[Politics] Gordon Brown promises 'an end to summer and winter'.

[davywavy]

Prime Minister Gordon Brown yesterday announced a major new policy initiative which would mean 'an end to summer and winter'. "Through eighteen years of Tory Misrule this country suffered extreme fluctuations in climate; sometimes as much as forty degrees celcius in a single year", said Brown. He went on to announce that the Labour government would end this seasonal cycle of temperatures and replace it with an eternal, golden summer.
"As I speak", said Brown, "A network of billions of three-bar fires are being strategically positioned throughout the country. Thanks to this low-environmental-impact initiative, we can guarantee continuous and eternal nice, cosy warmth for the entire country at no cost."
When challenged on what 'no cost' meant, Brown admitted that the taxpayer would be footing the bill. He went on to explain that this new initiative meant there would be no further need to stockpile resources or operate a budgettary surplus in anticipation for cold weather, as cold weather will simply never come again.

Breaking News: Eight inches of snow fell over London last night bringing the South of England to a standstill in conditions which, conveniently for this metaphor, have not been seen in this country since the late 1970's. Chancellor Alastair Darling was quick to pin the blame for the downturn in temperature on poor regulatory oversight by the Met Office, and promised that "fat cat weather forecasters will not be rewarded for failure."

Comments

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

I was actually thinking about the oddness of this kind of really bad weather apparently happening in sync with really bad economic conditions. It's most peculiar, but does mean that our odds of a white Christmas next year are rising dramatically from what the economists are saying.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Not only did I get a day off work yesterday to build a snowman, it gives me a primo-grade opportunity to mock the hubris of that oaf Brown. It's like an early Christmas!

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Hey- c'mon!
Brown has skillz!
Anyone who can make us look at Blair and go 'The good ole days' is talented!!!

(thinks)
Can we just get RID of the politicians?
Just allow the Civil Service run Britain?
faceless men and women in narrow offices?

I mean- the country will be run entirely the same way, only we do not have complete tosser moralising every twenty seconds- sounds like win win to me!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

My two options would be to force Ian Hislop to become PM - at gunpoint if necessary - or for the Queren to walk into parliament, take back up the sceptre, and deliver some carnage to the variety of faceless politico-drones who so infest the place.

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

I would actually go for drafting Boris in to be PM- as long as he agrees to run the Boris Party and to allow the only qualification to join being a real belief that Mail/Express readers are twats who must be ignored by law.

hell, if they just pass the law forbidding anyone from ever listening to those newspapers again life would improve...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Bear in mind that Mail and Express readers make up a significantly higher proportion of the population than say, The Guardian (about ten times more people). It would be antidemocratic to ignore them if we weren't ignoring that as well.

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Sorry- allow me qualify-
Express/Mail AND Guardian readers.
(thinks)
and The Sport.

OK, so we pass a law saying you MUST ignore those newspapers. No matter what they say. And their readers.

(smiles)
Look- see how MUCH nicer the world is...

Reasons to NOT ban the following:
Sun/Mirror: awww bless they cancel each other out!
Independent: Oh, c'mon! No one pays ANY attention to them anyway!
Times: We do not have to ban them- we simply point out that league tables (university, school, any league tab4e not based in sport) are useless and ban THEM and... the Times suddenly discovers it has no purpose anymore- fires its entire editorial staff and gets back to being something that reports the news as opposed to something that allows you know how much better you are compared to your neighbors...

Telegraph: Cos the mail/express readers WILL need a home.

On a serious note- the editor of the Daily Mail commented recently that new privacy rulings could damage Britain as it may pout some news papers out of print.

How is this a BAD thing?
:)

[(Anonymous)]

Ian Hislop is a good call, though I'd probably choose Jeremy Clarkson. And make Prince Phillip Foreign Secretary, of course.

V

[wyrdness.livejournal.com]

Now I have the image of the queen assuming a fighting stance and saying "Now one will deliver the smackdown" before breaking out in to a whirlwind of martial arts directly imported from only the best movies.

Actually I have the feeling I would pay money to see a film where the queen has to retake parliament for the good of the people by using her martial arts prowess.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'd pay good money to see that in real life.

[sea-of-flame.livejournal.com]

It's the cooling effect of all the lights being turned off in canary wharf -- people simply got the cause & effect of snow & empty trading floors back to front ;)

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

lulz!

"In recent news the Conservative Party used the Freedom of Information Act to discover that last year over 90 days saw rainfall. The leader of the opposition David Cameron went on to say, "This shows that when it comes to the current government, we can clearly see- it rains."
When asked what this means, the Conservative Party stated "We promise to pretend to be entirely different from the Labour Party. And we are. Different. No, honest."
They were quick to point out that in no way do they claim it will rain less. or more. or that they would do anything alternative to the Labour government. Apart from say 'We are different from the Labour party'.
A lot.
A spokesman for the Liberal Democrats pointed out they predicted this would happen years ago- but no one paid any attention to them."

SIGHS!
I think I should leave this country.
I really do want to force ALL politicians to run on a mandate of 'We are the least worst choice'... if a country gets the government is deserves- look at the choices we currently have- this nation deserves to be taken outside and shot!

[(Anonymous)]

"This shows that when it comes to the current government, we can clearly see- it rains."

Does this mean that that under a Conservative government Cameron is claiming we'll be able to see clearly now the rain has gone? We'll be able to see all obstacles in our way? That it's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, sunshiney day....

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

This, good sir, is both true and beautiful.

[the-mendicant.livejournal.com]

If Brown's doing that, then I'm founding a People's Pro-Choice Weather Front! It's our right to have damn freezing and wiltingly-hot weather!

Brown's ill thought-out policy would lead to the main topic of conversation in civilised society being eradicated - that's like throwing the baby out with the rain water!

Strangers will no longer know how to converse with each other, society will break down and there will be anarchy in the balmy streets! 'Down with Comfort' I say - bring back the blitz spirit!