[Politics] Gordon Brown promises 'an end to summer and winter'.

[davywavy]

Prime Minister Gordon Brown yesterday announced a major new policy initiative which would mean 'an end to summer and winter'. "Through eighteen years of Tory Misrule this country suffered extreme fluctuations in climate; sometimes as much as forty degrees celcius in a single year", said Brown. He went on to announce that the Labour government would end this seasonal cycle of temperatures and replace it with an eternal, golden summer.
"As I speak", said Brown, "A network of billions of three-bar fires are being strategically positioned throughout the country. Thanks to this low-environmental-impact initiative, we can guarantee continuous and eternal nice, cosy warmth for the entire country at no cost."
When challenged on what 'no cost' meant, Brown admitted that the taxpayer would be footing the bill. He went on to explain that this new initiative meant there would be no further need to stockpile resources or operate a budgettary surplus in anticipation for cold weather, as cold weather will simply never come again.

Breaking News: Eight inches of snow fell over London last night bringing the South of England to a standstill in conditions which, conveniently for this metaphor, have not been seen in this country since the late 1970's. Chancellor Alastair Darling was quick to pin the blame for the downturn in temperature on poor regulatory oversight by the Met Office, and promised that "fat cat weather forecasters will not be rewarded for failure."

Comments

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Hey- c'mon!
Brown has skillz!
Anyone who can make us look at Blair and go 'The good ole days' is talented!!!

(thinks)
Can we just get RID of the politicians?
Just allow the Civil Service run Britain?
faceless men and women in narrow offices?

I mean- the country will be run entirely the same way, only we do not have complete tosser moralising every twenty seconds- sounds like win win to me!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

My two options would be to force Ian Hislop to become PM - at gunpoint if necessary - or for the Queren to walk into parliament, take back up the sceptre, and deliver some carnage to the variety of faceless politico-drones who so infest the place.

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

I would actually go for drafting Boris in to be PM- as long as he agrees to run the Boris Party and to allow the only qualification to join being a real belief that Mail/Express readers are twats who must be ignored by law.

hell, if they just pass the law forbidding anyone from ever listening to those newspapers again life would improve...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Bear in mind that Mail and Express readers make up a significantly higher proportion of the population than say, The Guardian (about ten times more people). It would be antidemocratic to ignore them if we weren't ignoring that as well.

[mrmmarc.livejournal.com]

Sorry- allow me qualify-
Express/Mail AND Guardian readers.
(thinks)
and The Sport.

OK, so we pass a law saying you MUST ignore those newspapers. No matter what they say. And their readers.

(smiles)
Look- see how MUCH nicer the world is...

Reasons to NOT ban the following:
Sun/Mirror: awww bless they cancel each other out!
Independent: Oh, c'mon! No one pays ANY attention to them anyway!
Times: We do not have to ban them- we simply point out that league tables (university, school, any league tab4e not based in sport) are useless and ban THEM and... the Times suddenly discovers it has no purpose anymore- fires its entire editorial staff and gets back to being something that reports the news as opposed to something that allows you know how much better you are compared to your neighbors...

Telegraph: Cos the mail/express readers WILL need a home.

On a serious note- the editor of the Daily Mail commented recently that new privacy rulings could damage Britain as it may pout some news papers out of print.

How is this a BAD thing?
:)

[(Anonymous)]

Ian Hislop is a good call, though I'd probably choose Jeremy Clarkson. And make Prince Phillip Foreign Secretary, of course.

V

[wyrdness.livejournal.com]

Now I have the image of the queen assuming a fighting stance and saying "Now one will deliver the smackdown" before breaking out in to a whirlwind of martial arts directly imported from only the best movies.

Actually I have the feeling I would pay money to see a film where the queen has to retake parliament for the good of the people by using her martial arts prowess.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'd pay good money to see that in real life.