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davywavyThe papers yesterday were full of Prime Ministerial things, including one piece which I found quite sobering - a reminder that the only person in the country with the authority to order a nuclear strike using the British Armed Forces is the Prime Minister. Now, I don't know about you, but overall given a choice between this decision being made by pretty much any Prime Minister I can name and, say , the Queen, I'd rather have her Majesty's finger on the button any day of the week. Whichever way a nuclear decision went, I can't think of any Prime Minister I'd really trust to make the right call.
It's distressingly easy to imagine Tony Blair striking a pose of sanctimonious piety and hang-wringing faux-concern whilst blithely condemning untold millions to sizzling oblivion, and it's similarly easy to imagine John Major Umming and Ahhing in a frenzy of indecision before being carried away in an expanding nuclear fireball because he'd left the decision too late.
All told, the British nuclear arsenal is relatively small. The French, Ukranians, Russians, Belarussians, Chinese and US all have definitely have many more atom bombs than us (although the Ukrainian and Belarussian ones are under the control of Russia), and several emerging powers like India, Israel and Brazil may well have but they're keeping quiet about it. Even more worryingly, there's a suggestion that Japanese Death cult Aum Shrinko (responsible for the Tokyo Sarin-gas attack) detonated the worlds first non-governmental nuclear device in the mid 1990's.
Be that as it may, the thing about atom bombs - their entire point, no less - is that you don't need very many of them to really spoil someone's day. The British stockpile of about 200 warheads has a theoretical ability to devastate an area of some 20,000 square miles and dangerously irradiate an area double that - about a tenth of the land area of, say, France.
I'm just saying.
That article which caught my attention was one which pointed out that one of the first duties of an incoming Prime Minister is to write a letter outlining what the reaction of British nuclear commanders should be in the event of their death in a nuclear attack. The letter is handwritten and then sealed unread by anyone except the PM. Should London and the chain of command be vapourised, the letter is opened and acted on. When a PM leaves office, the letter is destroyed, unopened; the idea being that only the PM knows what is in it and ever will. Apparently when Blair wrote his letter he turned white as a sheet and shook, and when Major wrote his he had to take a day or two off afterwards to recover.
I actually find it rather comforting that people writing what is an effective posthumous death warrant for millions are so affected by doing so.
Of course, the effect of reading about this is to make me wonder what my letter would say. Even if the incoming PM is committed to nuclear disarmament the letter must be written to cover the period before decomissioning, so there's no cop out there. The options which military advisors give the PM are said to include; retaliate, stand down and retreat to Australia (if it's still there), place yourself under the command of the US (if it's still there), use your judgement, and several others.
I mentally started to compose a letter, like you do, but quickly realised that what I was mentally writing was a mealy-mouthed buck-passing pile of crap. I might have a go at thinking about it again later.
So, there's my question to you: If you were PM, what would your letter say?
It's distressingly easy to imagine Tony Blair striking a pose of sanctimonious piety and hang-wringing faux-concern whilst blithely condemning untold millions to sizzling oblivion, and it's similarly easy to imagine John Major Umming and Ahhing in a frenzy of indecision before being carried away in an expanding nuclear fireball because he'd left the decision too late.
All told, the British nuclear arsenal is relatively small. The French, Ukranians, Russians, Belarussians, Chinese and US all have definitely have many more atom bombs than us (although the Ukrainian and Belarussian ones are under the control of Russia), and several emerging powers like India, Israel and Brazil may well have but they're keeping quiet about it. Even more worryingly, there's a suggestion that Japanese Death cult Aum Shrinko (responsible for the Tokyo Sarin-gas attack) detonated the worlds first non-governmental nuclear device in the mid 1990's.
Be that as it may, the thing about atom bombs - their entire point, no less - is that you don't need very many of them to really spoil someone's day. The British stockpile of about 200 warheads has a theoretical ability to devastate an area of some 20,000 square miles and dangerously irradiate an area double that - about a tenth of the land area of, say, France.
I'm just saying.
That article which caught my attention was one which pointed out that one of the first duties of an incoming Prime Minister is to write a letter outlining what the reaction of British nuclear commanders should be in the event of their death in a nuclear attack. The letter is handwritten and then sealed unread by anyone except the PM. Should London and the chain of command be vapourised, the letter is opened and acted on. When a PM leaves office, the letter is destroyed, unopened; the idea being that only the PM knows what is in it and ever will. Apparently when Blair wrote his letter he turned white as a sheet and shook, and when Major wrote his he had to take a day or two off afterwards to recover.
I actually find it rather comforting that people writing what is an effective posthumous death warrant for millions are so affected by doing so.
Of course, the effect of reading about this is to make me wonder what my letter would say. Even if the incoming PM is committed to nuclear disarmament the letter must be written to cover the period before decomissioning, so there's no cop out there. The options which military advisors give the PM are said to include; retaliate, stand down and retreat to Australia (if it's still there), place yourself under the command of the US (if it's still there), use your judgement, and several others.
I mentally started to compose a letter, like you do, but quickly realised that what I was mentally writing was a mealy-mouthed buck-passing pile of crap. I might have a go at thinking about it again later.
So, there's my question to you: If you were PM, what would your letter say?
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no subject
Date: 2007-06-29 12:27 pm (UTC)1) If it was the US: I knew it would be! I never trusted them! I suggest dropping a couple of small ones on any of their major power stations. Then vapourise all the gold in fort knox.
2) If it was the French: I never trusted them! Saying they were our friends after we saved their sorry arses! Drop a couple of small ones on any easy to reach nuclear powerstations. That'll learn'em.
3) If it was the Russians: Who'd'a thunk it? Hmm. Infiltrate Russia and steal all their furry hats. That'll infuriate them.
4) If it was Israel: Don't touch them! It's the holy land. Go to them cup in hand and promise to be kosha from now on!
5) If it was the Chinese: Well we have been mocking their waiters for years... we probably deserved a little more than just the occational urine soup. Go to Austrailia and start farming wallabees.
6) If it was Outer Mongolia: I want you to erect a flag on Downing Street saying "Didn't I say they were building an arsenal? Did anyone believe me? No! Well aren't you sorry now! Love, Elbly" P.s. Bomb their HQ and all their guineapig farms.
7) If it was anyone else: Run around screaming like frightened women with your underwear on your heads for 10 minutes. Then drink some tea and calm down. When that doesn't work, drink some gin and start giggling like a fool. When the hangover wear's off, go and make a nice little home for yourself on the Falkland Islands and tell the Argentinians that you are now the King of the Island and are prepared to make peace. If they try to take the island by force, bomb them! Oh - and make sure the Argentinians know that Gibralta's part of the package - don't, what ever you do, hand it back to the Spanish!
Lots of love, Elbly, your illustrious, and now somewhat fried, leader.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-29 12:36 pm (UTC)Dear Captain,
APRIL FOOL!
Love, your ex-PM.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-29 01:58 pm (UTC)