davywavy | In which David and Monty quit drinking.

"I've got to warn you", I said as we sat down to dinner. "I'm off the booze at the moment."
"Oh?"
"Yes, it's Lent. Liquor is on the huge list of things I've given up for the duration."
He nodded. "That's fine. I'm on the wagon at the moment as well."
I was surprised. "You? Given it up for Lent as well?"
"No, nothing like that. I'm just on an economy drive at the moment, and I thought it'd do me good to cut out alcohol for a few weeks. Give me system a chance to recover, cut down on calories, all that sort of thing". He turned to the waiter. "Gin and tonic, please."
"Hang on!", I said. "You just told me you weren't drinking. Off the booze. Saving money, health kick, cutting down the calories, all that. Not sixty seconds ago you said that!"
"Yes, but a G&T hardly counts, does it? And anyway, I've had a rotten day at work. I need to settle my nerves. That's almost definitely the same as giving up drinking entirely. Anyway, it's just the one. That won't hurt."
I nodded. "Fair enough."
The waiter leaned in. "And with your main course, sir?"
"Ah, yes", said Monty. "What would you recommend with the pork?"
"If sir is not drinking, might I recommend..."
"I think I could make an exception to that rule now we're here, don't you? Do you have a decent white?"
"What happened to not drinking?" I asked.
"Well, I'm not, hardly. A single glass of the Falanghino will suffice, don't you think?"
"Your definition of "on the wagon" seems a remarkably flexible one?"
"I've not fallen off the wagon, old man. Not at all. Gently toppled, perhaps. A minor lean towards the edge. Possibly a slump-ette. But not a fall by any means."
The waiter turned to me. "Anything for you, sir?", he said, eyeing my glass of water.
"Oh, needs must when the devil drives. Gin and tonic, please."