David's Agony Uncle Page.
Jun. 15th, 2004 10:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyHaving had some troubles of my own recently, I realise that a great way to feel better is to mock the afflicted help those less fortunate than myself. So it is that I offer up, free and gratis, my training as a psychologist plus years of inflicting observing the worst that life can offer to you lot as an Agony Uncle.
I'll understand if you want to post your little problems anonymously, and I'll give help and advice in that inimicable, caring manner for which I am famed.
So tell me your woes, little ones, and I shalllaugh do my best to offer constructive advice.
I'll understand if you want to post your little problems anonymously, and I'll give help and advice in that inimicable, caring manner for which I am famed.
So tell me your woes, little ones, and I shall
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 02:57 am (UTC)I am a sad inadequate wanker who is only happy while indulging in escapist fantasy that bears little to no relation to doing something constructive with my life. In addition I feel a constant need for validation from people totally contrary to my misanthropic outlook on humanity in general, which is transparently self-defeating. I am quickly approaching middle age having accomplished nothing of any great significance, and can no longer even say that I am at least a productive member of society.
Can you recommend a good way to put me out of everyone else's misery?
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Date: 2004-06-15 03:01 am (UTC)I suggest you strive to gain an accurate picture of yourself within what we psychologists call 'the grand scheme of things'. Feelings of inadequacy stem from believing there is something to be adequate against, but in 'the grand scheme of things' we are all insignificant dots of background radiation and the universe will not even notice our passing or the things we do. As such, not doing anything is just as valid as doing something. Trust me, you'll feel better.
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Date: 2004-06-15 05:00 am (UTC)I want a new job, but it would mean either staying in Manchester and taking a paycut or moving back to London. Should I go on the dole and run up huge credit card bills for a couple of years first?
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Date: 2004-06-15 05:11 am (UTC)That plus hefty debt will ensure you fit right in amongst southerners.
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Date: 2004-06-15 05:27 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-06-15 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
I Say, some advice then Dear Boy...
Date: 2004-06-15 06:40 am (UTC)Can you please suggest the best way to break the news to him and a course of action to then cure him of his delusion.
Re: I Say, some advice then Dear Boy...
Date: 2004-06-15 07:10 am (UTC)You will notice how he accepts your offer in a gentlemanly way, and your delusions about him will vanish as if they never were.
Re: I Say, some advice then Dear Boy...
Date: 2004-06-15 07:33 am (UTC)Re: I Say, some advice then Dear Boy...
Date: 2004-06-15 07:36 am (UTC)I look forward to your enlightening explanation of this transeference effect in the above behaviour.
Re: I Say, some advice then Dear Boy...
Date: 2004-06-15 09:18 am (UTC)it seems that your Yorkshire friend had internalised your reluctance to buy him things and his subconcious had intervened, leaving his wallet at home.
Only by buying him more things can this unfortunate tendency be reversed.
Dear Aunty Dave
Date: 2004-06-15 07:42 am (UTC)I have a problem i actually want to become a arms-dealer however most of the supplies are coming from America! Where can i get decent equipment, also is it true all Yorksman are southern wimps?
Re: Dear Aunty Dave
Date: 2004-06-15 09:09 am (UTC)Simply travel to Tripoli and speak the phrase: "Faith and begorrah, sure an' the English are imperialist bastards", and hey presto! You'll be winging your way home with all kinds of artillery.
Sadly, evidence siggests that the Yorkshire race is not comprised of wimps, as demonstrated by one of them conquering your entire country for a laugh.
Re: Dear Aunty Dave
Date: 2004-06-15 11:01 am (UTC)Although it should be noted that yorkshiremen can hold a grudge for 500+ years - "The War of teh Roses, we woz rob" (pats wippet, rings out cloth cap, etc etc)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 07:51 am (UTC)I have multiple problems, not the least of which being rather shy and submissive around women. Problem is, most American women are likewise shy and submissive until they get you in their leash, at which point they become cruel and domineering. What's the best way to find someone of the female persuasion who is somewhat geeky, unafraid of being assertive, and preferably with no tattoos or piercings? I've tried clubs, bars, LARPs, stores, and parties, all to no avail. The only one I found who was assertive was in the process of running off to the Great White North(budday) to hide behind the Big Red Maple Leaf(tm).
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 09:12 am (UTC)Alternatively, stop being shy. It's not so hard, because when you meet someone for the first time they have no way of knowing who you are or if you are shy - thus you can pretend to be anyone you like and they'll never know the difference. Try playing confident characters in LARP for a while to get the hang of it, and then just transfer the traits that work into your day-to-day interactions.
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Date: 2004-06-15 09:50 am (UTC)And as for stopping being shy? Any time I think about approaching anyone female to say "Hi" with alternative intent, my stomach quivers and it's all I can do to keep my legs from breaking into a sprint in the opposite direction. And I have played confident characters at LARP before.
I guess the problem is I've not got the confidence to be the approacher, and women aren't used to being anything but the approachee.
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Date: 2004-06-15 10:46 am (UTC)As for talking to girls...remember that when it comes to compliments they're like ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always demanding more, More, MORE!
Just saying "I think you're really pretty, would you like to...(insert date idea here)" in a genuine-sounding tone of voice will take you a long way.
Faint heart never won fair lady. Practising chutzpah ICly when you aren't really asking them out (so it's okay, it's just game...) is good practice for the real thing.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 01:10 pm (UTC)You get surrounded by a mob of women joggers and they all leer at you. They would just ignore me completely. I don't even get looked at from across the room. Well, I might be, but if so they're more subtle than a brick. Everytime I try to read subtle, I end up with the wrong idea and slapped. (Middle of a hug... she's got her hand where!? Well, then, I'll just match location and placement and... *SLAP*)
Yeah... And people wonder why I'm waiting for someone to approach me.
And let this be a lesson to you. Offer free psychiatric
batteryaid, and you'll hear me complain for hours.no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 02:35 pm (UTC)And the hug thing? Learn that means don't put your hand there *right now*, but it's an invitation to do so later, assuming you do well. It's an 'come hither', not a 'grab this', leting you know that you might have some work to do, but the opportunity is there...
More on this:
Date: 2004-06-15 02:39 pm (UTC)Yes, and that's why the effort is worth it.
Three words: Confidence, Enthusiasm, Humour. THey are your friends.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 08:11 am (UTC)my best friend's dog got hit by a car (no, seriously, last night) and she's really sad. I don't even like dogs and I don't know how to console her. the dog's probably going to have surgery this afternoon. she's incredibly upset.
Help?
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 09:15 am (UTC)Tell her you don't really know what to say, so you thought that you'd just be there.
Then wile away the rest of the evening by having a few drinks, telling her anecdotes about amusing things which have happened to the two of you, and occasionally doing any tear-wiping which may be necessary.
If yo're close friends, hug her from time to time.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 01:01 pm (UTC)Last elections over here didn't quite turn out as I hoped they would. What would I have to do to get a job with you and be able to move across the water?
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Date: 2004-06-15 02:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-16 12:09 am (UTC)Oooooh, I get it, you are suggesting me I stay at your place and you buy me stuff! *nods* Deal ^_^
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Date: 2004-06-16 01:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-16 01:39 am (UTC)BTW, what kind of business do you have actually?
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Date: 2004-06-16 03:18 am (UTC)I run a publishing company that produces an engineering magazine. We hope to start making money within the next 6 months or so.
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Date: 2004-06-16 04:38 am (UTC)You're not in need of a translator to publish in the rest of Europe by any chance? *hopeful*
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Date: 2004-06-16 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-16 04:50 am (UTC)Although I can't believe there's nothing you want me to do for free ^^;;;
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Date: 2004-06-16 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-16 04:59 am (UTC)*sits and ponders* Would it be wise to ask for this list in a public place such as this?
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Date: 2004-06-16 05:03 am (UTC)Hurrah.
And, no it probabkly wouldn't be a good idea for me to start making a list in a public place.
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Date: 2004-06-16 05:10 am (UTC)Hm, but now you got me curious and I'd like to know more about this. You don't happen to have any messenger ready Mr. Davy?
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Date: 2004-06-16 03:42 am (UTC)I have a hideous memory and am easily distracted which means quite often I, erm... ooo shiney thing. What was I saying? Something about something else. Um, maybe.
Confused.
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