Five go mad on R'Lyeh
Aug. 2nd, 2017 11:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyAs an April Fool this year, one of the gaming companies out there produced this mock-up of a pretend future product:
It was a nice idea and a good joke and it did the rounds, but I looked at it and thought "I reckon that'd totally sell."
There's a market for nostalgic pastiches, what with the joke Ladybird books and the like, and the Famous Five knockoffs have been tremendously successful. If you look at the Annual Report from WHSmith for the 2015-16 year you'll see they specifically credit the bumper sales of Five on Brexit Island for their larger than expected profits.
"Larger than expected profits?", I thought to myself. "Well, I could do with that action."
Anyway, I got in touch with said company and pitched them the idea of doing their joke for real and got the impression they didn't take me very seriously. So, in an idle moment I put together a spec Chapter One and sent it over as an indication of intent and to show what I was thinking.
I took the absolute lack of any reply whatsoever as a 'No'.
So, without further ado, as it's unlikely I'll be doing anything else with it here's the spec Chapter One of Five Go Mad On R'Lyeh.
Five go mad on R’lyeh.
Chapter 1.
It was the first day of the summer holidays, and a train was steaming through the sunny hills above Kirrin Bay. Aboard were three excited children already planning their holidays.
“Do you think George will be at the station to meet us?” Asked Anne, gazing out of the window down to the cove.
“I should say so”, replied Julian, the eldest of the three. “Any excuse to be running about the place rather than stuck indoors with Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin, that’s George!”
“And I’m sure she’ll have brought Tim, her dog as well”, added Dick. ”I have missed Tim!”
George was the three children’s cousin. A wild girl who would never answer to her real name of Georgina, she cut her hair short and dressed like a boy – and never went anywhere without her beloved dog Tim, a funny sort of mongrel who had got her out of more scrapes than he’d had bones to chew on!
The three all noisily agreed, much to the annoyance of their fellow passengers.
“I say, Julian”, asked Dick. “Do you suppose we’ll have an adventure these hols? It seems whenever we’re all together there’s something going on – spies or smugglers or something.”
“I’m not sure I like adventures very much”, said Anne with a worried frown. “Do remember those going-on when we went on Uncle Quentin’s expedition to Antarctica last year? Some of that was perfectly horrid.”
“Oh, Anne, don’t be such a wet blanket”, replied Dick, who was always keen to show how brave he was. “There won’t be any sanity-blasting horrors these hols, I’m sure! It will be larks! Swimming in the sea, and hopefully Kirrin Island will have risen above the inky waters of the bay so we can go camping in the grotesque, cyclopean ruined castle that broods atop the sea-girt isle.”
Julian nodded. Kirrin Island was an odd place to be sure! But the children could be confident that it would always lurch above the waves just in time for their holidays.
The three were very jealous of George. Her father, who was a very clever scientist and quite rich, had given her the island as a present so whenever the stars were right and it rose to squat like an accursed alien toad just offshore she could have it to play and camp on whenever she liked.
The railway curved along the coast revealing the little village of Kirrin nestled in her cove, fishing boats bobbing at anchor. Many of the locals were a queer sort, only taking their fishing boats out at night when they said the catch was richer.
“There!” shouted Anne. “It’s Kirrin! I’m so excited!” She wriggled with happiness in her seat.
Dick tried to look grown-up and unconcerned about it, and Julian gave him a gentle punch on the arm. “Don’t be an ass”, he said. “You love Kirrin as much as any of us, and don’t pretend you don’t. Just because you’re a year older than Anne doesn’t mean you’re that much bigger than her.”
They were distracted as the locomotive gave a shrill whistle. Kirrin station! They had arrived!
“Look on the platform!” squeaked Anne in excitement. “It’s George. I did so hope she’d be here!”
And so it was. Tanned and strong, George saw them and began to wave immediately, and she was joined by Timmy wagging his tail happily. In moments the four were united on the platform, clapping each other on the shoulder, saying their hallos, and stroking Tim’s head.
“I say George, it is good to see you”, said Julian, and Anne and Dick were quick to agree. “And Tim does look well! You must have been keeping him fit!”
“He is lean and athirst”, agreed George. “Uncle Quentin is hard at work on one of his projects so I’ve been getting up almost at dawn and going out every day. You know what his temper is like when he’s disturbed!”
All four children did. Quentin could be kind, but he had little patience for the sort of loud noises and running about the children liked – and when he was cross he could be very frightening.
“Oooh”, asked Anne. “Is he working on one of his secret projects for the government again? I know he works very hard.”
Anne was not a little scared of Uncle Quentin and tried to keep on his good side.
“I’m not sure what it’s all about this time”, replied George. “He’s in his study at all times of day and night with his books and his apparatus and his funny smells and chanting. Apparently it’s very hush-hush and important and that’s all I know.”
Anne nodded. “I shall be quiet as a mouse when he’s about”, she said.
The other three all laughed. Dear Anne! She could be very timid most of the time, but during their adventures had proved herself to be as brave as any of them.
Seeing Anne’s worried face, George kindly tried to comfort her. “I shouldn’t worry if I were you, Anne”, she said. “We’ll hardly be about the house anyway. Kirrin Island has emerged from its eternal trench beneath the waves and Mother and Father say we can camp there for the holidays if we promise to take care and avoid the non-Euclidean geometry of the ruins.”
“We’ll be fine”, said Julian. “We studied Euclidean geometry in maths this term and I’m sure I can recognise a piece of architecture twisted out of normal dimensions. I came top of the class” he added, a bit primly.
Dick frowned. He wasn’t as good at classes as Julian, and he sometimes felt a bit in his brother’s shadow. Dick was very keep to keep up and show that he was as good as him in any way.
Arm in arm, the four set off down the road to Uncle Quentin and Aunt Fanny’s cottage, Julian keeping them roaring with laughter with stories of some of the pranks he had pulled on the French master at school that summer.
Timmy ran alongside them, wagging his tail and happy as could be. Would there be an adventure now they were all together? Timmy was sure there would. When Julian, Dick, Anne and his mistress George were about, adventure was never far away!
It was a nice idea and a good joke and it did the rounds, but I looked at it and thought "I reckon that'd totally sell."
There's a market for nostalgic pastiches, what with the joke Ladybird books and the like, and the Famous Five knockoffs have been tremendously successful. If you look at the Annual Report from WHSmith for the 2015-16 year you'll see they specifically credit the bumper sales of Five on Brexit Island for their larger than expected profits.
"Larger than expected profits?", I thought to myself. "Well, I could do with that action."
Anyway, I got in touch with said company and pitched them the idea of doing their joke for real and got the impression they didn't take me very seriously. So, in an idle moment I put together a spec Chapter One and sent it over as an indication of intent and to show what I was thinking.
I took the absolute lack of any reply whatsoever as a 'No'.
So, without further ado, as it's unlikely I'll be doing anything else with it here's the spec Chapter One of Five Go Mad On R'Lyeh.
Five go mad on R’lyeh.
Chapter 1.
It was the first day of the summer holidays, and a train was steaming through the sunny hills above Kirrin Bay. Aboard were three excited children already planning their holidays.
“Do you think George will be at the station to meet us?” Asked Anne, gazing out of the window down to the cove.
“I should say so”, replied Julian, the eldest of the three. “Any excuse to be running about the place rather than stuck indoors with Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin, that’s George!”
“And I’m sure she’ll have brought Tim, her dog as well”, added Dick. ”I have missed Tim!”
George was the three children’s cousin. A wild girl who would never answer to her real name of Georgina, she cut her hair short and dressed like a boy – and never went anywhere without her beloved dog Tim, a funny sort of mongrel who had got her out of more scrapes than he’d had bones to chew on!
The three all noisily agreed, much to the annoyance of their fellow passengers.
“I say, Julian”, asked Dick. “Do you suppose we’ll have an adventure these hols? It seems whenever we’re all together there’s something going on – spies or smugglers or something.”
“I’m not sure I like adventures very much”, said Anne with a worried frown. “Do remember those going-on when we went on Uncle Quentin’s expedition to Antarctica last year? Some of that was perfectly horrid.”
“Oh, Anne, don’t be such a wet blanket”, replied Dick, who was always keen to show how brave he was. “There won’t be any sanity-blasting horrors these hols, I’m sure! It will be larks! Swimming in the sea, and hopefully Kirrin Island will have risen above the inky waters of the bay so we can go camping in the grotesque, cyclopean ruined castle that broods atop the sea-girt isle.”
Julian nodded. Kirrin Island was an odd place to be sure! But the children could be confident that it would always lurch above the waves just in time for their holidays.
The three were very jealous of George. Her father, who was a very clever scientist and quite rich, had given her the island as a present so whenever the stars were right and it rose to squat like an accursed alien toad just offshore she could have it to play and camp on whenever she liked.
The railway curved along the coast revealing the little village of Kirrin nestled in her cove, fishing boats bobbing at anchor. Many of the locals were a queer sort, only taking their fishing boats out at night when they said the catch was richer.
“There!” shouted Anne. “It’s Kirrin! I’m so excited!” She wriggled with happiness in her seat.
Dick tried to look grown-up and unconcerned about it, and Julian gave him a gentle punch on the arm. “Don’t be an ass”, he said. “You love Kirrin as much as any of us, and don’t pretend you don’t. Just because you’re a year older than Anne doesn’t mean you’re that much bigger than her.”
They were distracted as the locomotive gave a shrill whistle. Kirrin station! They had arrived!
“Look on the platform!” squeaked Anne in excitement. “It’s George. I did so hope she’d be here!”
And so it was. Tanned and strong, George saw them and began to wave immediately, and she was joined by Timmy wagging his tail happily. In moments the four were united on the platform, clapping each other on the shoulder, saying their hallos, and stroking Tim’s head.
“I say George, it is good to see you”, said Julian, and Anne and Dick were quick to agree. “And Tim does look well! You must have been keeping him fit!”
“He is lean and athirst”, agreed George. “Uncle Quentin is hard at work on one of his projects so I’ve been getting up almost at dawn and going out every day. You know what his temper is like when he’s disturbed!”
All four children did. Quentin could be kind, but he had little patience for the sort of loud noises and running about the children liked – and when he was cross he could be very frightening.
“Oooh”, asked Anne. “Is he working on one of his secret projects for the government again? I know he works very hard.”
Anne was not a little scared of Uncle Quentin and tried to keep on his good side.
“I’m not sure what it’s all about this time”, replied George. “He’s in his study at all times of day and night with his books and his apparatus and his funny smells and chanting. Apparently it’s very hush-hush and important and that’s all I know.”
Anne nodded. “I shall be quiet as a mouse when he’s about”, she said.
The other three all laughed. Dear Anne! She could be very timid most of the time, but during their adventures had proved herself to be as brave as any of them.
Seeing Anne’s worried face, George kindly tried to comfort her. “I shouldn’t worry if I were you, Anne”, she said. “We’ll hardly be about the house anyway. Kirrin Island has emerged from its eternal trench beneath the waves and Mother and Father say we can camp there for the holidays if we promise to take care and avoid the non-Euclidean geometry of the ruins.”
“We’ll be fine”, said Julian. “We studied Euclidean geometry in maths this term and I’m sure I can recognise a piece of architecture twisted out of normal dimensions. I came top of the class” he added, a bit primly.
Dick frowned. He wasn’t as good at classes as Julian, and he sometimes felt a bit in his brother’s shadow. Dick was very keep to keep up and show that he was as good as him in any way.
Arm in arm, the four set off down the road to Uncle Quentin and Aunt Fanny’s cottage, Julian keeping them roaring with laughter with stories of some of the pranks he had pulled on the French master at school that summer.
Timmy ran alongside them, wagging his tail and happy as could be. Would there be an adventure now they were all together? Timmy was sure there would. When Julian, Dick, Anne and his mistress George were about, adventure was never far away!
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