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davywavyPrime Minister Gordon Brown yesterday announced a major new policy initiative which would mean 'an end to summer and winter'. "Through eighteen years of Tory Misrule this country suffered extreme fluctuations in climate; sometimes as much as forty degrees celcius in a single year", said Brown. He went on to announce that the Labour government would end this seasonal cycle of temperatures and replace it with an eternal, golden summer.
"As I speak", said Brown, "A network of billions of three-bar fires are being strategically positioned throughout the country. Thanks to this low-environmental-impact initiative, we can guarantee continuous and eternal nice, cosy warmth for the entire country at no cost."
When challenged on what 'no cost' meant, Brown admitted that the taxpayer would be footing the bill. He went on to explain that this new initiative meant there would be no further need to stockpile resources or operate a budgettary surplus in anticipation for cold weather, as cold weather will simply never come again.
Breaking News: Eight inches of snow fell over London last night bringing the South of England to a standstill in conditions which, conveniently for this metaphor, have not been seen in this country since the late 1970's. Chancellor Alastair Darling was quick to pin the blame for the downturn in temperature on poor regulatory oversight by the Met Office, and promised that "fat cat weather forecasters will not be rewarded for failure."
"As I speak", said Brown, "A network of billions of three-bar fires are being strategically positioned throughout the country. Thanks to this low-environmental-impact initiative, we can guarantee continuous and eternal nice, cosy warmth for the entire country at no cost."
When challenged on what 'no cost' meant, Brown admitted that the taxpayer would be footing the bill. He went on to explain that this new initiative meant there would be no further need to stockpile resources or operate a budgettary surplus in anticipation for cold weather, as cold weather will simply never come again.
Breaking News: Eight inches of snow fell over London last night bringing the South of England to a standstill in conditions which, conveniently for this metaphor, have not been seen in this country since the late 1970's. Chancellor Alastair Darling was quick to pin the blame for the downturn in temperature on poor regulatory oversight by the Met Office, and promised that "fat cat weather forecasters will not be rewarded for failure."
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Date: 2009-02-03 10:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 10:40 am (UTC)Express/Mail AND Guardian readers.
(thinks)
and The Sport.
OK, so we pass a law saying you MUST ignore those newspapers. No matter what they say. And their readers.
(smiles)
Look- see how MUCH nicer the world is...
Reasons to NOT ban the following:
Sun/Mirror: awww bless they cancel each other out!
Independent: Oh, c'mon! No one pays ANY attention to them anyway!
Times: We do not have to ban them- we simply point out that league tables (university, school, any league tab4e not based in sport) are useless and ban THEM and... the Times suddenly discovers it has no purpose anymore- fires its entire editorial staff and gets back to being something that reports the news as opposed to something that allows you know how much better you are compared to your neighbors...
Telegraph: Cos the mail/express readers WILL need a home.
On a serious note- the editor of the Daily Mail commented recently that new privacy rulings could damage Britain as it may pout some news papers out of print.
How is this a BAD thing?
:)