Never work with children or animals

[davywavy]

Picture the scene. A romantic evening. A quiet street, late at night. A crisp, frosty evening with the stars shining down upon us. David and a charming lady companion are taking a moonlit stroll before retiring for a nightcap. As we walk, I see an astonishingly stout ginger tomcat (like a oversized, furry rugby ball with legs) waddle out behind us and start to cross the road.

Me (To cat): Oh, hallo, fatso.
Her: What?!
Me: I was talking to the cat!
Her: What cat?
Me (pointing): That one.
Her (Looking round too slowly and missing the cat, who has gone to hide beneath a car): What cat?
Me: There was this big fat ginger cat...it's under a car...you missed it?
Her: Really.
Me: Yes! It's under that car!
Her: Hmmn.
Me (kicking the car tyre to try and get the cat to come out): Yes...this one? Here, kitty? I say, cat? Hallo? Cat?
Her: You know, I don't think I want that drink. I'll think I'll go off to bed. G'night.
Me: No! wait! There's a cat! I wasn't talking about you - I meant..cat...ah, bugger.
Her: Goodnight
Me: Hang on...hold up...I wasn't...
Cat (Who has emerged from under the car and is looking up hopefully, obviously expecting affection or, more likely, food): Mioaw?
Me (To cat): Get stuffed, fatso.
Her (From down the road): I heard that!

Comments

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

Kismet, Hardy?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

My life is non-stop romance.

[(Anonymous)]

We hear the watersports are very good.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Get stuffed, fatso.

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

*mew*

[(Anonymous)]

Pwned by teh cat.

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

well getting pwned by teh pu55y happens to us all

[(Anonymous)]

Putting it like that makes him seems much less lame than is the sad fact.

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

The old "I was talking to the cat" excuse, eh?
JmC
"God, I hate every single thing about you."
"What?!"
"Uh, puss..."

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's a wonder to me she didn't see it. I mean, the thing was collossal.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Does your cat hide himself at inconvenient moments in a comedy attempt to prevent me getting my oats?

I fear he took it badly when we spayed him.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Who wouldn't?

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

"...quite frankly anyone's, as long as they feed him."

and I thought that was just MY friends...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Oddly, it describes me pretty well too.

[ditzy-pole.livejournal.com]

You really should be ashamed of yourself. Blaming it on the cat...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I blame everything on the cat.

Are you back from distant, uncivilised lands now then?

[ditzy-pole.livejournal.com]

Already settled back in Gaytopia.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You make it sound so...delightful.

[ditzy-pole.livejournal.com]

I'm having a special way with words today, in that they are failing me.
*sigh*

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

Mmmm.....Ginger pussy

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

And by the way, I love that icon.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's a photo taken from life, dear boy.

[applez.livejournal.com]

"Chivalry is dead"

[rgljr69.livejournal.com]

I laughed, I cried, I laughed so hard I cried!

Print it. Sell it. Make a fortune. :-)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's nice to know that my failures in love can have some practical applications :)