Young love

[davywavy]

Something I had sent to me recently was A Guy's Guide To Not Getting It On (somewhat rude in parts and probably not work safe). I don't know why it was sent to me. Perhaps someone was trying to make a point or something. Who can say?
Reading it and the comments below it, it does somewhat beggar belief that men can be so astoundingly crass when trying to make a good enough impression that girls might see taking their clothes off as a good idea. I mean, I know us men can be - I certainly am - but having so many examples in close proximity just makes me cringe for my gender. Then again, knowing that so many men are witless and crass pleases me because that means there's just that much less competition in the market.

Having these guides of things not to say when trying to make that essential first impression is useful as it allows us to learn from the crippling, embarrassing mistakes of others. So, in a moment of gender equality and fairness, might I suggest:

Things for girls not to say on a first date:
1) "How much do you earn?"
2) "I'm an Aquarius, which means I'm a bit psychic".
3) "My parents didn't love me enough when I was little" (or any variation thereupon).
4) Anything about cats, especially:
i) Indicating that you own more than one cat,
ii) Suggesting that you like cats more than you do people,
iii) Suggesting that you think cats are in some way mystical or magical.
5) "I usually attract nutters and bastards, but you seem different"

So, question of the day: What's the worst thing anyone has ever said to you on a first date/whilst trying to chat you up. And what's the worst thing they could say?*

^{*Apart from "Hallo, I'm David", obviously.}

Comments

[rssefuirosu.livejournal.com]

You and me both. If only it was confined to the colonies!

I've not really had much by way of rubbish lines, but a friend of mine (whom you may have met) did try the ol' "I'm a soldier and I'm going to Afghanistan tomorrow..." routine. At least one of the several girls did clock that he wouldn't be in Manchester half-drunk if that was the case, it's not fucking Armageddon [movie].

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I had almost the exact opposite experience to that - I was standing at the top of Mam Tor having just run to the top, doubled up with pain, panting and feeling like I was going to throw up, when a girl came up to me and said "Ooh, are you a soldier?"

She seemed quite disappointed when I said no.