I bought the Book of General Ignorance last week. It is awesome. But! I get to use something from it, that is tigers can't abide the smell of alcohol. It makes them a bit nuts.
I am learning useless crap! It is one of my favorite things to do. It is well worth it. I'm slightly pissed off at their assertion America was named after a fucking Welshman though. All lies!
I blame hippies. Hippies make TV programmes where they say things like "Wolves never kill humans" or "Tigers are magnificent creatures who never kill humans unless they've been starved and trained to kill humans, they are our jungle friends."
That's because it's easier to sell giving money over to charity for friendly fluffy animals that only kill when they ~need~ to eat rather than huge fanged drooling four legged killing machines that would chew your arm off given half the chance.
I mean it's...
"Save the Siberian Tiger" this beautiful creature is rarely seen in the wild now due to man's exploitation of it's environment. Donate now and preserve this species for future generations.
or...
"Save the Siberian Tiger" this razor fanged hairy bastard would chew you and your family to bits if it met you, they are savage killers that can knock a human's head off with a swipe of their massive clawed feet. Donate now or we'll send one around your house!
I was once in Waterloo station with a lady of my acquiantance and there was a bloke there collecting for 'Save the Tiger' so I stuffed a tenner in his tin. She looked at me and said "What did you do that for?" I replied "Well, if my tenner saves a tiger, and then that tiger eats someone, then I've directly paid £10 to have someone eaten by a tiger - and you haven't been able to get value for money like that since the Roman Empire!"
Reading further into that article and I'm increasingly happy the tiger got them. Frankly if your idea of a good time on Christmas Day is to get stoned, drink vodka, and go to the zoo to taunt animals...
Oh, and I just had the most awesome zoo-related invention idea to deal with people like this.
Zoo animals are behind fences. People come up to the fences and taunt the animals. So you have a secret fence that's three feet further out than the normal one. Then when people are taunting the secret fence pops up out of the ground, and then the normal fence slides into the ground, thus placing the taunters on the wrong (...right?) side of the fence, all up close and personal with the massive predatory animal. :)
In our own sort of "we love animals" way, I suppose. Fewer parades, more of a grumbly "bloody kids," "incompetent zookeepers," and "why did they have to kill that tiger* for being a tiger?"
*I think her name was Natasha or Anastacia ... she was Siberian, you know.
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timeasmymeasure
sounds like justice
Date: 2008-01-18 10:27 am (UTC)ROWR! CHOMP! SLASH! BITE! EAT!
JmC
Grrrrrrrrr EAT!
Re: sounds like justice
Date: 2008-01-18 10:32 am (UTC)Re: sounds like justice
Date: 2008-01-18 10:42 am (UTC)JmC
Still, he DID get to kill morons before he died
Re: sounds like justice
Date: 2008-01-18 10:43 am (UTC)I suspect that you want that as your epitaph, don't you?
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Date: 2008-01-18 11:11 am (UTC)I bought the Book of General Ignorance last week. It is awesome. But! I get to use something from it, that is tigers can't abide the smell of alcohol. It makes them a bit nuts.
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Date: 2008-01-18 11:12 am (UTC)Blimey Tiff, you're dead knowledgable!
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Date: 2008-01-18 11:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 11:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-01-18 11:15 am (UTC)JmC
Provided the tigers don't get shot at the end
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Date: 2008-01-18 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 11:17 am (UTC)Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Date: 2008-01-18 11:31 am (UTC)I mean it's...
"Save the Siberian Tiger" this beautiful creature is rarely seen in the wild now due to man's exploitation of it's environment. Donate now and preserve this species for future generations.
or...
"Save the Siberian Tiger" this razor fanged hairy bastard would chew you and your family to bits if it met you, they are savage killers that can knock a human's head off with a swipe of their massive clawed feet. Donate now or we'll send one around your house!
Re: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Date: 2008-01-18 11:33 am (UTC)I replied "Well, if my tenner saves a tiger, and then that tiger eats someone, then I've directly paid £10 to have someone eaten by a tiger - and you haven't been able to get value for money like that since the Roman Empire!"
She just looked at me funny.
Re: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Date: 2008-01-18 11:39 am (UTC)There is no doubt in my mind that this thing wanted to eat us.
Re: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Date: 2008-01-18 12:35 pm (UTC)Re: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Date: 2008-01-18 11:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 12:49 pm (UTC)Oh, and the Book of General Ignorance is awesome.
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Date: 2008-01-18 12:57 pm (UTC)Zoo animals are behind fences. People come up to the fences and taunt the animals. So you have a secret fence that's three feet further out than the normal one. Then when people are taunting the secret fence pops up out of the ground, and then the normal fence slides into the ground, thus placing the taunters on the wrong (...right?) side of the fence, all up close and personal with the massive predatory animal. :)
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Date: 2008-01-18 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 03:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 04:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-18 04:15 pm (UTC)Tiger! Tiger!
Date: 2008-01-18 04:23 pm (UTC)*I think her name was Natasha or Anastacia ... she was Siberian, you know.
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From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-01-18 08:50 pm (UTC) - Expand