A tale of astonishing flatulence
Jan. 23rd, 2003 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyAfter a day or so of food poisoning I finally felt okay, but it seems that the curatives I took to purge whatever bug was infesting my system had an unexpected side effect - that of killing off my intestinal flora.
Now, these little bugs that normally live in your tummy provide a valuable social function: they absorb CH4: Methane, and until they recover in numbers all the methane that my digestive processes produce is being introduced to the public in the most obvious way possible.
Now, you'll be thinking "But David is a boy, and has been for quite some time! He will automatically find the breaking of wind to be of astonishing humour!"
Well, in part you'd be right, for about twenty minutes. After eight solid hours, it wears a bit thin. Especially considering that today I've been at a major trade show, greeting important clients, with my boss. I don't think I helped matters by taking the vegetarian option for lunch (but I won't eat meat that you can't tell at least what animal it came from).
I swear, sometimes I live in a Sitcom and it's funny for everyone bar me.
It's been a loooong day, and it shows no sign of wearing off.
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puddingcat has given me some tablets that, she claims, ease the production of wind, but as yet to no avail, and she's refusing to let me within 10 feet of her until the noise subsides. It sounds like I have a brass band tuning up in my tummy, and the tone, timbre, and reverberation of my passings could get me a job as a Basso Profundo in the Opera. (I told you that you didn't want to read this, didn't I?).So.
If you'll excuse me, I'm about to go and at least get some benefit from this situation and get some long-deserved revenge on Jennys unpleasantly flatulent cat.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-23 04:26 pm (UTC)G
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Date: 2003-01-23 04:40 pm (UTC)Any any number more whose names don't...
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Date: 2003-01-24 07:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-24 07:51 am (UTC)The writing style is wrong for him, too.
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Date: 2003-01-23 05:15 pm (UTC)I can think of very few things worse than having no real life apart from RPing. Writing anonymous poison pen letters for kicks is one of those few things. I'd suggest you get a life, you pathetic blemish upon the fabric of reality - but I don't seriously think there's any likelyhood of that happening.
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Date: 2003-01-24 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-24 02:07 am (UTC)and when you come down to it what exactly is having a life? Most people have about three things they do beyond basically existing, which normally are:
1) occupation
2) friends / socialising
3) hobby
and for some there is excercise and sport (which is kinda a subset of hobby but can also be a seperate catagory). So most of us do have a life, just not the one you seem to value.
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Date: 2003-01-26 01:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-27 01:22 pm (UTC)(silly mood)
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Date: 2003-01-23 05:00 pm (UTC)Probably...
Date: 2003-01-24 05:10 am (UTC)Check the IP address, or we can do it for you if you want.
G
IP address
Date: 2003-01-24 07:04 am (UTC)GRIM
Re: IP address
Date: 2003-01-24 07:54 am (UTC)Also, I *don't* think it was you fora variety of reasons, style, writing, use of punctuation. If it was you, why would you completely change your writing style and then sign it?
Nope, doesn't wash.
It actually reads like one of two people I know, although why they'd be posting here I don't know. Have to wonder if they're smart enough to try and write differently, and just assume that anonymity is enough?
Re: IP address
Date: 2003-01-27 02:53 am (UTC)Re: IP address
Date: 2003-01-27 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-24 04:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-24 04:58 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-01-24 08:02 am (UTC)gorge
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Date: 2003-01-23 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-24 12:50 am (UTC)Needless to say, fizzy gravy soon followed.
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Still, you could save some toxins in an old bottle for the cat :)
You know your guts are bad when -
- The candles burn blue
- The floor shakes
You know your guts are REALLY bad when -
Date: 2003-01-24 05:39 am (UTC)If you need flatulent inspiration...
:-)
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