davywavy | A tale of astonishing flatulence

After a day or so of food poisoning I finally felt okay, but it seems that the curatives I took to purge whatever bug was infesting my system had an unexpected side effect - that of killing off my intestinal flora.
Now, these little bugs that normally live in your tummy provide a valuable social function: they absorb CH4: Methane, and until they recover in numbers all the methane that my digestive processes produce is being introduced to the public in the most obvious way possible.

Now, you'll be thinking "But David is a boy, and has been for quite some time! He will automatically find the breaking of wind to be of astonishing humour!"
Well, in part you'd be right, for about twenty minutes. After eight solid hours, it wears a bit thin. Especially considering that today I've been at a major trade show, greeting important clients, with my boss. I don't think I helped matters by taking the vegetarian option for lunch (but I won't eat meat that you can't tell at least what animal it came from).
I swear, sometimes I live in a Sitcom and it's funny for everyone bar me.
It's been a loooong day, and it shows no sign of wearing off.

puddingcat has given me some tablets that, she claims, ease the production of wind, but as yet to no avail, and she's refusing to let me within 10 feet of her until the noise subsides. It sounds like I have a brass band tuning up in my tummy, and the tone, timbre, and reverberation of my passings could get me a job as a Basso Profundo in the Opera. (I told you that you didn't want to read this, didn't I?).

So.
If you'll excuse me, I'm about to go and at least get some benefit from this situation and get some long-deserved revenge on Jennys unpleasantly flatulent cat.