davywavy | Christmas poetry

I have to say, I think Anthrax' Starting up a posse would have been a better Christmas No. 1.

I was talking to a writer friend of mine last night, who, like many people, is unemployed this year. Predictably, the conversation came round to how this is going to affect his Christmas and what he's going to be doing for presents. "Ah", he told me. "My sister had a really nice idea. She knows I'm skint and so rather than buying her a present, she's asked me to write a poem about her this year".

Now, my immediate reaction to this was shock at the realisation that some people out there have families who aren't like mine and don't see a request like that to get busy with rhyme schemes involving "fat", twat", "rat" and "Seroxat". On the other hand, it struck me as really quite a sweet idea.
I used to be more poetic at this time of year; I wrote annual Christmas sagas like It's a Davyful life, The David before Christmas, and How the Chavs stole Christmas, but I haven't done anything like that in a while and it's time for that to change.

So, here goes. I'm not one of those people who says things like "I'm not buying presents this year - I'm making a donation to help crippled whales instead", or that sort of holier than thou nonsense. Screw the crippled whales - people want presents.
instead, if you'd like a present from me, tell me and I shall try and write a poem about you. I make no promise of success, but I'll give it a go*. It will help if a) I know you personally at least moderately well, and b) you have a name which rhymes with lots of things.

^{*Family not eligible.}