough rope to stagger along slowly. I'd place a small cut on his ankle so that he bled steadily but slowly. *Then* I'd throw him out to the Triffids.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Sounds like justice to me.

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

The cupboards not a good idea. Think of the smell and the unhygenic results.You can't kill him yourself because he may change his ways at some point. If he's meant to survive then if you turn him out maybe he will. The worst scenario is if he finds a way to rule the Triffids and brings them down on you enmass, making you the subject of a Triffid Jhad.

[scarletdemon.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't have a wife...I'm not a lesbian. And how good looking is he?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Oh, not very good loooking at all. And foreign, to boot.

[applez.livejournal.com]

Clearly you:

1. Tie him down and put him under guard

2. Meanwhile, go out and find fuel, maybe a few supplies

3. Fuel up his stolen Bentley/Rolls-Royce, stock up the boot with those supplies.

4. Release him into the wild with his fueled automobile, with very clear threats from your farmers' shotguns.

[applez.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...or was that the post-pharmaceutical disaster of 'Survivors' that I'm thinking of? ;-)

[hiromasaki.livejournal.com]

It is the year 1974.

Corporal Steve Rogers has been elected President.

A mutated virus infects the crops of the heartland, turning the vegetables into ravenous, flesh-eating zombies.

A 5-issue limited series, this summer... Marvel VeggieZombies! They're coming to eat your meat!

[patchworkkid.livejournal.com]

not only does he sneer and spit and call you names

"Tip napalm down your shirt
Your vest will be consumed by flames
And that will really hurt."

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Yes he does that, too.

10/10 for getting the reference. Bravo.